Posted by:
Major Bidamon
(
)
Date: October 25, 2010 09:50PM
Just came out of the "apostate closet" to my little brother (who has never been active). This is what I wrote him:
"as you probably remember, for the past year or so, I've been having some "testimony" issues regarding "the Church" (mostly dealing with Joseph Smith boinking teenagers and worse). Stuff I really had no clue about.
it's been getting worse the last month or so. I've told [my wife] and, suprisingly, she has been cool about it, even admitting she has her doubts.
she pretty much knows I no longer think this is "the one true church" and knows that I'm even thinking about atheism and/or agnosticism. Hell, I might become a buddhist. OR, just continue going to church on my own terms.
Anyway, here's the secret -- ....at the company picnic, I drank a little wine. just one. At work, I took a little coffee, just one. tonight, I ate at the local college bar -- 25 cent chicken wings and a pint of Bud. For a smaller framed guy like me, that's all I need. I have a happy buzz and I'm ready to go to bed. Pretty much, I have zero guilt. I think the church is a bunch of BS and I'm a little pissed that I spent two frickin' years of my life as a missionary.
BUT, on the flip side, I'm happy I found [my wife] and my kids resulted from this marriage. I guess like you, no matter how this turns out, I'll always be Mormon.
Anyway, I thought I would share it with you -- I actually think I'm becoming a more moral person. I realize more and more that I've been a self righteous prick (to you especially, but mostly years ago, I think) because of my faith and I've beat myself up for not being good enough and I've been good only because I feared divine retribution. Now, I'm being good because it is the rational, right thing to do.
I'll take you out for a beer when I get back. All on the house. I love you man."