Posted by:
exminion
(
)
Date: January 05, 2018 09:26AM
Yes, I enjoyed your story, Cold-Dodger! Your family has so many similarities to my own TBM family, and many of my relatives' families, that it could almost be defined as "universal" among Mormons.
You were right in feeling that this was an intervention. It was not a "family council" at all. Mormons love to say that things are something they are not.
The replies here are excellent! I'm sure these posters speak from experience.
You don't need to feel so responsible for your mother's happiness. IMO, she is a control freak, and very manipulative. My TBM mother would resort to histrionics, like crying, or curling up into a ball (but never on the floor!), or slapping us, or damning us all to Hell, or giving all of us children the "silent treatment", and even going to stay at my aunt's house for a few days. All of these manipulative control tactics worked, temporarily, on the surface, until we became adults.
Your mother says she wants to "feel close" to you again. I interpret this to mean that she wants to control you again. She wants you to be her obedient little Mormon child, again. As a mother, I long for that "closeness", too, but I understand that my children are autonomous, happy adults, and have their own households, and are simply too busy and distracted to have Mommy at the center of their world. It's all part of children growing up, and parents loving them for the unique adults they have become. Mormonism keeps it victims in a child-like state, and your mother has never fully grown up, herself. Mormons have trouble with the concept of freedom.
This whole intervention was all one-sided. Chief knew what he was doing, by remaining silent. You didn't have a chance to say much, either. This, again, is very typical of Mormons and Mormon conversations. They are eager to tell their side, preach, and bear their testimonies--but they never are interested in listening to anyone else's point of view or experiences.
The gossip behind you back, the ganging up on you and Chief (Mormons always work in groups) your brother's threat to sic the missionaries on you, the accusations of you being "dark"--many of these things are abusive. You aren't required to accept abuse. Yet--YOU and Chief are the ones walking on eggshells around their craziness.
I can understand why you avoid these people. I'm sad for the way Mormonism can divide families.
The bottom line is that Mormons don't believe in unconditional love. Many cultures describe Motherly-love as unconditional. This is the type of love I feel for my children, and it keeps my motives pure, it makes me put my children first, and it is constant and unshakeable. Many of us on RFM, who were raised my Mormon parents, in a cult-dominated family, were not--are not-- loved.