Posted by:
Missingfriendlysanebanter
(
)
Date: October 14, 2017 02:53PM
Last year I finally decided to leave the church. I opened my eyes to what a negative cult it could be for some people like me. Very, very unhealthy.
For years I'd stand by friends who drank, partied, got married in the temple then stopped wearing garments, were too 'tired' to go to church, etc. Internally I was semi-judging as we are taught do, but overall I really did accept them and who they were. I hung out at their houses while they drank, never speaking a word of it as it wasn't my business.
I sat in church without most of them and was trying to do the 'right' thing.
Then in a bizarre twist of fate, a handful of them RETURNED to church after I finally came out to them I was leaving. "Oh no. The church is THEE true place. We've lived both ways and your way is wrong. There is peace and love there."
I have truly never been more devastated. Not even dare I say over death of loved ones. I was finally going to be able to speak freely, do things freely, and just be myself.
They had been in the process for a few months as elderly missionaries made them feel 'so loved' and they 'saw the light again.'
I feel like everything in the world is mixed up, but this one cuts me to the heart. My friends, my confidantes, my people. The ones I sat by through 10 years of 'sinning' Ugh. That word.
Yet now I am the one that left and I am being left out. The only things they have invited me to are a ward activities. Before we had potlucks and they drank their beer and we watched sinful rated R movies.
I just had to vent it out. I'm at a time in a life where I'm not young and I'm not old, so it's the mid life weirdness. This is not helping.
Can anyone make sense of why people would go back after being such nice, awesome, silly, amazing FUN people back to boring, sheltered, shaming. I miss them. I miss them dearly.
It has been about 9 months since we spoke. I was feeling nostalgic and a bit sad today. I really can't formulate how to mix the worlds when they refuse to think there is any other way to live.
This happened with 2 set of my married friends and one single person. In one year. As I left.
The dusty hills of Southern Utah may be beautiful, but the cloud of ickiness and vanity are in full growth and abundance this fall season.
Thanks for listening folks.
Any advice to keep my sanity until I can move (not moving to fix this issue. Because it's time) regarding the environment. Advice is given a million times here, but I'm stumped at why you would go back and judge in a time the world is so open to real knowledge of the 'church.'