Posted by:
Anon for this
(
)
Date: October 31, 2017 02:28AM
I thought of it and have been carefully looking for any hints of it. I haven't seen a single one, and I'm grateful.
I know that going all these years without the structured feel of "Church on Sunday" has bothered him. He didn't mind when I went to the Presbyterian church. He went with me.
But in the last year or so, I have developed arthritis in some old spinal injuries, and I can barely walk. I can still drive, and walk enough to park in a "disabled" slot, get a scooter cart, and pick up a few things, make my way back to my car and return home. This little outing might or might not trigger an episode of hellish pain that requires opiates. (No sermons, please. I am the most cautious, record-keeping opiate taker that I know. I have NEVER taken a dose before the label says I am allowed to. And often, while waiting, the pain may go away on its own.)
But running short errands is a joy, something that proves I am still alive and still have some value. I refuse to waste my diminished energy on something that is WORTHLESS.
Moe, I have no problem with his intention to marry me after I die in a proxy temple marriage. Coming from him, this is the most loving thing he can do. He believes that this will ensure that we will be together for eternity. Who could ask for more love than that?
Personally, I have gone through the temple and have a deep conviction that it is all BS. But it won't do me a bit of harm, once I'm gone.
Returning to the Presbyterian church might help, but it might just as easily trigger a pain attack. And since I no longer have religious beliefs of any kind, I just don't want to. And at my age, by gumbo, I will not be pushed.
We seem to have settled on a truce. If he wants to go to church, that's fine, as long as he doesn't wake me up. He is very clever at getting ready quietly. Often, he has gone and come back before I wake up. (He is an early bird; I am a night owl.) Anyway, the substance of the truce is that he is free to go, and enjoy it as much as he wants. I don't want to hear about it, except maybe in passing, like "So-and-so says hi."
So far, they have not extended a calling. I would discourage it if they did. He has a sporadic, part-time job anyway, and it leaves him tired and wrung-out, so I would point that out.
Thank you, everybody, for letting me vent and cry on your collective shoulders.