Date: May 29, 2011 08:12PM
I dont know how I stumbled upon this site today, but I'm so glad I did.
I'm 22 years old, I was born and raised in the church and lived in Utah all my life. When I was younger I always counted myself lucky to be born into the right church, (probably because the rest of the luck in my life was never great). Everything I was taught always made sense, the church made sense, that's why you're "choosing" to be a member. It wasn't until I was 17 that I really started seeing how people could see it was a cult, but even then I convinced myself that that was just because "they didnt know what I knew."
I haven't been to church in two years. I tried going back in 2009 and after the ward published my cell phone number without my permission and the resident pervert wouldn't stop texting me and harassing me, (it was creepy, he was known to do this to girls in the ward, they never gave out any type of warning about him. PLUS a neighbor recognized him advertising for random sex on craigslist, after i showed her his picture, which is fine, to each his own, but come on!) I've given up for good.
When I became inactive in high school, I lost all my friends, because I was so sinful and a bad example, even though the worse thing I did was, work on Sundays and ditch seminary. My best friend of 5 years up until then said to my face that I simply was no longer mormon enough to spend time with.
Ever since then I've felt like an outcast, and it makes me feel so ashamed, like I've done something wrong for not going back and trying to fit in again, even though I know that's not right.
I feel like the church is the only social connection I have, and without it, I have no way of meeting new people or friends. Am I crazy? Or is that just how the church works, cutting you off from everyone if you dont toe the line?