I posted recently that my wife had passed away. I've also posted
some over the years that my TBM brother and his wife have been
shunning us for the last 3.5 years. And I don't mean that they
just drifted away. I mean that my brother explicitly emailed to
tell us so. Speaking about his family, he said "I have no
intention of bringing them around you anymore," and "I know that
[his wife] essentially wants to have nothing to do with you
anymore." He even went on to point out that his wife had
unfriended and blocked us on Facebook, just in case we hadn't
noticed.

Then, over my wife's protests and requests to stop, they
continued to try to meddle with our girls (sending them Mormony
crap). In a recent email to the extended "family," he even made a
snarky comment about being comfortable with the relationships he
was maintaining.

My dear wife went to her grave knowing that she was disrespected
and disregarded by these two wretched people. They've treated her
so contemptuously that when she was diagnosed with cancer she
asked me not to even tell them.

Imagine my surprise on the morning my wife passed away to
discover that my brother had posted on her FB page: "RIP. You
and your smile will be missed as we mourn for you and with all
who do."

How can he claim to miss someone from whom he's been actively
distancing himself? How can he claim to mourn with others whom he
is also shunning? To add insult to injury, they even spent her
last year living less than two hours from us. Frequent FB posts
document their extensive travel, including Washington DC (and we
live in the DC suburbs). If they had wanted to see her smile,
they could very easily have done so.

It kills me that people think that "doing the 'right' thing"
apparently means never acknowledging that you ever did the wrong
thing.

He's a shameless hypocrite.

I would consider sending back whatever he sends to your girls with a "Declined -- return to sender" on it (I do that for the very occasional JW junk I get in the mail.) Perhaps he and his wife can be blocked on your girls' emails, or they can get new emails. At this point there is no reason why they should be communicating with your kids.

I'd have responded on Facebook, "Then why did you treat her so disgracefully?"

kathleen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'd have responded on Facebook, "Then why did you
> treat her so disgracefully?"

Or whatever you wished for her, god will give you the double.

Maybe deep down, despite the difference, he still loved her. He might have not respected her decision to leave the church, but it sounds like he regrets how he treated her. She is gone now.

I didn't know you live in the DC area. I have a lot of friends in the Northern VA area who are closeted apostates. I have few who left the church formally, as well.

They held some Faith Challenges meeting in the McLean stake. Neither of my closeted friends attended (for the obvious reasons) or ex-Mormon friends attended. Did anyone here from the stake attend?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/24/2017 03:03AM by helenm.

That is awful!!

I really don't get how people think they can get away with behaving like that.

absolutely awful.

I'm sorry that on top of loosing your wife, you also have to deal with this kind of crap.

If I told you of the abuse I suffered from hypocritical folks, I could write volumes. You are upset and rightly so. You and your wife didn’t deserve their abuse. Stop their abuse from hurting your daughters. Block them.

I would say your brother's purpose with the post was two fold. First, he did this to show what a big person he was--keeping the phony Mormon facade in your face. Second, It wasn't to do with your wife, it was a put-down to you. He was twisting the knife. He wanted everyone to see it for his own selfish reasons. I am so disgusted on your behalf,nomonomo, that I don't even have words.

So sorry that you lost your beautiful wife and then get this slap in the face on top of it.

Don't let the brother get to you. Your children should know what he has done. Summer is right, but don't just "consider" sending back unopened packages, do it.

Best to you. Sorry if this is too much, but I have a very arrogant older brother too and I start channeling that.

If this was me, I wouldn't take passive-aggressive actions that don't deal with the issue and just prolong the conflict.

Deal with this directly. Write him and his wife and tell them EXACTLY what you think about his hypocracy, self-righteousness and abandonment of his own brother. Tell him how far he is from Christ in the things he has said and done. Ask him how he can claim to be a Christian when he exhibits no Christlike qualities towards his own family. Does he think it won't matter when he faces GOD???

The best you you "nomonomo", and I'm sorry for the loss of your wife.

