There are some popular, or semi-popular, (or some I just made up) pithy little sayings that provoke a grin or a chuckle, along with the acknowledgement of a certain reality.

Like this:

“When a doctor makes a mistake, it gets buried.”
“When a mason makes a mistake, he orders extra stucco.”
“When an insurance adjuster makes a mistake, everyone’s rates go up.”
“When a butcher makes a mistake, it’s always in his favor.” “When the USA makes a mistake, a Republican is President.”


So how about finishing some of these... The idea is to present an essential truth that provokes a grin or a chuckle, along with the acknowledgement that there is an element of truth contained therein.

The best responses win a prize! Yes, that rarest of rare books, so extremely sought after, “The Funny Things Apostles Do that don't Involve the Ears”, which has been sold out since before it was written.


When a deacon makes a mistake,

When a teacher makes a mistake,

When a priest makes a mistake,

When a Beehive makes a mistake,

When a MiaMaid makes a mistake,

When a Laurel makes a mistake,

When a missionary makes a mistake,

When a sister missionary makes a mistake,

When a senior missionary makes a mistake,

When a mission president makes a mistake,

When a BYU dorm student makes a mistake,

When a EQP makes a mistake,

When a high priest makes a mistake,

When a ward clerk makes a mistake,

When a bishop makes a mistake,

When a patriarch makes a mistake,

When an apostle makes a mistake,

When the prophet makes a mistake,

When the church makes a mistake,


You don’t have to come up with a finish for every one of them, just let the spirit guide you.

And of course feel free to add one of your own! I never mentioned the temple! Or the Boner!!!

When a Laurel makes a mistake, a child will be available for adoption.

When a Bishop (and those above him) make a mistake, it can only be because the lard is testing us.

MeM Wrote:
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> When a Laurel makes a mistake, a child will be
> available for adoption.

Wen a Laurel makes a mistake, she gets an opportunity to study abroad (pun) for a half year, but doesn't have any photos or experiences to share.

Apologize to nine year old Judic for me... I couldn't find

anything funny to say about the miserable mormon church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/03/2018 07:54PM by saucie.

elderolddog Wrote:

> When a deacon makes a mistake,

He worries that he hurt his body, but after he talks with an older friend realizes he’s just becoming a man. He forgets to wash his hands.

> When a teacher makes a mistake,

He thinks no one knows, and that he’s the only one making mistakes. He washes his hands several times a day and worries they aren’t clean, he’s got a meeting with the bishop tonight and is concerned his hands will give him away.

> When a priest makes a mistake,

He says, “Ah fuck! That was a good one! I think I can make it through my date tonight.” He washes his hands before he sees the bishop and doesn’t admit any mistakes. His hands still wander around his date’s. And he runs into the bushes after he drops her off at home. He flips the bird at the bishop’s house as he heads home.

.....

> When a missionary makes a mistake,

He tells his companion that he had stomach pains and needed to stay in the bathroom until they passed. He feels a little better now. He says he’s prone to aches and gas and not to think anything if he needs to spend some time in the bathroom. His companions says, “You know, I’ve got those same issue. You use the bathroom first, just don’t walk out too soon.”

> When a senior missionary makes a mistake,

He tells his wife someone must have hacked his computer, he doesn’t look at porn at all. It must have been one of the grandsons.

> When a mission president makes a mistake,

What, mission presidents don’t ever make mistakes ... hummmmm....

> When a BYU dorm student makes a mistake,

He endures a warm sticky feeling until he can get into a stall at Helaman Halls to make a quick underwear change. He washes his hands quickly and leaves.

> When a EQP makes a mistake,

He stops by his favorite watering hole and tells the barkeep he’s not Mormon as he drinks a beer. He wonders why he married so young, why sex has become a thing of the past, and he envies the tat the bartender has. He stops by the restroom and secretly enjoys the thrill of naughtiness. He makes an obscene drawing on the stall prior to washing his hands. He comes home late and tells his wife they had an extra long staff meeting at work.

> When a high priest makes a mistake,

He says, “I’m an old man, I’ve paid my dues. And Joseph Smith wasnt as pure and virtuous as I once thought. Note to self, check with the doctor—viagra prescription has no refills.”

> When a ward clerk makes a mistake,

A woman gets the priesthood. “Damn those genderless names! How the fuck was I to know that Pat was a she!”

