I seem to remember ole joe threatening someone who left the church at some point that if he left, he would not be able to resist becoming a great antagonist of the church. And it happened. I've heard the threat/prophecy repeated by various church leaders through the years.

When I decided to leave, I really wanted to avoid becoming too angry at TSCC or antagonistic of its members (I still have active family members).

The more I think about it though, the angrier I become that I was deceived and manipulated in so many ways. Being a member of TSCC did a lot of good things for me. But it was also incredibly damaging.

Does anyone else struggle with this? Maintaining an honest, healthy accounting of how church membership affected you while not allowing yourself to be engulfed by it?

Er..so i thought we were going to be the best of friends!

Goodness...who wants to antagonise the Church other than they are just ridic!

best of friends indeed! work was insanely busy the past couple days. I thought I emailed you back though? did I not? :( I will.

Hmmmmm did I get my blessing?

I thought for a minute my prolificness was scary. I know that is not a word!

I have a hunger and a thirst for real conversation that doesn't revolve around you know what!

okay had to delete my new fake account...too much whackiness...hmmm you should have my real account.

Don't worry I am balanced...I am thrilled about my new sane friends!

So when you coming down to P-town?

So what if you begin to speak the truth about the church once you leave. Something wrong with that? I am confused that it would be a problem. Now I understand that you may not wish to do so with family members who are still in. But anyone else??? I say speak your truth and don't be ashamed. Don't allow Mormons who made you feel guilty about stuff while in the church do the same once you are out,

haha, good point. I guess sometimes I feel I am getting caught up by my frustration at having spent almost my entire life being fooled, and allowing myself to continue to be controlled by it rather than just moving on. Jeez, even writing this, I feel some degree of angst. I think it's healthy to get it all out, I just don't want to be consumed by it. Does that make sense?

Yes I hear you...now about this wine in the pantry...hmmm

I have never liked wine.

how unfortunate. I love wine.

Now why is that unfortunate?

BTW...I like umbrella drinks!

I like aperatifs too! Hmmm bit of a snafu with emails!

As far as I know, this was said when people were losing everything and not happy about it.

I am finding that there are not many ex-mo's where I live who want to discuss the church much. I find myself thinking that maybe there is something wrong in my perspective, but I just can't help myself. I've discovered that most of the ex-mo's I meet left the church because of one particular issue or another, but none have done research and learned of the church's dark past. I get frustrated at this! I can only hope that one by one, members will start to pull their heads out of the sand and find a desire to know the true roots of the religion they are following so devoutly.

Yes I agree.

Many leave out of offense or desire to be free to drink coffee.

I wanted to know what I needed to know to make a real decison and have conversations of meaning about how I came to know it wasn't for me!

I hear you loud and clear sista!

I feel exactly the same way. It's annoying when people fall into the trite reasons that are always given by the church for people going inactive; they were offended, they like to drink, they felt guilty about their sex life. No, the whole church is just a huge crock! It's frustrating when you find someone who says they're an ex-mo and you find out that they actually still claim to believe in a lot of it, but just like to drink or whatever. Not trying to judge, everybody has their own reasons, and does whatever they need to do to be happy. But I sympathize with the fact that it's hard to find people to sympathize with :) God, I'm afraid I came off sounding like an ass. If I offend anyone who reads this, keep in mind I've personally consumed 2 bottles of wine tonight. forgive me.

Oh stop with the apologies...

Arise from the dust and be a man [and I say this with love]. Ha ha ha :)

There is nothing to apologize for...here in exmorgdom we don't get upset because we are no longer insecure about who are [we may have the occasional panice attack realizing that you are not keeping the commandments...then your sanity restored...that one was for me]

:)

We all had a feeling you were under the influence...that said I agree with you.

My hats off to Joseph Smith...he really could think things through that one.

Reading no one knows my history has made everything make more sense.

His mom was antinomian [meaning under grace] so the kids knew not to fear GOD. Joseph knew that he was under grace...still trying to piece everything together though!

