Roll call.
Roll scrawl.
Jesus died because you touch yourself

Contrasted with the Boner’s masturbation speech—

Each of us has been given a great gift of a body and sexual expression. This is something to enjoy and treasure. There is a reason human hands naturally reach pleasure zones. This pleasure system is designed to be used.

An excellent stress reducer is to make love to one’s body—find a quiet private space. Lube up and think pleasurable erotic thoughts. Experiment with various self-pleasuring techniques. Become fully in tune with your wonderful body. Focus on each feeling of pleasure. Take your time, focus on pleasure over speed. Become intentional on reaching and sustaining climax. Enjoy the cooling down period.

Proceed to do good in the world having been refreshed with the gift of your marvelous body.

Thank you Boner. That description is pure poetry. Good on ya!

+1

Do you touch yourself? God is watching over you!
The danger zone

But... what about the kittens?

Babyloncansuckit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> But... what about the kittens?

Every time a man pleasures himself, a kitten gets its wings.

Or something like that.

So that’s why those winged kittens are hanging around my house! Any thoughts about how the winged monkeys came to be? The Wicked Witch of the West’s...oh forget it!

Monkeys? Spank 'em!

Since monkeys are bigger than kittens, I can only logically conclude that the winged ones got that way because of some big human wankers...

It's the only explanation that fits the evidence, after all :)

Big human wankers make for better boners... no, that’s not quite right—better Boner’s make big human wankers. There’s a syllogism to wrap your hands around!

Regarding his tenure as a Mission President, Vaughn Featherstone declared that only 10 to 15 percent of under his tutelage indulged their baser instincts via manual manipulation, or its Mexican cousin, Manuel Manipulación.

We had roughly the same figure, but it was that only 10 to 15 percent masturbated on a daily basis. Of course I did what I could to help.

I used to know Manuel.... he was very cool but he did have lots of baser instincts. I just attributed it to the fact that he was a normal human male. Que no?

Now that I think about it, the Aposthole from a few years back that recommended tying your arms to the bed post and wearing 2 layers of underwear was into some kinky stuff. Bondage for 1 masturbation technique. I don't know if that would do anything for me, but if that was what he was into... good for him.

That dotard realized that you appreciate more those things that you have to fight for.

Kimball talked about masturbation parties. Life in Pima and Thatcher must have been exciting at one time. He said masturbation made you gay, too. Is this how Kimball believed he became gay?

So, would gay folks masturbating turn them straight?

Could you turn yourself gay, then straight again then gay again, then straight again..... with his reasoning?


Truly the lord's anointed have dizzying intellects.

Depends if you do it right or left handed...

Using the left or right hand, wouldn't that be cheating?

Maybe alternating right then left hands, or like when paddling a canoe, doing that 'j' stroke technique to keep it straight.

Classic example of the lack of a control group.

"We surveyed 1000 convicted murders and they all admitted to masturbation."

I remember reading SWK saying that masturbation made you gay. When I fantasized, it was always about hot men. Therefore, I had to stop or I would become gay.

Later I realized that most guys masturbated, but only a small percentage of us were gay. It's not that masturbation makes you gay, but that it makes your sexual fantasies unfold. Otherwise, nearly all men would be gay. I'm sure most straight guys think of women's boobs and naughty bits, not other guys.

If young Spencer had homoerotic fantasies while masturbating, it's because he was a huge closet case.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2017 08:15AM by axeldc.

Doctor: BYU Boner, I'm afraid you're going to have to give up masturbating.

BYU Boner: I will? Oh No Doc, why?

Doctor: Because I'm trying to perform an examination on you.

LAUGH OF THE DAY!!

Did you know that not masturbating increases the likelihood of prostate cancer? Interesting to note that Billy Graham and the then Pope were diagnosed with prostate cancer the same year.

Yes, but correlation is not causation, remember...:)

If our creator did not intend for us to "touch" ourselves, why did he/she/it create our arms just long enough to do so?

Man I miss George Carlin.

What kind of creepy dude talks about masturbating. His son David was preoccupied with the subject, and often mentioned smegma. He would go out of his way to talk about masturbating, and he was the young men's leadership. A complete pedophile is David "Dave" Featherstone, and his jokes about smegma and masturbating, would make your

What a complete and total pervert Dave Featherstone is. A complete and disgusting person he is, and the church Leadership allowed his perversion
He would joke about the uncircumcised and smegma. What a horrible disgusting person
He would say derogatory things about Mike Borich and laugh about it
A complete douchebag, and he was the leadership of young men in South Jordan.

I've never seen a speech masturbate.

Who makes jokes about smegma and masturbating as a young man's leader? The Featherstone family is quite disturbing, and the Featherstone family moved from place to the Butterfield Ford Butterfly gardens with Garff Automobiles and the mission presidents appear to do something. The Chevrolet automobile was reinvigorated by the Butterfield Ford, a

Masturbation is just simply a control mechanism used by the CULT to control the masses in the so-called church like so many other bizarre notions that defy normality employed against the worker bees in the kingdom of absurdity/lies, e.g., oral sex is a major sin, don't forget that the missionary position for sexual intercourse is the law in Utah, tithing is mandatory/supported fully by the blackmail of no temple recommend for those who do not obey that will of course negate your temple marriage blessings - I ask, who of you will steal from the Lord? The devious, underhanded bullshit never ends!

We clearly see nothing more than egregious, manipulative behavior by the criminal charlatans claiming Godly direction while promoting the mormon CON as they hide behind a myriad of lies spun from the very beginning by the likes of low-life jo smith jr./his like-minded, degenerate cronies! tnurg will stop acting like a normal human being/pay tithing when the lord comes to me in person/gives his bank account information freely so I can deposit for myself! As is obvious to most, this fantasy event is nothing more than a pipe dream!! As Always, tnurg (GRUNT)

Good one, tnurg!

"tnurg will...pay tithing when the lord comes to me in person/gives his bank account information freely so I can deposit for myself!"

That makes sense.