Mother Who Knows
Date: November 08, 2017 02:45AM
I find RFM interesting, too. I like the variety of people, and all the differences in age, gender, occupations, education, etc. People on here have opened my mind, and given me new perspectives. I'm so grateful to you all.
My children and I resigned several years ago, but one of them married a Mormon RM neighbor. She is an atheist, but is conforming to the Mormon lifestyle, because she loves her husband an her life. She and her husband have agreed to attend Mormon meetings every other Sunday. I am constantly vigilant in protecting my grandchildren from Mormon stalkers, and liars, and abusers--just as I always had to protect my own children, until we finally escaped. Oh yeah, I have PTSD flashbacks! Tell me about it!
What I would like people to know, is that there is an enormous up-side to leaving the cult! My children and I are very happy! Looking back, even the worst days, when we first discovered the lies, were better than the best days in the cult. That's what they say about drugs, and it is true of Mormonism. My depression vanished like magic, in minutes, when I walked out of church for the last time, and it has never returned! The worst thing in my life was the Mormon cult. It caused me more trouble than my divorce, and more anxiety than struggling to support my children. Working and worrying in the real world was a labor of love--I wanted to raise my children, and to love them. I did NOT want to rush back and forth to endless meetings, to busywork, pretend to love the BOM and those old polygamous prophets, pretend that the temple was "so spechul" and lie to myself that "Mormonism is the best way to raise a family." I was so happy that it was a hoax, and we could escape with a clear conscience.
You are free to define "normal" for yourself. That is actually fun! You can be anyone you want to be, and change from day to day. It isn't normal for most people to be consistent, but Mormons have to be happy and obedient and reverent at all times. You will be grumpy, you will be angry, you will be discouraged when you're feeling sick, you will laugh when something strikes you as funny. That's normal!
You need to adapt to changes, as your real personality emerges. You will discover that you have a sense of humor! (Loud laughter is something the cult suppresses.) You might be very creative or artistic or intellectually curious or athletic or sensitive, or have a myriad of traits that the cult frowns upon. You will change your mind on a lot of things. One of the happiest times, was when I was finally free of racial prejudice. (I was only slightly prejudiced, because I had been raised in an integrated community, and always have had friends from different cultures and countries. I had temporarily lived in Latin America and Scandinavia, and other countries.) I felt so cleansed and free and happy! Hatred can make you miserable. Now, I hate only Mormons, and that's the last of my "personality cleansing" projects. Stop hating Mormons.
You might discover that you are an introvert at heart, as many of us have. Mormons are raised to be extroverts, and popularity is as important as wealth. "Every member a missionary." Outgoing, popular people bring in more converts. I was almost a total recluse (except for work and family) for the first few months, after I discovered all the Mormon lies. I went from extreme extrovert, to living alone, and being shunned by all of my mormon neighbors and former friends.
It's OK to be suspicious of people who want to be your friend. That's the PTSD, and just go with it, for a while. For months, I just came home from work, and hiked up in the mountains, with my dog. My children were all away at college, and I lived alone. I wouldn't see or talk to anyone all weekend. I had to wrap my brain around the brainwashing, and swallow the fact that an evil cult had (almost) ruined my life. All that hiking developed new muscles, and I dropped 20 pounds. After a year, or so, I came back to being more balanced, but I still have fewer friends than before--but at least they are real friends.
Try to have fun along the way. There will be little moments of joy, if you look for them. Try to laugh every day.