E.g., happiness is the object and desire of our existence quote...used to get Nancy Rigdon to sleep with him.

Well that changed everything for me...Goodness!

Keep in mind the stages of grief that you are going through. There are losses of certainty, losses of a fantasy afterlife, losses of a promise of family closeness in eternity if sacrifices were made here on earth, vague descriptions of valor in a previous life, a narrative we all bought.

Allow yourself to grieve the losses while looking forward to the tremendous gains. It helps to recognize the stage you are in as the delusion has died (Mormism is a cult based on delusions, sorry if that offends). These are from the seminal book by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross "On Death and Dying". She later applies them to life tragedies and disasters, job loss, etc. Read more here at the wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model#Stages

My comments in parenthesis:

1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me." (The church must have an explanation for this discrepancy/lie/historical truth which has been misrepresented)
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death. (OMG What about my wife and kids? And my mother! This will kill Granny if I leave the church! My job!)
2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?" (Those bastards have been lying to me from the first missionary to my present bishop.)
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. (What about the goddamn tithing--can I get a refund? Wonder if I can file a lawsuit?)
3. Bargaining — "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..." (Maybe I'll continue in the church and just keep my nonbelief to myself. No one has to know...at least until Timmy goes on his mission...)
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..." (I will tell my spouse and we will continue to pay tithing on her salary and we won't tell the kids until they're older, but I'll tell my children from the previous marriage...but not Granny...or my boss)
4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?" (What's the point if I lose the respect of the people I care the most about? They think I'm under Satan's control and people are telling my wife to leave me...these Mormons don't care about me at all, they never did, and now my own flesh and blood! I'm screwed--why go on? Life is meaningless without family...)
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. (Disconnecting from being loved for performance in a role and finding your way to self-compassion and seeing the good that is in you, the real you, that is above performance. That you are a good person who wanted to serve God and was taken advantage of. Period. No more, no less...)
5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it." (I see that I am a kind, good person and Satan is not controlling me at all. In fact, now that I dont believe in Satan or Christ, I feel much better-OR Now that I can worship the real Christ in a normal Church of loving people who aren't trying to manipulate me, it's going to be ok...maybe even much better. Even if I lose my family, I own my own life and can choose freely my values. My family and friends will respect that over time as they see me living a happy balanced life. Yeah, I see it and it is good.
In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with her/his mortality or that of a loved one. (Once an illusion is seen through, it can never be effective again. You cannot unring that bell. You cannot unlearn the truth about the church. The person makes the adjustment to their world view that they are no longer gods in embryo, chosen people, a light to the world, a "saint". You are a man among men, a woman among women, no better or worse than the people around you and joy-of-joys, YOU control the vertical, YOU control the horizontal.

Starting with self-compassion, build a new you today. Reward yourself for exercising every day with something you love that is not food--like a DVD or a book. When you get the urge to go through a drive-thru and get a snack, have apples in the car instead and start munching immediately, don't stop driving. You get the idea (I used to go to the library instead of to the fast food place). I carried water wherever and sprinkled a little lemonade powder in it. Kept my mouth busy. Make it a game and you are your player. Equip your backpack and get started because this is the most exciting game you will ever play: And remember to reward yourself all day long, with a walk to a favorite bench, with ice cubes to munch, etc.

FIND THE NEW YOU GAME --the most exciting hobby in the world, because it's real and personal!

Good luck to you and please keep us posted on your progress. We identify with you and are rooting for you.

Anagrammy

AMEN...I can tell I a now in find the NEW ME game...its fun its scary, but anything is better than MORGdom!

YAY...YAY!!!!

Are you sober now? Cause today is Sip on Something Good Monday

"nways

...

Hmmm had to restructure my email.
I am not going to write my real one here.

I want my new friend back!

Hey tsaint!
I sent Susan I/S my REAL contact info to give to you. If you would like to talk please mail her :) Exmolight@gmail.com
**


Had to ditch the TBM stalker!