Posted by:
Mother Who Knows
(
)
Date: October 26, 2017 12:46AM
Yes, OP, you are getting to the root of it all!
This is how the Mormon cult sucks people in, and keeps them sucked-in. Cult missionaries and leaders, first and foremost, make their victims feel inadequate, that they NEED to join and pay money to the cult. Victims are threatened, that if they do NOT join the cult, that they will be forever separated from their families, that they will burn in the second coming, etc. They are instructed that if they don't pay tithing, God will withdraw His blessings, and they will fail financially. My children and I have had many, many different Mormon leaders tell me these things, over the years. When you hear it that often, you start believing it:
"I am nothing without The Church."
Whole families believe this, so it becomes a group-hysteria way of thinking.
I went to a psychiatrist, who told me that low self-esteem is at the root of my depressed feelings. Blair Watson has a good essay, on how the Mormon church creates low self-esteem in its members--I wish I could copy it for you, but I'm not home to find it.
Already, by just being out there, you are demonstrating that you are brave, strong, and intelligent
Being single and 30 in the Mormon church can be rough! Have you ever thought that the reason you aren't married is that your instincts have always told you that you could not be happy married to a Mormon? And who make "perfect husbands" and who are you "supposed" to date? Mormon men! All the others are pushed aside into the crowd of "gentiles", who are all inferior to Mormons, right? You were taught that lie since childhood. You need to flush this lie out of your brainwashed brain! If you sincerely want to find a husband, move out of Utah!
I fell in love with a life-long friend, who was an Atheist. He was and is one of the most wonderful, interesting, genuine men I know, and we are still best friends. He asked me to marry him, when I was 18 (he was 23), and I wasn't ready yet for marriage. He married someone else soon after that. I was at BYU, and not finding any of the young men I dated to be interesting, or genuine. Most of them disrespected women. I didn't want a relationship with a man who believed in polygamy in heaven, and that women are inferior and can't have the priesthood, etc. This is not our fault, OP!
In graduate school, at another university, I reconnected with an amazing young man, from my home town, whom I had known from elementary through high school. We fell in love, but he was an Atheist, and when he left on sabbatical, my parents pushed a returned missionary onto me, who was the son of an important Mormon General Authority. I thought my parents knew him and his family, but they did not. The guy just conned them, and he conned me, too, and we got married within a few months. He beat me. Wow! Having someone almost kill me, nearly every day, for 10 months, took what little was left of my self-esteem. I didn't care if I lived or died.
Long story, but I divorced him, and disgraced my family, and had to move someplace safe, and far away, and start over. Now, in the Mormon Older Single Adults, I was over 30, and divorced. Single Mormon men would date me, and tell me that I was lucky to be invited by them, because I was "used merchandise." I actually married one of the men who told me that. I was soooo lucky that he condescended to propose marriage to me! I was saved from spinsterhood, which was the most horrible fate of all, according to my TBM family. In the next 12 years, I blessed them with some adorable children, to baptize into their cult. My new Mormon husband thought he was so wonderful, that he decided to give other women the privilege of sleeping with him, too. Repulsed, I divorced him, too.
Being single is underrated! Enjoy! Meet a variety of people--not just the men, but women, too, and make friends, first of all. See each person as an individual. A person is MORE than just their beliefs and their appearance. My old grandma gave me some good advice: "Don't marry anyone, unless they make your life better."
You deserve better!
Leaving the cult, and following your heart--that's a great start!