Recently I got an email request from the child of an old friend. She did not know me and had never met me. However, she was going on a school trip and her parents had told her she had to earn the money for the trip herself. She worked hard to earn the cash but when she came up short her parents gave her their email address books to go after their friends and family for the remainder of the needed cash.

I think it is a great lesson to teach your kids to work for what they want but shouldn't the parents have set a goal for the child to meet, like half the amount, and then matched it themselves or taught the child that you don't always get what you want and not let her go? Maybe family could be asked to contribute but friends the child doesn't even know?

These parents both work, make decent incomes, have one child, own two homes, and are not poor. The child goes to a private school.

What do you think? I don't have any kids but this comes across as cheap to me.

Why are they teaching their child to beg? Or, that if you don't quite meet your goals, total strangers should fill in the missing parts?

That whole thing seems very off to me. I don't think i'd even respond to that.

I didn't respond because it felt really odd to me. I know the father and he is really cheap but I didn't think he was THAT cheap. And I was surprised the mother went along with this. The kid got the money and thanked everyone and sent pictures of her trip. I'm not sure why I was included since I did not donate.

I was taught never to beg for money from family and would have been in really deep trouble for asking strangers for money.

Is this a new thing to do or are these parents just clueless? Both parents are from nice, well off families.

anonandanon Wrote:
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>
> Is this a new thing to do or are these parents
> just clueless? Both parents are from nice, well
> off families.


I don't think it's really a new thing. People seem to be doing a lot of charitable trips for which they want sponsors, which I think is out of line as well, but not as blatantly greedy as this. This gimmick you've described is a new one to me. It sounds like the father's cheapness characteristic overrides any self-respect he may have. The parents have humiliated themselves except that they apparently lack the ability to feel shame.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/10/2017 11:09PM by scmd.

My wife and I are soft touches for neighborhood kids selling anything relatively cheap for what appears to be a legitimate organization. The usual is the $1.00 candy bars for youth sports organizations, or the pancake breakfast or spaghetti dinner tickets. I'm not sure I'll want my kids selling any of that garbage when they're old enough, but I don't mind throwing a few bucks in the direction of community organizations.

The business of asking outrightly for money with nothing given in return is another matter entirely. I've never been quite so blatantly hit up, but I wouldn't have a problem either with ignoring it or with saying no.

I'm a soft touch, too, in some cases. A few months ago, public high school students were in our neighborhood seeking contributions for an upcoming trip for the athletic teams to go to a meet somewhere.

These were not rich kids with cheap parents who wouldn't pay. These were minority kids from the Bronx and outskirts of Brooklyn who travel long distances by subway every day to attend the public school in our Manhattan neighborhood.

When asked to give, I reviewed the materials provided and then contributed. I congratulated the young man on his initiative in raising funds for something special that the public school system would not pay for. I think it's tough to stand out on the sidewalk and request contributions.

The following weekend, the young people were out again in our neighborhood. I gave a contribution to a young man and then walked uptown a block. There were several young women also collecting donations for the same athletic trip, but this was for the girls' team to go. I mentioned that I'd just contributed to the guys collecting a block away. The young woman looked at me and said, "Thank you so much, but you don't want the boys to go and the girls to stay home, do you?"

That was a logic I couldn't challenge! So, I contributed to the girls' trip as well.

The trip must have come and gone as the students were not out the following weekend and haven't been seen since.

I guess I could look at what they were doing as begging. But, honestly, they struck me as a nice group of kids showing determination and initiative in a tough world. It's also hard in Manhattan to have a fundraiser like a car wash!

Certainly, the kids I saw were a far cry from the spoiled rich kids described in other posts. I think many of my neighbors contributed to the trip as well. I like to think we helped some economically disadvantaged minority young people realize the world isn't quite as cruel as it often seems to be.

