I am not a Mormon and I am just a christian that do not buy in any of the Mormons teachings. However, my wife has recently joined the group without my knowledge and decided to be baptized as a Mormon. We had extensive discussion about the Mormons beliefs and I told her that there is no way I can join the Mormon Church.My wife told me that the church is teaching her how to become a good wife and how to take good care of our family.It has been 3 months since she joined the Church and at this point she refuses to take my advise. I would appreciate if someone can give me a better approach to help my wife to leave the Mormon Church.

Thank you,

You lost me at "...recently joined the group without my knowledge..."

You may have bigger problems than her trying to be a better wife.

I agree with olddog.... your troubles are deeper than her

joining the Mormon church. It sounds to me as if you want

to control her and you can't and it bothers you. She's not

your puppet my friend, she's a human being with her own

thoughts and feelings. If you don't realize that and respect

her things will get worse.

I agree you should not try to control your spouse.

I wanted to have sex with the neighbor, but my wife, being the control freak that she is, said no.

I'm guessing the OP's wife will be paying tithing with their joint money, but he should have no say in that, either, I suppose.

To save you time, Free Man never fails to whine about how horrible marriage is. Evidently, his wife expects him to work and be faithful. She sounds terrible. Really, she sounds fictional.

How in the world did that happen without your knowledge? Do you two not communicate with each other?

boydslittlefactory

My wife and I do communicate very well. I have told the missionaries a couple of times that they are not welcome to my house, I was very harsh with them and my wife did not like it.
My wife was curious and listen to the missionaries while I was at work. I work 1400-2300 week days. Most of their meetings happened when I was not home.

Meetings when you weren't home? I though that was a 'no-no'!?

Yeah... No mention of kids; no indication the missionaries had more than one target to dunk. So on that basis, they could not be alone with the wife.

Also, the OP seems to be trying to project maturity, and there seems to be a military bearing projected, with the 24 hour clock... And my spidey sense tingled at just the title: "Need expertise advise" I'm no grammar nazi, but the correct phrase would be "need expert advice". That alone would not be sufficient, but it's very much at odds with the tone the OP attempts to project.

But as I've freely admitted, I'm a shithead.

Unless they were sister missionaries.

And it's possible that English isn't OP's first language.

Good thought. "Mangrang" is in Central Tibet... But the church doesn't have a mission there. Oh well.

Yay though we walk through the valley of trollville we shall not wander for the troll stink shall guide us to bull shit.

Old dog

I have no military background. There are a few businesses that do use military time.
I appreciate your honesty.

I suggest you determine why your partner felt she had to keep her membership a secret from you.

Secondly, determine what "need" the so called church is fulfilling.

Answer these questions and you can determine how to proceed.

That and "the church is teaching her how to become a good wife and how to take good care of our family..."

Uhhh, common sense? Love? Ethics?



Don't want to sound calloused, but...troll?

Chicken N. Backpacks Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That and "the church is teaching her how to become
> a good wife and how to take good care of our
> family..."
>
> Uhhh, common sense? Love? Ethics?
>
>
>
> Don't want to sound calloused, but...troll?


Yeah, I could hear the clipity clop of troll hoves ... you're right.

Ask her why she imagines she needs the Mormon church to become a good wife and mother. Does she think she was a bad wife and mother before she met the Mormons?

There is a fairly good chance that you don't have to do anything. The church actually loses most of its converts within a year. She was probably "love-bombed" into the church as part of the church's conversion program. Now that effort has gotten her in, the church's unreasonable demands of her as a member will begin to apply. That usually dampens much of a newbie's enthusiasm when that realization starts to sink in. Further, the welcoming attitude of the members will cool off now that they are out of missionary mode. Your wife will notice the change in their attitude toward her, and she might well be turned off. We frequently say that the best anti-Mormons are the Mormons themselves.

Part of her new church responsibilities will be to bring you into the fold, so they can get their hands on your tithing money. She will be judged by her success in that effort. As you resist, the pressure will build on her to achieve some kind of result. She can expect guilt and shame, as well as condescending pity, from her "friends" for failing to get you to fall in line. This kind of judgment may also help her to see what is in store for her as long as she affiliates with the church. It will not be easy for her to continue attending by herself week after week.

