I was just scanning another board (a board on partisan politics), and a new entry on the "Latest Threads" forum got me to thinking about the "best advice" I, personally, ever received.

It comes down to two pieces of "best advice," from widely different sources:

1) The importance of non-conformity within a given person's culture...or, in other words, the importance of trusting one's own, genuine, instinctual inner truths and ideas, because this is the essence of an authentic and successful life (rephrased by me from "Self-Reliance," by Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1841)---a gift to me (personally, it felt like!) from Mrs. Mildred Cline, my 11th-grade American Lit teacher, as part of a general class assignment.

2) "Always remember...Be nice to the broom closet lady, because she may be running the studio next year." (The best, and most deeply true, piece of advice about the entertainment industry I have ever heard...told to me when I first went to work for Capitol Records by someone much older, and vastly more experienced, than me---who, like me, had grown up in the industry and knew what he was talking about.)

What is the best advice YOU ever received???



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2017 08:59PM by Tevai.

"Try jiggling the handle."

That's right up there with, "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Mine is easy, and I gave it to myself, and I've been passing it along when I could:

"Never tell a lie that can be confirmed a lie." It's getting harder what with geo-locating and other feats of smartphone science, which makes it all the more valuable advice.

And of course, if you tell the truth, you won't ever be proven a liar.

Another valuable bit of advice I'd been loathe to follow, but was always correct... "Bro, she's just not that into you."

If family hurts you, leave it.

Heard from victims of narcissistic abuse.

Patient: "Hey doc, it hurts when I do this." [makes weird movement with body part]

Doctor: "So, stop doing it!"

"Beth, I've seen you when you were broke and weren't talking to your family, and I've seen you when you were broke and were talking to your family.

"You were much better when you weren't talking to them.

"You will never please them. You're 45 years old, and it's time to tell your family to go fuck themselves.

"You. Will. Never. Please. Them.

"But I bet you can find a way to please yourself."

~VA PTSD Doc, 2012

Never believe everything you read.

Don't eat yellow snow.

Never watch the television and never listen to a mormon. But i do like me some tv but i know d@mn well its not for my entertainment. And maybe the advice i got today about taking vitamin D if it works.

"Trust No One" X-files

"It's simple.... never lie to someone who trusts you, and never trust someone who lies to you."

"I regret the things I didn't do most." Old person

"You can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself." Another old person

"Advice is always free, but never give free advice."

"Most people live their entire lives trying to get attention from others by pretending to be someone they are not, and find out in the end, they never really lived their own life."

"Chemical engineering isn't for you, do what you really like".

Told to me by a Health Visitor after the birth of my first baby and I was worried about coping " No one ever died of an unmade bed or a non ironed shirt "

I like this one.

Not everything worth doing is worth doing well.

Housework can wait,
babies grow up.
"Cleaning the house while the children are growing is like shoveling the sidewalk while the snow is still blowing." (Phyllis Diller)

Eat less cottage cheese and more ice cream. (Erma Bombeck)

Do the right thing even when no one is looking.

Sometimes you have to accept that some people are shi**y humans and stop trying to see the good that isn't there.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

After leaving TSSC I have two principles that guide my life, and I find them complete and very satisfying.

1. Love everybody unconditionally

2. learn something new each day

Play your cards close to your chest because "Don't tell anyone this," always translates to "Tell everybody and then tell them not to tell . . ."

Almost no human being can sit on a secret for long.

Don't ever trust an air traffic controller......proved to be true many times.

64monkey Wrote:
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> Don't ever trust an air traffic
> controller......proved to be true many times.

I don't understand what this means. Every person who has ever flown on a commercial plane, plus at least most private planes, has "trusted an air traffic controller"...

...and that TRUST has "proved to be true many times."

What is the wisdom you are wishing to impart here, 64monkey?