> When a bishop makes a mistake,

He blames it on a counselor. He asks young men and women about their mistakes. He brings his work, mistakes and all, home with him to ponder them during his long shower. His wife is at Relief Society and he uses up all the hot water.

> When a patriarch makes a mistake,

He tell the person they’re from the lineage of Xenu. His secretary quickly corrects the written text to Ephraim.

.....

> When the church makes a mistake,

It never admits or apologizes that it fucked up!

> When The Boner makes a mistake he responds to clickbates from his buddies. He wonders why he has such wonderful friends who he once would have shunned. The Boner repents of his holier-than-thou attitude and now says fuck a lot!

PLEASE RESPOND: WHEN DAWGS MAKE MISTAKES ...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/03/2018 05:08PM by BYU Boner.

BYU Boner Wrote:
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>
> > When The Boner makes a mistake he responds to
> clickbates from his buddies. He wonders why he has
> such wonderful friends who he once would have
> shunned. The Boner repents of his holier-than-thou
> attitude and now says OH FOOEY a lot!
>

When the Boner is listening to La Scala, and makes a mistake, he hears the radio announcer say, "And that was the Mormon Tabernacle Choir..."

:=o

Noooooooo! That could NEVER happen. When the Boner makes a mistake, he listens to the Mormon Tabernacle choir and says, “Those folk on Hee-Haw are sure improving their vowels.”

That was inspired, Boner.

A nine-year old observation of my own:

Still waters run deep. Unless it's a mud puddle.

"You're never wrong to do the right thing."

Robert De Niro from, "The Intern."

As adapted by an ex-Mormon, former calling holder.

In mo'ism, you do the wrong thing when you do the right thing, if the right thing is the opposite of what the prophet told you to do, because ipso facto, the wrong thing then becomes the right thing...

Contrary to the Nuremberg trial findings, with ghawd, following orders is kosher.

elderolddog Wrote:
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>
> Contrary to the Nuremberg trial findings, with
> ghawd, following orders is kosher.

Resistance fighters defended the defenseless. It isn't kosher to follow orders that seek to do evil.

Righteous Among the Nations were honored for defying Hitler's regime and for saving lives. Doing what's right is never wrong. That is godly.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/03/2018 07:34PM by Amyjo.

Have you mentioned this to the Mormons? ...because they are the ones that need to hear your message; it would do them a spirit world of good!

When a temple worker makes a mistake, it doesn’t matter one bit because it’s the 26th time that person, ‘who is dead’, has has her work done.

elderolddog Wrote:
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> When a temple worker makes a mistake, it doesn’t
> matter one bit

(because temple work really does not matter at all)

> because it’s the 26th time that
> person, ‘who is dead’, has has her work done

....... at that temple that week.

When a sister missionary makes a mistake, she names it after the prophet.

:)

Most of the time if there's a problem in moism...there's usually a dink involved....dinks are the one true order of heaven since 1830

When a Lamanite makes a bunch of mistakes, people think he's been out working in the sun.

I think it’s awesone that you have a tri-daily “workout” routine, Dawg! And, I’m jealous of your bronze tan. Right about now, I’m fish-belly white. Got to get me some sun, perhaps a workout, too! Bro-hugs my Lamanite Brother!

... brothers of different colored mothers...

Works for me, homie.

That’s right, Bro. Remember, we share the same DNA via SPQR. Besides, you’re a babe magnet. Ole Dieter has nothing on you. If we shave off that facial hair, trim your nose/ear hair, and put you in some Armani, we’d have the sisters swooning over you.

Hell, you’d be better than a puppy for an older gent, like me, trying to score with the Sisters— “Yes, I’m his friend. I know his secrets; no, 9” not 7”; yes on Sunday’s, multiples are the norm, doesn’t kiss and tell; well, that depends on his mood; I’ll ask him.”

You’re not charging me for any of that, so you remain the quintessential “Pro Boner”, but you’re laying it on mucho too thick!

Methinks La Saucie would side with my side of the argument :)

BYU Boner Wrote:
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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2018 09:45PM by saucie.

BYU Boner Wrote:
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> Methinks La Saucie would side with my side of the
> argument :)


I don't know what the arguement is
Boner but I love you my Bro... see you soon.

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> you
> remain the quintessential “Pro Boner”, but
> you’re laying it on much too thick!