**DO NOT allow your children to attend with her. The church's childhood indoctrination programs are intense, continual and effective, as many here will attest.**

Many women in the church have problems with the church's doctrinal polygamy. While men are no longer able to have more than one living wife at a time, polygamy is still a doctrine of the church, and members believe that men will be able to have multiple wives for eternity. Two current apostles (Nelson and Oaks) have been temple-married to two women, and they expect to have both wives in their version of heaven. So ask your wife what she thinks of having no choice but to share her husband with other women in the next life, and making babies for eternity, and what kind of heaven that would be for her.

What you should NOT do is lecture her. That will only make her even more entrenched in the church. Let the Mormons do your work for you, and bring up the doctrinal problems only in passing or if the subject comes up naturally. You can't force this however, and it would be a mistake to try. She has to come to this conclusion on her own.

Thank you so much Synonymous
I appreciate your advise. I will continue to keep my distance from the church. The leader of the church came to my house a couple of times to talk to me and I told him my days off are reserved for my rest and attending to the needs of my family.
I clearly told him that he should not think that he have my permission to come to my house because of my wife is member of the church.
I am going to educate myself in knowing more about the doctrine.

Once again thank you for suggestions.

Monson came to your house? Jk. Educating yourself on everything is not a pleasant road just to give you a head's up.

mangrang Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The leader of the
> church came to my house a couple of times to talk
> to me and I told him my days off are reserved for
> my rest and attending to the needs of my family.
> I clearly told him that he should not think that
> he have my permission to come to my house because
> of my wife is member of the church.
>

What rights does your wife have? Can she not choose to allow someone into her home, or is that a privilege reserved for you? My wife and I try to be considerate of each other's feelings, but I would never say that my wife didn't have the right to invite someone into our home. Our home is just as much hers as it is mine.

SCMD

I understand your perspective on how you run your house. In that regard you might decide what is convenient for you and your love ones.
My wife is surely entitled to anything that belong to our family. she is free to invite whoever she wants to come and visit her. There is one exception to the rule I have no obligation to listen to the Mormons teachings when they don't respect the days I need to rest and enjoy my day off with my family. My house is not the extension of their church and I will never allow them to impose on me and my family their beliefs and their ways of living. My wife is an adult and she can decide on her own what is important to her. I am just trying to be helpful and be there for her if she need me in any capacity. My wife knows where I stand when it comes to her activities at the church or at the house. My love and my respect for her did not change because she decided to join a church that I disagree with their doctrines and beliefs. To some extend I can sense what she likes and what she does not like about the church, but as many suggested here I am going to take my time and give her some room to digest what she is learning at the church. And When there will be any opportunity where my wife needs my input about something regarding the church, I have a long list of things that I will talk about one at the time as opportunity will arise.

Thank you. Although we might disagree the way we do things or say things, I do appreciate your input.

"Can she not choose to allow someone into her home"

Really?? Yes, she cannot. As I cannot, without her consent.

It's their home. Together. I respect my wife's decision on who can come in our home, and she respects mine.

Yes keep the children away at all costs.

The cult puts members ahead of families.

If there's a conflict between the two, the cult always prevails.

If you're seeking any kind of good approach to countering the brainwashing that's happened to your wife, please start getting educated at least a little to the historicity of Mormonism's founding leaders, and the sordid truths the church for the longest time tried to hide from its members.

The more you educate yourself on Mormonism as a cult you may be able to help your wife realize she joined a cult instead of a church. It will divide your family if she gets further into it because that is how the church works. It's so totally mind controlling it takes away a person's ability to think for themselves and controls every facet of their lives.

I am definitely going to read more about the Mormon church.

Thank you,

A man once said it is easy to join a cult but it is hard as hell to get out.

Maybe it's time to back off a little. You might be pushing your wife toward the church by giving advice that she doesn't want to hear.

Keep in mind that your wife is in the honeymoon phase of Mormonism.

The good news is that many new converts leave the LDS church within a short amount of time. There are several reasons for this. Church members are are often very friendly and welcoming to new converts, but that friendliness often fades over time.

Also, the church is a time consuming, money sucking organization. That isn't always apparent to new converts. But with a little time, reality often (hopefully) sets in.

