Earlier this year my TBM Mom had a stroke. During her recovery I handled her finances, which included paying her tithing. I set up an account for her on lds.org and used one of my email addresses. Anyway, last week my Mom received an email from Member Services.

September 13, 2017

Dear *****,

We have contacted you using the e-mail address you have provided for LDS Church use.

We have been notified that your grandchild, *****, has moved, and we no longer have their current address. Please help us send their membership record to the correct ward or branch by returning their current address and telephone number in a reply email.

A residential address is preferred.

Warm regards,

Michael Murdock

Member Services
801-240-1699

LDSMemberLocators@ldschurch.org

Haha they just cant let go they track people stronger than the CIA. I was talking to a homeless guy today and even he knew it was a cult and knew more details about the true history than i did, it was pretty amazing. He even told me about all of the crazy offshoots of the lds church or some of them not all. And they believe some crazy sh#t.

You could freak them out.

Dear Church

You mean to tell me you can't find my missionary grand child in Puerto Rico?

Concerned Grandmother

I love the "A residential address s preferred." They should have added " . . .because we like to harass our victims in person."

I love that you got this email. Every time I moved they found me in no time at all. I knew it had to be coming from my parents--either that or their seer stone really worked!

Haha they sent me those for two of my siblings and then sent one to my siblings about me.

Dear Brother Murdock,

My grandchild ***** has taken a new position out of the country. His current residential address is:

Fourth quonset hut on the left
Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station
96598

He would love a visit from the missionaries!

I got visited by the missionaries today it was such a fun experience.

When I was a hard working young adult, I moved several times and had room mates, etc. Every time I moved the Mormon church found me almost immediately. I wanted nothing to do with them, and I told my father. But he's a ratfink for the church, and he turned in my address every time.

The year after I resigned from the bleeping cult, they called me to ask if I knew where my oldest half-brother was.

I never knew that half-brother. His full siblings didn't even know where he was, he's been a holdover hippie from the 60's that faded away into the twilight zone, and no one not even his children knew of his whereabouts.

What the bleep was the church contacting me about that?

It was disturbing, to say the least.

That especially includes member's offspring who are no longer mormon and ask only to be left alone.

Dear Brother Murdock,

My grandchild ***** has taken a new position out of the country. His current residential address is:

#9 Donaldville, Nambia, the cavfefe capital of the world.