NYCGal Wrote:
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>
> I guess I could look at what they were doing as
> begging. But, honestly, they struck me as a nice
> group of kids showing determination and initiative
> in a tough world. It's also hard in Manhattan to
> have a fundraiser like a car wash!
>
> Certainly, the kids I saw were a far cry from the
> spoiled rich kids described in other posts. I
> think many of my neighbors contributed to the trip
> as well. I like to think we helped some
> economically disadvantaged minority young people
> realize the world isn't quite as cruel as it often
> seems to be.

In my opinion, soliciting for a trip essentially for one's pleasure is far different than raising funds for a school competition. In my school days, most of those costs were covered by the taxpayers, and I didn't have to stand on sidewalks asking for help. The only way today's kids can have experiences approximating those I had is for community members to help. I'm a school board member and I fight for funding as many activities as there is money for in addition to being an active fund-raising booster for my local high school even though my own kids are nowhere near high school age. California passed Proposition 13 in the 1970's, however, and money for extra-curriculars has steadily declined since then.

Helping local organizations with costs isn't the same to me as funding a co-worker's kid's trip to Europe to play soccer on a supposed all-star team for which it was supposedly the highest honor to have been selected. If it's that much an honor, whoever invited you would probably pay your expenses. I've seen my co-worker's kid play soccer; he's no better than any of the kids his age in my neighborhood. He's not even a standout athlete in his own city. He doesn't need to travel all he way to Belgium to find suitable competition. If a kid's skills are legitimately head and shoulders above everyone else's in his state, he probably should travel to another part of his own nation for competition. If he's one of the best in the nation, most likely someone will foot the bill for him to play overseas. If he's average for his age, he should probably be playing against the competition in his own area unless mom and dad personally wish to spring for the costs of sending him abroad. There's no reason for all of his dad's coworkers to kick in money so that he can play soccer in Europe.

The kids you described, NYC Gal, sounded so polite. How could a person with the means to do so not want help them?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/11/2017 04:52PM by scmd.

I have had the same kids beg at my door over and over for money to buy food for their gerbal and the whole time im thinking why arent your parents buying food for your gerbal. It is very awkward to say the least.

If you can't afford a gerbil you shouldn't have a gerbil. Same with cats, dogs, horses, etc. Maybe that's why the shelters for animals are over burdened. People who cannot afford pets are not taking care of them because they never planned what it would cost to maintain an animal.

Why someone would send a kid to a private school when they cannot afford it is in the same boat. Take kid out of private school and put them in public school. That's why we pay school taxes, to educate other people's kids. If they want their kids in private school, they should pay for it themselves.

I had a Mormon neighbors who did the same thing. Their child went to private school, too. They had a fancy house, plus a condo in Park City. Fancy cars. The husband made good money. The wife didn't have to work, and she inherited 3 million dollars from her parents. Their child played chess, and wanted to go to tournaments in New York, Florida, Hawaii, San Francisco, etc. Of course, the mother had to go along with him. She belonged to a country club, and would hit-up her wealthy friends for money for the trip, complaining that her husband was "too cheap" to give the boy the money.

She called me, and I asked, "Why would I pay for your son's chess tournament?" I don't expect you to pay for my sons' soccer championships, or my girls dance performances, and I have no husband at all to help out."

This was years ago. The chess-playing son turned out to be spoiled rotten! He learned to get a free ride, and con anyone he wanted to. He even conned a General Authority to perform his marriage ceremony in the temple. He thinks he will be a GA someday. His parents sent him to an expensive university, and then grad school. After that, he decided to pursue another field of study, so he went back to school for 6 more years, and is still in school. He went on the mission of his choice (yes, missionaries can con their way into the desirable missions, if they know the "right" Mormons). He married the wealthy mission president's daughter, right off his mission. His mother used her inheritance to buy him a house. Her parents pay for a nanny, and for expensive cruises.

