Soooo... anyone else on here going through the motions and absolutely tired of it?

In a previous thread I determined with help from the board that I should "shelve" my doubts (to the bishop that is-- these puppies ain't shelved for me!) and finish my last year at BYU pretending to be OK with all of this so as not to risk expulsion and not getting into med school.

And I thought the cognitive dissonance being a mormon was bad.... sheesh this is killing me!

I wanted to squeeze lemons on my eyes yesterday in sacrament when a man started crying at the pulpit about his friend having a "trial of faith" who shared some of his doubts with him. He said he didn't know the answers so he just bore his testimony and felt the spirit and knows it will help his friend.

**sticks finger in mouth and fake vomits

It's best to imagine yourself an undercover spy I think. I was so sick of pretending the last year of BYU that I could hardly stand it. Once the scales were off my eyes the whole BYU Mormonosity of the place seemed so infantile and sychophantic. And then you never know who will turn you in given the chance. I got called in to see the Dean of the Honor Code once and scared the crap out of me. Turned out there was another student with the same name in really big trouble and I got a barrel full before the Dean realized his mistake. My infraction was hair touching the collar.

It had to be way worse for you with the DW and all, but just keep it up. If you can do this, you can do anything. You are going to want to write a book about this some day.

You have my deepest commiseration.

Oh, wow, a major sin: hair below the collar line!

We had that stupid rule at my British boarding school. My brother got around it by having short hair at the back... and an enormous forelock in front which reach down to the middle of his chest.

It didn't go down well (but then, that wasn't the intention) but it wasn't actually against the rules so they couldn't do anything ;-)

Tom in Paris

I got turned in by the girl, I mean sister, who sold tickets to the campus theater in the Wilkinson Center. All this drama just because I was being dragged by friends to see "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!" Is that a Mormon capsule in time or what?

As a kid, I used to count the acoustic tiles on the ceiling....over, and over, and over.....but it didn't help, I still hated church.

Jonny the Smoke Wrote:
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> As a kid, I used to count the acoustic tiles on
> the ceiling....over, and over, and over.....but it
> didn't help, I still hated church.

That reminds me of our church building when I was growing up. It had a ceiling made of solid wood so the knotholes showed up perfectly. I still remember leaning my head back and counting the knotholes while the meetings dragged on and on.

I imagine it must be difficult! Perhaps you can think of it as a job. We've all sat in work-related meetings where we've wanted to roll our eyes, or smirk, or yell, "Bullfeathers!" Actually, that was my day today. ;)

Hang in there. This, too, will pass.

what happens in church these days. Come back and report each week if you feel it will help. Someone else posts what they hear in meetings on Sundays and I always find it interesting.

I am definitely going through the motions, i don't even care if i die in my sleep it would actually save my @ss if that happened, my counselor kind of knows that i am only being a small part of my real self towards her. I really don't know who the f#ck i am but i think i am a very mean and mad dude underneath, but it still has not surfaced but it will if i am to truly get better, i can not fake anything to sleek by for much longer.

Yeah maybe I should turn into a sunday reporter. show up. take notes for RFM and actually get something out of three hours of bad talks and thankamonies.

Badass I dunno about you but sometimes I feel that mean and mad dude underneath bubbling up bit by bit. Trying to let it out little by little. Kinda like farting on a first date, you let it seep out just enough to relieve some pressure but slowly enough that you don't freak anyone out LOL

Sometimes I have to attend LDS meetings. What I do is pretend I’m a cultural anthropologist gathering field data on a isolated tribe of wankers. If I’m feeling REALLY snarky, I’ll keep a tally of how many times these are mentioned: Joseph Smith, I know this church is is true, testimony, prophet, the Brethren, and Jesus. Jesus comes last because other than saying inthenameofjesuschrustamen, he’s a parenthetical during Sacrament Meeting.

Keep playing the game until you graduate, Buffalo! You’ll generally find a lot of support here! The Boner.

