I have known him for about 27 years. He is a family-guy, close to 50, working at a SP500-company. We have never had any issues over the years. Now he is gearing up in his career and moving to a higher position on the corporate ladder. The last two years he has been complaning about stress and that he has started to forgetting things. He did a cognitive test some days ago at his company and got a high score. So everything seems to be in control.

A couple of days ago we sat down and played a video game. He had a couple of beers and I drank some coca cola. We were in a relaxed conversation about many things while playing the game but suddenly he reacted in a way I never have heard him talk before. I do not know if he was stressed because I was beating him at the game time after time but suddenly he told me that I was experienced cocksucker and expert on swallowing cum and that I should tell employers that in the future.

It was like a bolt out of the blue, why on earth would this decent and resonable person who have never said something like this for 27 years have this kind of thoughts in the head while playing a simple video game with his brother in law?

Is all the stress breaking him down? I am a bit worried. Early dementia?

Your brother in law is in a position where he must appear perfect all the time in order to succeed. He has bottled up a ton of frustration and bit his tongue a million times over the years. He has a storehouse full of venom deep inside of him. On top of that he is highly competitive and that is why he is doing well in his company.

In the end, his competitive ego couldn't bear the humiliation of being beat time and again by you, especially you, and so the barn doors flung themselves open and the ugly spilled out. He lost the control he is barely hanging on to. It wasn't just a game to him.

He probably doesn't really feel that way about you. I think it's more like swearing when you hit your thumb with the hammer. The first thing that comes to mind comes out in spades.

Or he does feel that way about you and he has been bottling that up with the other stuff. Why not ask him which. Don't make up apologies or excuses for him like saying,"Oh its just stress," or, "Maybe dementia."

Did he apologize? What happened next? Enquiring minds want to know.

He kept talking like it did not had happened. It made the situation much more wierd.

Sounds like dementia to me. Have you asked him why he would say something like that if it's so out of character for him?

I started to talk about the Family Guy character Quagmire to change the weird topic a bit. He is a inappropriate character.

You'll have to ask him. No one else can give you the answers

and suppositions aren't fact.

If you look up why a person demeans another person, the simple answer is that they do it to feel better about themselves due to their own low self esteem. Just because your BIL is successful doesn't mean he has healthy self esteem.

Drinking clouds judgment. It sounds like a couple of beers and the competition of the video game impaired his. Minus whatever other stressors he is suffering from.

His comments are reflective of someone with low self-esteem. Good point!

There is an article out this week that says children's board games as innocent and inocuous as they are, actually trigger in the children's minds that it isn't only a game but they are actually competing with each other in a real world sense of the word.

Which helps explain why tempers fly when someone is on a winning streak at another's expense. If it can trigger that in children to get an adult reaction, then your BIL's reaction was the adult reaction to competition the article addresses.

I don't see it as early onset dementia. It may have had more to do with the two beers and the lowering of his inhibitions. People do and say things when they're drinking they normally wouldn't do when cold stone sober. Not that two beers is hugely intoxicating. But if he has a low tolerance to beer or drank on an empty stomach it could have made him feel tipsy and act out.

Some people cannot handle their booze. It doesn't excuse his behavior. It may help explain it.

They got alcholism in the family and he have cut his drinking a bit. He only drank on weekends and still do.

"but suddenly he told me that I was experienced cocksucker and expert on swallowing cum and that I should tell employers that in the future."

Wait. What?

Is he right? How would he know? Did you two have an affair or does your sister tell him stuff that you tell her?

Your post is hilarious.

I do not think my brother in law tried to be funny.

Did it offend you? Do you want an apology? If so, ask for one and tell him not to talk to you like that again.

Otherwise, let it drop.

Really, who is this guy in your life?

I was not offended I have no clue why he had that kind of idea in his mind atthat age. I am clueless.

For the life of me, I can't understand why you're not offended..... unless he knows something we don't...