Being rich is great, I'm sure, and that's not my point. My point is the "spoiled part." They guy is a fat bum. He's a con-man. He's so arrogant, that no one can stand to talk to him for more than a minute. He is too good for his parents, who got divorced, and are an embarrassment to him. He hasn't seldom talks to them, and he hasn't seen them face-to-face for several years. His younger brother left the church, so he has disowned him, and won't speak to him. He brags that he will be a Mormon General Authority someday.

As a matter of fact, he would be a perfect GA! A spoiled, arrogant con-man who thinks he is entitled to be crowned Mormon Royalty.

And they wonder why we walk away.

I don't fund anything like that. I figure it's the parents' job to support their children.

teaching kids to pray is teaching them to beg.

Good point, Dave!

Where I work, there is always someone selling s!hit for whatever fundraiser their kid's school is doing. There is a sign up from one employee saying how her kid needs to raise $xxx.xx asking everyone to pitch in.

I get that everyone is trying to support everyone else because they want reciprocity when their kid is selling something, but sheesh.

I took care of what my kids had to do myself because I do not like this back and forth uncomfortable begging. Oddly, HR at work has asked them to stop doing this, but after a week or so, they start right up again posting requests to sign up to buy cookies or whatever.

I gave my kids some tasks they could do to "earn" money (like organizing a drawer or walking the dog). I am not about to send my kid out door-to-door begging to neighbors who have kids who need to raise money for the same darn trip.

you mean like when LDS inc sends kids out to collect the fast offering money ??????

Back when I was a church member and held the Aaronic priesthood I often got roped into going out on FAT sunday's to collect fast offerings

I live in Southern California and raised my kids there. I've never heard of anyone doing that. I think it is cheap, tacky
and classless. If my kids wanted extra money besides their
allowance, I'd have them do extra chores to earn the money.
I wouldn't be caught dead having my kids ask other people for
money. Maybe this is a Utah MOrmon thing?

This is not a Mormon family. In fact, they have no religious affiliation that I am aware of. The father was raised Catholic but he is not a believer. I do not know the mother's faith tradition. The are from Oregon.

In the business world it's called "sales." Or "recruiting investors."

Just having them ask for money in return for nothing, yes it is teaching the kid to beg and be rude.

I could see the parents encouraging the kid to ask neighbors that she knows if there are any odd jobs that can be done to help with raising the cash.

I don't think I would encourage the kid to ask people she does not know.

If the deadline got close, the kid tried hard, but was a little bit short, I would create some jobs that she could do to get over the top.

for money for a trip to Europe on some orchestra trip. She did get a scholarship for college because of her talent, but her parents were always into some new thing to earn money and always in over their heads. At the time, her mother hadn't been working for several years and living free off a friend who had cancer. Her parents had asked my boyfriend's parents for a $100,000 "loan" to help their failing business, which did fail. Her dad was living with his mother and also not working.

He sold this niece his used BMW for a steal as she needed a car. Her mother didn't have one. She ruined 4 tires within a few months and then totaled the car.

It seems to be one thing after another with this niece and his sister. His father died and now his sister is hitting his mother up for money.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/11/2017 02:30PM by cl2.

That was really messed up and weird.

Having the child ask friends for money is worse than asking perfect strangers for money. At least strangers don't feel like they are being shaken down by a friend.

I think kids should have to offer a service or product that people actually want to earn money for stuff like this. I participated in so many fundraisers as a teen and I mostly HATED it. I think what I learned was that I hate hitting people up for money. So I wanted to get a regular job so I wouldn't have to do that anymore.

I support fund-raising for schools/kids when they sell products or services -- like Krispy Kreme donuts or car washes.

I support kids trying to earn their own money, by asking if they can mow my lawn or pick my oranges or such. And I'm very generous with the pay.

I can't imagine supporting "please give me money without me doing anything for it so I can go on an optional school trip."

Heck, I even made my own daughter earn the money for her 8th grade Washington DC school trip. And she did, too -- no "donations" whatsoever. Because learning how to earn money for something you want is valuable and productive. Learning how to con people out of money for nothing is neither.