Russ Nelson has had them over for open-heart surgery in his basement laboratory to confirm the non-presence of a heart. These geezers, having all failed in proving themselves human, gave Nelson another idea for a trick up his sleeve. Around his wrist, to be exact -- elastic bands!
After Nelson stitched them all up, and before the anesthetic wore off, he placed elastic bands around their gonads. He was tired of hearing of all the shivviness of new garments, and having to witness the readjusting of garments in meetings. It only took a maximum of one week for the pigs on the farm to lose their balls by lack of circulation so he reveled at the prospect of a libido-free quorum.
Finally, everyone could sit still. Also, it made it so much easier for them all to testify against the harm of viewing pornography and to pronounce heartless bigotry toward the LGBTQ communities.
.....they failed to understand the problem when the Warden at the Utah State Prison received papers in the mail pardoning Mark Hoffman...signed by Governor Brigham Young.
It's like the joke that I sometimes use when I speak to the older crowd pf Sun City Kiwanis Clubbers (Sun City's a geriatric ghetto on the west side of Phoenix):. Here's the line:
"It's an honor to speak to a group of folks who, when they were young, the Dead Sea was still alive."
...scientists are using their blood to innoculate planet earth against the next round of Spanish flu.
...a few of them were made eunuchs by Brigham Young himself.
...Sigmond Freud met them all personally and labeled them sexual deviants.
...they have incredible strength in their right arms due to the church's early investment in Playboy magazine. One-handed push-ups are not a problem for a 93-year-old man!