At this point, I think the best thing that you can probably do is educate yourself as much as possible about the church. I think the knowledge you gain will be invaluable as you continue to discuss the LDS church with your wife. Mormonthink.com is a great resource.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/16/2017 10:26PM by want2bx.

I think someone needs to explain to the OP the financial, and the time, requirements which are expected of active members.

[mangrang: I am a "nevermo" ("never Mormon"), so I am not the person to explain these requirements to you, but active membership in the LDS church costs a significant amount of money, and also requires considerable time commitments for church-related activities, such as being assigned to work as part of cleaning crews to clean the church, etc.]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/16/2017 10:33PM by Tevai.

Be nice with her while learning about mormonism, mormonthink and packham.n4m.org are good sites for it.
Then you can told her that mormonism is a cult, and also you can show him videos of the mormon temple ceremonies which show clearly that mormonism is a cult.

Hello Everyone

I truly appreciate your advise. Since I had some discussions with my wife about the organization, I decided to do just everything I can to support her and the family. I am a very open person and for many years that I have been married, I always believe as a couple we must be honest to each other and it takes both of us to make the marriage works.I don't believe that by just insisting that I love my wife that will mount to a level of trust or true love. I believe she must be able to express her feelings and her thoughts in everything we do for the good of our family. For me as a husband, I am dedicated not only to respect my wife but also to consider her as the most important partner in my life. Although, she might have seen something different by talking to the Mormon group, I certainly believe that my wife and I have a lot in common than her relationship with the Mormons. As a lot of you suggested, I am going to give her some time to realize a lot of the flaws in the Mormons, and then I will bring up one at the time the concepts taught by the Church that are questionable and deeply troubling.
Once again thank you all for your participation.

Are some of us forgetting that FACTS DON'T MATTER to most Mormons? that's incredible in itself!

As others have said, the church talks about family ad nauseum, and then keeps you so busy doing "church stuff" that the church becomes your family.

And tells you what to wear.

And tells you that if you don't pay them at least 10% of your income, your eternal salvation cannot be guaranteed.

Sounds like a cult to me.

One - or both - of you has got to go!
Your wife (and) OR her crutch/ cult/ "church"/ (sacred-hell); secret-[dis]organisation.

It may be too late. Should/ might have been by now. It may not be. Talk!

Is this a fake post?

EDUCATE YOURSELF!

Start here - Thinking of Joining
http://www.exmormon.org/tract2.htm

LDSInc is using her feelings as a sales hook. The best way to counteract that is with FACTS. She has no idea what she doesn't know. Their sales training has been perfected over generations and they do target specific types of people. I am sure you will have many questions after reading through that and there are people here that will answer you with FACTS that can be documented. My next suggestion is to take a look at "The Essays". They can be found at the top of this board here http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1180178 Even the missionaries can't argue the facts here. This is their own website, lds.org.


This one really speaks to women. In it, you can see their founding profit was quite the.... cheater. There have been many discussions here over the years about if he was actually a pedophile or not. You will need to learn what "sealing" is. I am sure someone else can explain it better. But in a nutshell, you pledge yourself to your spouse for time and all eternity. Sounds pretty important right? Well, Joe Smith was legally married to Emma. In the second link, you will see she is WAY down the list. Slipped in among the teenagers. So much for Joe and Emma the Love Story crap they teach now.

Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo
https://www.lds.org/topics/plural-marriage-in-kirtland-and-nauvoo?lang=eng

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith%27s_wives
Sealed to wife, Emma, 28 May 1843

This is another I think you will specifically find interesting. The first 9/11 did not happen in New York. It is a date I have dreaded since I was a young child. You can find out much more about it by using the search function here or just asking :)

Mountain Meadows Massacre
http://www.lds.org/topics/mountain-meadows-massacre

You'll need to wait until she starts to see little problems you can discuss. It might be when they twist her arm for tithing or force her to take callings she hates. Newly baptized members are usually spoiled and pampered. They don't know that his is plotted to control them until they're too indoctrinated to leave.

Jump in and support her if she has the tiniest complaint. It usually does little good to try to attack her new beliefs when she's happy and enthralled.