I'd also want to post on her FB, and make it public. Remove judgement, name-calling and anger. If anything, pity:

And - I spologize if this rewrite over-steps bounds, but wanted to give you a more distanced version. I have no intent to harm or offend, especially now.
_______________________

My wife has passed away. My Mormon brother and his wife have been shunning us for the last 3.5 years, and even emailed to tell us so. Speaking about his family, he said "I have no intention of bringing them around you anymore," and "I know that [wife name] essentially wants to have nothing to do with you anymore." He went on to point out that his wife had unfriended and blocked us on Facebook, just in case we missed it.

Over my wife's protests and requests to stop, they continued to proselytize to our daughters, and in a recent email to the extended family, he made a comment about being comfortable with the relationships he "was maintaining."

My brother and his wife pointedly disrespected and disregarded my wife while she was here. They treated her so contemptuously that when she was diagnosed with cancer, she asked me not to tell them. I agreed, also fearing any negative impact that increased, "time-is-short" proselytizing efforts might have had on her health.

On the morning my wife passed away, my brother posted on her FB page: "RIP. You and your smile will be missed as we mourn for you and with all who do."

My brother and his wife spent the last year living less than two hours from us. Frequent FB posts document their extensive travel, including to our city's suburbs. If they had wanted to see her smile, they very easily could have done so.

I would ask rhetorically, "Will you miss having one to treat so poorly?"

They wasted opportunity, wasted life, wasted communing with this beautiful soul, gone too soon.

I feel sorry for these people, coerced into shunning family members, and having no real freedom in faith, compassion or love. They are instructed by LDS that love is conditional, LDS using those very words on its website. Followers buy into it, literally, touting a bleak and empty type of love, in thought, word and deed.

Someday, I will be gone, too, brother, and all you will have "loved" is your standing among people who are trained from birth to believe that love is conditional. I'm so sorry for you, but can no longer tolerate the deception, or self-deception. Please leave me and mine alone.

___________________

IMHO, he would go to his grave regretting his "choice." Not so much because he loved her, but for his shameful behavior toward his own brother, shelf be damned. -When his brother is not at his bedside, nor he at yours.

First, so sorry for your loss. It will take you a long time to cope. You certainly don't need your brother's BS on top of what you're going through.
Second, TBM's are the most self serving, opportunistic, self promoting predators on the planet. Got a tragedy or disaster? How can I capitalize? Got a hurricane of an earthquake? Let's send some beans and water. But,first, let's make sure we all have matching LDS T-Shirts.
Have a tragic loss? How can we project ourselves as caring and superior?
Cut of all contact with your asshole brother. Send him a certified letter warning him to cease contact with your minor children. Tell him, in specific terms that, if he contacts your kids, you will seek a restraining order. Tell him you can review his attitude in a year IF he reflects and sends a written apology of the way he 's treated your family for the past 3.5 years. Tell him to stop posting about your wife on social media. HE knows what he did. Tell him you too. Screw him. I'm betting you have a lot of friends that are much more brotherly than your real POS brother.

I disagree with the recommendations to cut off all contact with your brother, and stick it to him angrily. This conflict can be resolved, but he needs to get a lashing for his conduct, but not through hateful or angry words.

Confront him about his complete lack of Christlike conduct. This hits him where it hurts. If he cares about being a Christian like he claims, he will correct his behavior. You may end up with an excellent relationship over time.

This happened with me and my family. I'm so grateful I didn't tell them to shove it and never speak with or see them again. In time, we became closer than we'd ever been previously.

"Confront him about his complete lack of Christlike conduct. This hits him where it hurts. If he cares about being a Christian like he claims, he will correct his behavior."

Mormons don't give a rats ass about being a christian. My suggestion is to cut him off for a year, then revisit the situation. The fact that they are sending his children mormon shit is a red flag showing he doesn't respect boundaries and is actively recruiting his kids. That needs to end. If he sees the errors of his poor behavior, he needs to beg forgiveness. The poster has enough tough stuff dealing with the loss of his wife. He doesn't need a destructive brother in his head right now.

It was his wife that declared war, not him. It sounds like he's her bitch. More family dysfunction caused by a dysfunctional religion.

So many Mormons are of such low character, it's no wonder we paint them with a broad brush. Their passive aggressive behavior is maddening. I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry for her loss as well.

I am sorry for all he losses in your life. I would respond with an overhand right to his face.