BYU Boner Wrote:
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> Sometimes I have to attend LDS meetings. What I do
> is pretend I’m a cultural anthropologist
> gathering field data on a isolated tribe of
> wankers.

What great phraseology. We can change the acronym from TCOJCOLDS to COTITOW - Church of The Isolated Tribe of Wankers. Has a nice ring to it.Thanks Boner!

So mighty Buffalo I suggest you do what I did in church at your stage in life- although not at BYU. Read. Get a “ church “ book but just the cover. Some fit over really good books to read. You can disguise reading a great novel by using the cover to Jesus the Christ or any of the Nibley series. Personally I like non-fiction. Currently reading The Gene- a book about the discovery of the gene. Really good read. Fits Jesus the Christ cover nicely

Gatorman
2-0 Yea basketball season

Ive got a great idea Gatorman. How about Kindle covers that are made to look like Triple Combinations. We can even get faux ribbons attached. GATORMAN embossed on his Triple Combination Kindle! Big hugs, Bro! Da Bone.

Two of my faves...The Gator and Da Bone!! Always a treat to read anything from you two guys. And I'm going to commit to memory the Bone's latest keeper: "isolated tribe of wankers." Great stuff. Everybody stay safe out there! -edz

I want to hear what goes on in church nowadays. If you do read during church, please report some of the crappola to the board too. I remember having the feelings of sick dread during meetings you described.

Darn, I should have saved the covers of all those LDS books I recycled! I would mail them to you.

I wonder, these days, if it might be OK to have your scriptures on a kindle. If so, anything could be on there.

My daughter and I used to draw cartoons. The problem was that sometimes we would make ourselves laugh in the meeting. I still have some of those cartoons. She is a professional illustrator, now.

Maybe that's why they made me sit on the stand, instead of with my family. (I was the organist.)

I never went to my BYU ward, the whole time I was there, but in those days, they weren't as strict. I told the bishops that I was active in my California home ward, which was true, because I liked attending with my parents and friends. My close relative was a GA, and I told the BYU ward that I was going to his ward on the weekends, in SLC. I would go to SLC every other Saturday, but would drive back to BYU Sunday morning (by way of the Alta ski resort, or my friends' apartment). My relatives thought I was going to my BYU ward; the BYU ward thought I was going to my relatives' ward. I did this for all four years, and was just fine.

If you could find something about church that you actually like, it would help you get through. I played the piano, and was minoring in music at BYU, so for me, it was just more practice. I could sit there and read sheet music, and no one was the wiser. I could hear the music in my head, so it was a treat, plus it helped me learn new pieces.

Too bad you don't know someone with a child, who would let you walk it around during meetings. That's how my son-in-law endures church. He has earphones, and can listen to the game, walking his baby up and down the halls.

Haha actually.... We do have a good couple friend at church who's 5 month old son I 'borrow' frequently. It's gotten me out of a few sacrament meetings and a couple of priesthood meetings.

Sometimes I make it my goal to at least profess something about grace and mercy and jesus since no one else seems to have any idea what those things are.

Sheesh, last time they called me as an Elder's quorum instructor I quoted Buddha more than the apostles. It was a fun little game though when people would say, "wow where did you find that quote I felt the spirit so strong when you said that?" and I would tell them some obscure made up conference talk when in reality I read it in a book on buddhism.

For those of us that served a mission, going through the motions is how we survived to go home.

When my wife and I go to sacrament meetings, which is becoming mercifully more infrequent as my wife slips into inactivity, I like to spend my time trying to spot the closet apostates in attendance. I'm pretty sure I've identified a few, but I have yet to confirm it.

So the church gives you motion sickness, then.

Yeah, church producing feelings of nausea, dizziness, upset stomach, headache, and bouts of vomiting...very common. :)

Stay strong and keep your eye on your long life ahead. Don't put that at risk. This is a difficult time but better days are ahead when you're done with BYU and can breath a deep sigh of relief.