27 years or not, he would be out of my life until he figured it out, and showed me the medical records of treatment, physical and/or mental. If his boss had a winning streak against him, you think he would say, "You pencil-dicked piece of shit, every one who's ever worked for you thinks you're a cum-covered cocksucker. You oughta put that on your resume'!'

I doubt it; self-interest would have stopped him. You were a target he could abuse. Abuse never gets better, and I'd be concerned for my sister.

Unless he's got a serious issue like dementia or a brain tumor, there's no way I'd put myself in his sights. I'd tell my sister exactly what happened, and that she should get him to a neurologist pdq. A neurologist will be able to see much more than a cognitive test for puzzle types he's accustomed to solving. If a neurologist clears him, I'd avoid him and keep an eye on my sister.

They got alcoholism in the family and he has scaled down the amount of units he is drinking every week. He drink around 4 or 5 cans a week. Maybe he wants to drink more to relieve the stress?

That idea will work only insofar as BIL goes along and gives consent.

Why would he take himself into see a neurologist if he's just being a d*ck?

Would he even admit he has a problem serious enough to require a physical eval?

Whether his issue is psychological or physical he's likely going to be in denial when called on the carpet.

It's one thing to be upset as the result of the losing streak, but the rancor was all out of proportion!

Why go for what passes among "real" men as the worst insult possible? Why didn't he call you a no good son of a bitch, or dumb but lucky SOB, etc.?

Why go for big casino right out of the starting gate?

IMO, your mistake (while understandable due to the bizarre comment and circumstances) was not calling him on it then and there. Not in anger, but in puzzlement: "Joe? Excuse me? What did you just say? Why would you say something like that? What did you mean by that?" And... what DID you say in return? As someone else asked--what happened next? Have you seen him since? Any more strange or bizarre statements? Very interesting, I think.

It was so absurd to hear him say that I instantly tried to react like he was joking and change the dynamoc of the sitation. I drove him home later on because we live in a city that is more unsafe than ever during the night.

His uttering was just weird. No insult, no belittlement, like hewas unaware of what he was saying. And if he was unaware of what he was saying why did he have that idea in his mind?

"His uttering was just weird. No insult, no belittlement, like hewas unaware of what he was saying. And if he was unaware of what he was saying why did he have that idea in his mind?"

Maybe some delayed echo effect. Perhaps someone said the exact thing to *him* some time previously (maybe a few days to a week before) and it was bouncing around his head and needed to get out.

This is really odd, especially if you know him well and this is not like him. Forgetting things is common, but what is with a cognitive test, is that common unless you or others think there may be a problem. I would not chalk it up as stress or competitiveness, but ask him about it, like did he remember saying it? Sounds like deeper issues...but I am not a doctor.

D. A. Wrote:
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> I have known him for about 27 years. He is a
> family-guy, close to 50, working at a
> SP500-company. We have never had any issues over
> the years. Now he is gearing up in his career and
> moving to a higher position on the corporate
> ladder. The last two years he has been complaning
> about stress and that he has started to forgetting
> things. He did a cognitive test some days ago at
> his company and got a high score. So everything
> seems to be in control.
>

The test was an Human resources thing. He has been promoted to a higher position and it was a part of the evaluation process.

He might need to lighten up on the porn he's watching.

If he does it again, tell him to quit being a creep and move away.

If he keeps it up, you may want to stay away.

in b 4 ~ OPie still has not confirmed / denied allegations of said BIL ~




jus' sayin' ~

You're right. Plus, this thread is by a first time poster and not anything about mormonism. Due to our recent hacks and influx of disruptive 1st time posters, I don't put much stock in this thread.

ziller Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> in b 4 ~ OPie still has not confirmed / denied
> allegations of said BIL ~
>
>
>
>
> jus' sayin' ~

Ziller, you're my idol.

Don't think it would have been a complete sentence though.

I might take him aside and say "You said this to me. It is so out of character I thought I would make you aware of it"

I know from the alcoholics in my family tree, even one drink as innocent as it seems is enough to derail them and they have a proclivity to go off on those around them, including their loved ones.

