I've had two of my ex-mormon friends lose parents recently and attended both funerals.

I noticed something similar at both in that the active mormon siblings seemed to be far less emotional and even a bit non-chalant when speaking about the parent then my ex-mormon friends who were both grieving in a way that it was evident they had a hard time speaking and making sense.

It almost seemed like the mormon siblings at both funerals were robot-like and the ex-mos were showing real emotion.

I also noticed it seemed that people were uncomfortable when both ex-mormons gave thoughts because their grief was so evident, but laughed and lightened up when the mormons spoke.

I would chalk it up to "people grieve differently" but it was so similar in both situations that it made me wonder whether it was common at mormon funerals.

Whether they feel it or not, it is part of mormonism that we not feel any great loss at the death of a loved one, because we 'know' that we'll be seeing them again.

In early 1970 I attended the funeral of my first mission companion, in the SLC Mission Home and the LTM. We flew down together to Mexico and I have a photo of the two of us with my mom, who met us at LAX and took us up to the flying saucer restaurant, during our layover. Great guy, Melvin Truman Bowler, Jr.

His mother spoke at his funeral. Her son had died on his 24th birthday, in a car driven by his girlfriend. The whole thing was so tragic. But there she was, up on the stand, showing us how brave and faithful she was. She joked that the first thing he did in Paradise was to start a Dixie Club.

Oh yeah, the force is strong in the mormons! Death is but a temporary impediment to being in touch with all our loved ones, and you have to act the part.

elderolddog Wrote:
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> Oh yeah, the force is strong in the mormons!
> Death is but a temporary impediment to being in
> touch with all our loved ones, and you have to act
> the part.

That's the big thing there -- acting the part.
Mormons don't know they'll see their loved one again any more than anybody else does. And they do feel the loss, just like anybody else does.

But if they *show* that they feel the loss, and that they aren't sure if they'll see them again, they appear weak and faithless to all the other mormons. So it's all for show. And it doesn't do anything to help the person get through the grieving process.

The odd thing is that other Christians also believe that they will see their loved ones again in Heaven, but they have no trouble expressing grief at their passing.

summer Wrote:
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> The odd thing is that other Christians also
> believe that they will see their loved ones again
> in Heaven, but they have no trouble expressing
> grief at their passing.

Some of the Evangelicals are pretty jocular at funerals as well. They don't devote quite as much time to their own version of the Plan of Salvation in the funeral service itself as the Mormons do, but they're often too jolly. I don't expect sackcloth and ashes, and a few pleasant memories are appropriate, but they're not mournful enough for my comfort level. I just attended funeral for a 36-year-old YMCA swimming teacher with three young children who had taught [conservatively] maybe 10% of the children in our community from the ages of 18 to 2 how to swim. She was a delightful person. I saw her ten times a summer for the past two summers when she gave swimming lessons to my toddlers, never before having met her, and I'll miss her, never mind the three youngsters who will grow up without a mom. Others there knew her far better than I did. Yet few of them grieved. I went there for maybe a few happy memories, but more for a shared time of communal thinking of, "Here is this wonderful woman who was a bright light to everyone with whom she came into contact, and she's no longer in our presence." I wished for a bit of shared sadness. All we got were jokes and how wonderful it will be when we're all together again. And this was some sort of an evangelical Methodist independent church.

I think it’s because we were programmed to act and speak a certain way in the environment of the church building. Sacrament, Sunday school, priesthood, relief society, mutual, seminary, etc. a funeral becomes just another meeting where we play our character and say our lines. At a close family member’s funeral, we’re in a more featured role. That’s what happened to me at my dad’s funeral. I wasn’t aware what a mess I was until months or years later. I saw the same pattern at a cousin’s funeral recently, when her son played the dutiful greeter at the meeting.

That’s likely what you saw in your LDS funeral observations.

Mormonism is like a bad dystopian future, except that it's here now. When everyone lies, the corporation is more important than blood relatives, and those who are different must keep their difference a secret or be shunned and have their own kids disavow them as a requirement to gain their own acceptance in the society, you know that the society is in a terrible place. It's no wonder they can't feel anything. Good thing that Mormonism only infects a small part of the world's overall population.

Ever try Mormon church? It tastes awful!

M@t



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/27/2018 12:11AM by moremany.

The BS.

Funerals ARE SUPPOSED TO BE about the individual. LDSinc takes it to mean another opportunity to MAKE IT ABOUT Mormonism.

M@t

moremany Wrote:
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> The BS.
>
> Funerals ARE SUPPOSED TO BE about the individual.
> LDSinc takes it to mean another opportunity to
> MAKE IT ABOUT Mormonism.
>
> M@t

Yes yes yes! Recent experience tells me so. It was the. Old time gospel shit fest at my son's best friends service.

My father's funeral was just a Plan of Salvation rally and any mention of him was only in conjunction with his church service. Servitude?

By the front my mother put up, you would think Dad had just gone to the store for milk rather than passed away. She didn't allow herself any emotions at all and then exploded with them about six weeks later.

I do think what Infrequent Poster said is very true. There is a switch in the brain that Mormons flip to ON as they enter the church building. The Mormon mannerisms come out--the speech, the posturing, the facades. I doubt any of them are aware at how their whole demeanor changes at the door. Reminds me of a service animal that knows when it is on duty. Automatic mental switch.

A lovely elderly gentleman died in the ward I was attending before I resigned,none of his family were members,they sat at the front of the chapel and looked distraught and as if they did not belong,poor souls,at the end of the plan of salvation talk the Bishop walked over and gave each one of them a BOM,you could feel the tension.
At another my dear friend who had lost her only son weeks previously attended a funeral in the chapel for a member,as folk were leaving the chapel my dear friend had a total breakdown,I just hugged her,she had joined the Church late in life and had found her son dead in the home,she explained that she thought she had to be strong at his funeral,which was conducted by her Son-in Law who was a SP at the time and also by a chap from the pagan faith,poor lady had not grieved properly due to the culture,she could'nt face the cemetery so we just sat and talked in the building as I had keys,one of the many things that made me question and added to my bulging shelf.

My non-Mormon brother went to my Mormon mother-in-law funeral. He told my Mormon father -in-law he was sorry for his wife passing.

My father-in-law replied, "Well, it's going to happen to all of us".

But it's funny that Tom Monson's funeral was ALL about him.

The irony!

The luck.

I don't think mormons feel anything to be honest. Just another dead body to do baptisms for.

Badassadam1 Wrote:
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> I don't think mormons feel anything to be honest.
> Just another dead body to do baptisms for.


That's what you get for thinking.

Did anyone ever die on you as a Mormon? People have feelings. The difference is in the expression.