DO NOT let her go to the bishop's office without you. He is likely to turn her against you. Tell her it's unseemly for her to meet with a lay volunteer religious male without you. I'm serious. Bishops do plot with wives on how to convert spouses and if it doesn't work, they often try to convince them to leave the marriage.

From reading your original post I suspect your wife may be unhappy with her life and she figures that being a mormon will help make her happy. Sure, she will have more friends from the cult but really, in the end, she will be about as happy as she is now.

That said be careful that she doesn't now blame you for everything that goes wrong in her life. Mormons tend to blame others for their own problems. She might say something like "Our life would be better if you were a mormon too" or something to that effect. Mormonism does not bring happiness - it never has.

Happiness only comes from within. It is not your job or anyone else's duty to make your wife happy. She has got to find that within herself.

Hopefully she will see how fake it all is soon enough. Those friends she now has in the church will judge her and make her feel that she's not good enough in no time. That and the meetings are just awful. There is nothing more joyless than a mormon sacrament meeting.

If you are going to talk to her about the church try to approach it from the standpoint that you are truly interested in it, like you might join if it made sense. Read up on it and gently put some of the evidence out there for you both to talk about. I actually think that the proof is in the pudding - she will find out that it doesn't help nor does it make her happy in a few months.

A final thought - Control in any relationship is bad. You both should not ever try to control each other. Not with money, sex, anger, or any form of manipulation. Control leads to resentment and that will kill your marriage.

Good luck with your wife. I hope she doesn't stay in the cult for long. I was in it for 38 years.

PrayDude

Thank you so much for your input. I have been discussing with my wife a lot of important issues regarding the church. She seems to stay always on the side of defending the organization. I told her that I am more interested in knowing the doctrine of the Mormons. It seems to me like there were a lot of changes throughout the years that could not be explained in such a manner that a non-Mormon could understand. I have a big issue believing in the veracity of Joseph Smith's revelations and his promiscuous behavior that could easily land him on the list of sexual predators that take advantage of women. I do not believe that there is a planet where God lives that the Mormons blindly follow most of the irrational beliefs of the Church, and hoping that one day they will live happily there. I am a rational person and I believe that there are more evidence on earth about things that do support the existence of a higher being that seems to put things in a systematic order found in nature. I am far from believing that there is a realm where mankind will have eternal life without investing the amount of love that will make them reach that kind of life in the spiritual world. So far, there is no record of men or women who died in the past that today we are able to witness that they are living in a better place than their previous journey here on earth. Personally, I believe that throughout history, people have been manipulated spiritually, emotionally and intellectually into believing that once they pass away there is a spiritual treasure where there is an abundant happiness and joy without worries and all the hardships known here on earth.

Just a thought!

Thank you for reading,

If you have children, do not allow them to go to church or to be indoctrinated in any way. I would also tell your wife that there are to be no church visitors or representatives at home. She can meet them at church, in a park, or in a café. Also, do not donate any family money to this church. It is a very rich church with extensive land and business holdings. It does not need your money -- your family needs your money!

The missionaries did not tell her the entire truth about the church. Have her look at this site:

http://wivesofjosephsmith.org/

The founder of Mormonism practiced polygamy which has never been legal in the United States. Some of his "wives" were girls as young as 14 years old (at a time when the average age of first marriage for women in the U.S. was 23.) Many women are repulsed by this.

Keep reading the board. You will need to learn much.

try holding her down on the bed and shaking her until she submits to your authority OPie ~


in b 4 ~ this works with children and animals as well ~


in b 4 ~ however ~ mebe against the law in certain jurisdictions ~

in b 4 ~ be sure to check your local and state laws ~



stay safe OPie ~

he's suffering from Trollitus, Troll breath, I could smell the troll in the air. Ignore.

Why blame the victim ?

It appears his wife was targeted for conversion, there probably were a number of secret meetings behind his back to brainwash her and she secretly joined.
That's how every cult operates.

Your marriage,unfortunately,is in serious trouble since she listens to to the Mormon cult and not you.

Insist on marriage counseling with a therapist who has some experience in cult deprogramming.
But brace yourself,she may pick the cult over you.
Foolish woman.

Do you know the polygamist history of the church? I suggest learning about it, so that if and when your wife starts speaking of her concern for her "eternal family," you can explain just how large she should envision that to be, and the "heaven" which awaits her.