Ultimately the pilot in command of a plane is responsible for flying the plane safely. If the pilot in command thinks that ATC direction isn't safe or realistic (that particular direction would fly the plane directly into a thunderstorm) the pilot should answer “unable” and not just blindly follow ATC instructions. Just one example, but it makes the point.

NeverMoJohn Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ultimately the pilot in command of a plane is
> responsible for flying the plane safely. If the
> pilot in command thinks that ATC direction isn't
> safe or realistic (that particular direction would
> fly the plane directly into a thunderstorm) the
> pilot should answer “unable” and not just
> blindly follow ATC instructions. Just one
> example, but it makes the point.

Thank you!

Now I understand. :)

The ATC, knowing that Capt. Sully was in one hell of a mess, suggested that he "divert to Teterborough."

Sully replied, "Unable."

So he proceeded to do the impossible: landed that huge metallic bird in the Hudson, and got everyone off, alive and well.

He will always be a hero, in my book.

"don't shit where you eat."

HH =)

How about the other side to this coin?

"Don't eat where you shit" ...?

When it's yellow, stay mellow. When it's brown, flush it down.

How much you agree with something is directly proportional to how much you know about it.

David Dunning and Justin Kruger have no idea what they are talking about.

Tevai Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 1) The importance of non-conformity within a
> given person's culture...or, in other words, the
> importance of trusting one's own, genuine,
> instinctual inner truths and ideas
>
> 2) "Always remember...Be nice to the broom closet
> lady, because she may be running the studio next
> year."

I think both are excellent. Conformity is generally the way to go in any society or group, but it's at pivotal moments, when the group goes in a direction we feel is wrong, that we must speak out.

As far as the broom closet lady is concerned, I think an important addition is that you have to really mean it, and that only works if you are genuinely interested in the other person. You can't fake that.

As for the best advice that was given to me, it's more of a life lesson I learned early on in my career. I really looked up to an executive who was suddenly fired. I was very anxious as to what would happen to the company next but to my surprise, nothing happened. Everything went on as before, just with another executive. The lesson to me was: everybody is expendable at work, so do your job to the best of your abilities but go home on time and spend time with your family. Work can wait till tomorrow.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/16/2017 01:37PM by rt.

rt Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> As far as the broom closet lady is concerned, I
> think an important addition is that you have to
> really mean it, and that only works if you are
> genuinely interested in the other person. You
> can't fake that.

Within the entertainment industry (which is the focus of this advice, though it also applies throughout general life), there is a now historic paradigm which is played out constantly, new generation by new generation.

"The industry" attracts very high numbers of larger-than-life people who have personality disorders (in some cases, the individual talents of these particular people appear to DEPEND on the personality disorder), as well as people who fall within normal mental and emotional health parameters, but are just "not nice" people: they're selfish, they are users, they are uncaring, they are gratuitously mean, and they are convinced they are God's gift to whoever they choose to spend a moment or so of their time with.

They are really difficult to work with and to be with in the kinds of high-stress conditions that are normal, everyday life in the industry...and "behind the camera" or "in front of the camera" doesn't seem to make a difference, because these kinds of people can be found just about everywhere.

There is also a very high and ungovernable element of "chance" which frequently comes into play in the industry, and the legendary "real life" stories (some of which actually happened; others did not), are part of the industry culture because they DO happen...at least, from time to time. Some behind-the-camera exec's babysitter, s/he realizes at a difficult casting meeting, would be PERFECT for a key role in an upcoming film or TV show. The kid who is the best friend of someone else's offspring, ditto. The guy who is schlepping the mail from office-to-office gets the opportunity to add his "two cents" to a story structure dilemma, and suddenly he has a position on the writing team, which is followed by great success and an Oscar (or something similar, anyway ;) ). Steven Spielberg (so the story goes), in the pre-beginning of his career, got onto the Universal lot and just lived there for awhile, camping out in unoccupied offices for the night, using the lot restrooms and cafeterias...and (very importantly) reading the ever-changing contents of executive and producer wastebaskets. During that time he got to know "everyone" on the lot (all of whom thought he was a Universal employee), and when an opportunity arose for Spielberg to become part of the story/script process, he grabbed it.