It's 'no holds barred.' If as you say he has a drinking problem, he needs to get help for that before he can address his infraction/s. Alcoholics are infuriating because they can drive everyone around them crazy but themselves - due to their denying they have a problem.

I have never heard of cognitive testing as part of promotions through Human Resouces. It makes not sense. The only reason to have cognitive testing is if a problem was suspected. If a problem was suspected, there is no reason to promote someone regardless of how they did on the test. Something bothered the company enough to do this testing. They have to be seeing behavior that bothers them.

If this post is for real, contact your sister. Tell her exactly what happened and advise that he see a neurologist.

This is truly bizarre. Cognitive testing assesses intelligence, not sanity. A person can be simultaneously intelligent yet bat-shit crazy. If you're being straight with us, and there's no good reason to assume you wouldn't be, it would seem that your brother-in-law is simultaneously of at least normal intelligence while being a few keys shy of the usual eighty-eight in terms of his mental health.

After I think about it, he might have made that up to deflect judgment. That's how it works in my family.

I have had psychological testing to get hired (yes, she is stupid enough to work endlessly for not enough pay,) but never heard of it for a promotion.

laperla not logged in Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> After I think about it, he might have made that up
> to deflect judgment. That's how it works in my
> family.
>
> I have had psychological testing to get hired
> (yes, she is stupid enough to work endlessly for
> not enough pay,) but never heard of it for a
> promotion.


Psychological testing isn't necessarily cognitive testing, and can involve either intelligence or mental health.

Either way, the guy might be a bit of a tool. His insecurity over losing repeated video games might have motivated him to say what he did, or he could be losing it.

He sounds like an asshole.

>>The last two years he has been complaining about stress and that he has started to forgetting things.

I would talk to him about the incident, and also give your sister a heads-up. This is not normal. If a family member spoke to me in this way, I would be seriously worried about him or her. He needs to be aware that his behavior has gone over what is acceptable. You talking to him might be the first step in spurring some changes.

I agree with nevermojohn that a medical and/or neurological evaluation would be wise. If it's stress, he is going to have to find a way to cope with it before he succumbs to road rage or has a medical event. It could be that this promotion is pushing him over the edge mentally.

Based on some extensive personal experience, if this happened to me, I would be considering the possibility of Alzheimer's.

I am not saying that your BIL does have Alzheimer's...

...but that this particular "kind" of inappropriate comment, said in this way, is very reminiscent of what happened to someone in my life who was (as was later discovered) in the very early stages of Alzheimer's.

This is something to keep in mind for the future. If there are further inappropriate comments of any kind (in other words: the content does not have to be sexual, but could be, for example, about your "lack of humor" or something similar), it might be time to consider that Alzheimer's may possibly be a factor.

I hope not, but it is better to be forewarned of the possibility.

Wow, if that’s the case he needs to play more video games. Get the brain to create new neural pathways. I’d be taking Lions Mane mushroom too, but that’s me.

If this was a one time thing, I'd wonder if he was dealing with a medical problem. A sudden and serious personality change is indicative of something neurological going on.

His inner self and external role are not compatible. Hence, stress. Everyone rises to their level of incompetence...or maybe he’s admitting what he had to do along the way and projecting it on you. Just a thought.

A workplace cognitive test is NOT designed to pick up dementia.

Either he has dementia, some other mental health issue or he needs a good boot up the arse.

matt Wrote:
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> A workplace cognitive test is NOT designed to pick
> up dementia.
>
> Either he has dementia, some other mental health
> issue or he needs a good boot up the arse.


Or he's an @$$hole.

If you confront him, have a witness. No telling how he could twist things.

Maybe he has some long pent up homosexual feelings for you and the dam burst opened.

Maybe OP should bring up this possibility with BIL’s bishop. If his kids are over 18, it won’t affect their membership.

My previous comment was deleted due to pun, sarcasm, cleverness, language or irony

The following has none of that, though i wouldn't mind if it did.

I wouldn't (be so fast to) change the subject. I would stay on it just long enough to finish it (in a timely but through MANner) properly.