Of course we're pro-Boner. Who could possibly be anti-Boner? Or is the Dawg alluding to merely amateur boners? (The British have a term for the non-professional who performs at professional levels: "a sophisticated amateur." I kind of like that!)

When a priest makes a mistake...

You shouldn't eat the sacrament bread.

When the sunday school president makes a mistake......nevermind no one gives a flying fart in space about the sunday school president. Most don't even know who he is.

corallus Wrote:
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> When the sunday school president makes a
> mistake......nevermind no one gives a flying fart
> in space about the sunday school president. Most
> don't even know who he is.


I wonder if even his counselors forget!?

I’ll take the prisoners downstairs, Tom said condecendingly

Uh, Judic West is 12. . .

Wassup wit dat?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/15/2018 12:42AM by Lot's Wife.

You're correct!!

He can now be a Deacon of hope to a world begging for light ... beer.

Here are a few -

When a deacon makes a mistake, he must have been masturbating

When a teacher makes a mistake, he must have been watching porn

When a priest makes a mistake, he must have been watching porn and masturbating.

When a Laurel makes a mistake, her mistake was confessing to the bishop, the whole ward knows within an hour.

When a missionary makes a mistake,the investigator gets baptised.

When a sister missionary makes a mistake, she goes into the mission field.

When a mission president makes a mistake, he removes the bed from the basement.

When a BYU dorm student makes a mistake, he throws the wine bottle and empty condom packet in some-one else's garbage bin.

When a ward clerk makes a mistake, it's OK unless it involves $$

When a bishop makes a mistake, it was no mistake, it was the gift of discernment

When a patriarch makes a mistake, that is par for the course.

When the church makes a mistake, it was all those others making mistakes, masturbating and watching porn.

When a mormon makes a mistake, it's Joseph Smith's fault, and the other Mormons notice not.

When a teacher makes a mistake, he never learns.

When a Beehive makes a mistake, it gets stung.

When Laurel makes a mistake, it blames Seminary.

When a missionary makes a mistake, (s)he consults 'church' propaganda.

When a senior missionary makes a mistake, they just forget it.

When a bishop makes a mistake, he doesn't forget it.

When the church makes a mistake, it is considered "normal".

M@t

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> When a deacon makes a mistake,
>
> When a teacher makes a mistake,
>
> When a priest makes a mistake,
>
> When a Beehive makes a mistake,
>
> When a MiaMaid makes a mistake,
>
> When a Laurel makes a mistake,
>
> When a missionary makes a mistake,
>
> When a sister missionary makes a mistake,
>
> When a senior missionary makes a mistake,
>
> When a mission president makes a mistake,
>
> When a BYU dorm student makes a mistake,
>
> When a EQP makes a mistake,
>
> When a high priest makes a mistake,
>
> When a ward clerk makes a mistake,
>
> When a bishop makes a mistake,
>
> When a patriarch makes a mistake,
>
> When an apostle makes a mistake,
>
> When the prophet makes a mistake,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wALvdgurB4

> When the church makes a mistake,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YEMX0VooD4

When a deacon makes a mistake, it's his mother's fault.

When a teacher makes a mistake, it's his father's fault.

When a priest makes a mistake, it's his own fault.

When a Beehive makes a mistake, it's her own fault.

When a MiaMaid makes a mistake, it's her teachers' fault.

When a Laurel makes a mistake, it's society's fault.

When a missionary makes a mistake, he gets transferred.

When a sister missionary makes a mistake, she's prescribed prozac.

When a senior missionary makes a mistake, nobody cares.

When a mission president makes a mistake, it's the APs' fault.

When a BYU dorm student makes a mistake, everyone knows about it.

When a EQP makes a mistake, it's the adversary's fault.

When a high priest makes a mistake, nobody cares.

When a ward clerk makes a mistake, he buys a new boat.

When a bishop makes a mistake, he commits church career suicide.

When a patriarch makes a mistake, he corrects it in the "official transcript."

When an apostle makes a mistake, it's just new revelation.

When the prophet makes a mistake, he's acting as a man.

When the church makes a mistake, wait. The church can't make mistakes. The church is perfect. It's the people who are imperfect. Right guys? Guys?

when the presiding bishop makes a mistake https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pace_memorandum

and then your mentally ill MORmON family member gets triggers and follows up by echoing the original BS bungle ...... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vjc9Gk379wE