In the future that we all know this young Spielberg was going to have, do you think that those who meanly dissed "the kid" were likely to get the assignments, the projects, and the ultimate success via Spielberg that they COULD have received by simply being polite to him, instead of being asses to him?

So the advice I was given was not about faking interest, but about being a mensch: greeting the broom closet lady when you see her (instead of ignoring her), knowing her by name...basically, acknowledging her existence and (implicitly) her importance in the overall goals which everyone in the building (or on the lot) are trying to achieve...

...because someday, she (or someone SHE knows!---this is HOLLYWOOD!...the place where "everyone" knows "everyone else"!) may be the exact person YOU need the most to advance your own goals at that moment in time.

(The industry sociopaths and industry narcissists are the ones who would never understand or follow this advice, because they are too absorbed in faking basic respect and empathy rather than feeling it. Some of them get away with this for their entire careers, but most of them don't, and they fizzle out fast as the film and TV equivalents of "One Hit Wonders.")



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/16/2017 02:28PM by Tevai.

The Gambler

You gotta know when to hold
Know when to fold
Know when to walk away
Know when to run

Arthur Branch, Manhattan District Attorney on "Law and Order"

The good you do doesn't always do you any good.

"You are as happy as you chose to be".

That seems really unfair to people in terrible circumstances or people who are ill. If you are able to choose happiness, throw in some gratitude and an acknowledgement that others might not be so fortunate.

From my dad: "To thine own self be true."

Also from my dad: "Don't ever trust anyone who is deliberately cruel to any animal. These are people without conscience, and who, if they thought they could get away with it, and thought they had a reason (She laughed at me! I don't like fat people! Whores deserve anything that happens to them! I don't like cats!), they would not hesitate to do the same thing to you or to anyone else. People with no conscience cannot be trusted."

(He told me the 2nd one after investigating a person who was poisoning hamburger and tossing it in people's yards where there was a dog or cat.) :( (He was a state police officer.)

From my paternal grandmother re gossip and rumors: "The more you stir an old turd, the more it stinks."

It was in a Jr high school class.

When making a decision, take these three steps.

1)know all the options that you can take
2)try to think thru all the risks, consequences to each option
3)***CHOOSE FREELY******

There are not many specific lessons I ever took away from a formal classroom, but that one I did, still remember it, and still apply it to this day, over 40 years later

"Let them ride the crazy train without you." When dealing with difficult family, etc.

From our own Beth here at RfM.

TG

I'll tell my son that I have officially given good advice at least once. ;-)

You've made me feel like I matter. That's a humbling and wonderful feeling. Thank you, TG. <3

1. When you can't make them see the light, make them feel the heat.

2. I will not be pushed, stamped, filed, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. My life is my own.

3. Your future Mrs Right will WANT to make YOUR life wonderful, not expect you to make HER life wonderful.

4. Some of us kiss more 'frogs' than others because we are too willing to love other people rather than wait and see until someone proves they are deserving of your effort to love them.

5. I don't mind helping the helpless, but it's counterproductive to encourage the clueless.

6. You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone-not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

"If I don't stand up for myself, no one else will!"
Me - Grade 9 Student/Parent/Teacher meeting, After I corrected a Teacher for lying to my mom about me and told her I would not be returning to her class.

"Better to die on your feet than to live on your knees."
Midnight Oil - Power And The Passion

"Knowing nothing in life but to be legit
Don't quote me boy, cause I ain't said shit."
Eazy-E / NWA - Boyz-N-The Hood

From my first Spanish class: "En boca cerrada, no entran moscas." (Flies don't enter a closed mouth.)

Think before speaking, and make every word count.

"When you get to the fork in the road, take it."

"Trust no one, not even your own brother" -said the Pharaoh in The Ten Commandments.

"Karma comes around"- whether you do good or bad to someone, eventually it will come back to you.