Mother Who Knows
Date: March 01, 2018 09:24AM
This is the hardest part of Mormonism to overcome--the "family-Mormonism" that seems to be hardwired into my poisoned BIC mind.
I still hear "No one will ever love you," but it isn't my Mother's voice anymore, because she is gone. It's my own voice. Really--it's more of the feeling of not being good enough--and not actual "voices" I hear. I'm not that crazy--yet.
I will drop something in the kitchen, and hear, "You skinny little slop!"
My mother's cures lives on: I am a failure. It's sad, because in the real world--my career world and my own happy home (I'm a nicer mother) I have it all--but that old brainwashing keeps me from completely enjoying my hard-earned success. No matter how hard I try--I'm a failure.
I think being a "cultural Mormon" is the most mixed-up of all. It's a lose-lose proposition. Those lost souls get the worst of both worlds. Most of them seem blind to the fact that they are NOT accepted by the mainstream Mormons. They don't have the delusion of belonging to a support system, or having fake friends. Still--they have all the worst parts of Mormonism, like tithing, cleaning the building, callings, etc. They are locked into a sick relationship with a cult they don't believe in. How can they stand by and watch while the cult destroys the happiness of their children? How do they live with lies all around them? I know from my relatives' cultural-Mormon experiences, that the children of cultural Mormons end up being quite deeply disturbed, having parents who are living a lie, and who are KNoWINGLY teaching them lies.
Ha-ha! My uncle used to call Mormonism "The Church of The Planet of The Apes", and it had a "Monkeyhood." Uncle was a cultural Mormon RM, who smoked cigars and maligned women. No Mormon woman would marry him, so he remained a bachelor. Where does a cultural Mormon fit in? If they are in hiding, how can anyone get to know the real individual? Kind of like being in limbo.
Date: March 01, 2018 09:46AM
Mother Who Knows Wrote:
> Where does a cultural Mormon fit in? If they are in
> hiding, how can anyone get to know the real
> individual? Kind of like being in limbo.
Yes! And, it is torturous for the individual as well. So difficult.
Next to impossible to have genuine bonding and connection in relationships with someone who is so splintered inside. Not their 'fault' but still has consequences.
Being steeped in lies is bad for the soul. And it shows. The facade is evident to those on the outside, who often ask, 'Who ARE you??'
And the answer often is, 'I do not know.' But, that is where life can truly begin, imo! It may be the first honest statement the cultural Mormon has said in a long time, or ever!
If they can stay with that soul crisis, they have a chance. If they run away (from themselves) and pretend some more...they go another round in the life game.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/01/2018 10:09AM by carameldreams.
Date: March 01, 2018 11:23AM
> Being steeped in lies is bad for the soul. And it
> shows. The facade is evident to those on the
> outside, who often ask, 'Who ARE you??'
"I am like you - maintaining membership because of the many fine things the Church offers. But facts speak for themselves. I offered the data available to my Stake Pres. recently and he walked away without it - saying he didn't want to read it. They can hardly execommunicate [sic] us when they won't look at the evidence.
Of course the dodge as to the Book of Abraham must be: "WE DON'T HAVE THE ORIGINAL MANUSCRIPT FROM WHICH THE BOOK OF ABRAHAM WAS TRANSLATED. I conclude that we do have it and have translations of it." (Letter by Thomas Stuart Ferguson, dated March 13, 1971)
Yes, being steeped in lies is, indeed, bad for the soul.
Date: March 01, 2018 01:06PM
Believing Mormon, Social Mormon, Cultural Mormon. In my humble opinion, the comments to date have dealt with the first two, not so much with the topic, Cultural Mormon.
I left the church shortly after my mission and am now collecting Social Security. It's been a while, but until recently was still plagued by a seemingly involuntary reflexive urge to pray, ie when faced with a problem to utter a mental "Dear God . . .". This is a remnant of Believing Mormon, not Cultural Mormon. I seem to have solved this ridiculous remnant by mentally saying "Oh God, hear the words of my mouth." and the absurdity of it all removes the urge to seek God's help.
Again, in my opinion, by coming to the Rocky Mountain area, Mormons set one of the cultures for this area I was raised in. As one example, I believe that by improving and keeping up my property, I am expressing my Mormon culture. Some other cultures have piles of trash on their property. If I were cleaning up to please God, it would be a Believing Mormon act. If I were doing this to please my neighbors, it would be a be a Social Mormon act. As I do it to please myself, it is a cultural act.
Date: March 01, 2018 01:29PM
I left to protect my children, too. Everything was so much clearer when I saw how the church was, or would, influence them. One of my kids in particular had characteristics that rendered him/her vulnerable.
Then after I'd left, I looked back and thought "why didn't I protect myself?" Because if it was wrong for my beloved children, it was wrong for everyone. Why had I felt it necessary to try to "fit in" when I hated the culture and, like you, always felt more comfortable with "sinners?"
The church's culture and values are NOT good or healthy. I have great difficulty with people who say it's a better place to rear children.
Date: March 01, 2018 02:03PM
Maybe the culture isn't Mormon.
In my youth we helped the widows, the poor and strangers.
We could walk the streets as children unafraid and know help was a yell away from any house on the street.
Doors were rarely locked.
People put produce on a stand with a box and price list. People took the produce, paid their money and the money would all be there at the end of the day.
Not all was rosy of course, but over time almost all these things changed.
Was it Mormon culture or rural culture? Both?
The church itself removed a lot of what cemented people together.
Ward dinners, ward movie night, real dances, real holiday parties, talent nights and road shows, relief society bazaars etc.
Head of family used to be asked before callings were extended to family members and they could demand family members be released.
Self sufficiency was a must.
So what is Mormon Culture today? I have no idea myself as I have left. But I know it is different from the past.
Date: March 01, 2018 05:56PM
It was more how the church treated me, as a priesthood holder, rather than my 'male' concerns.
All I wanted to do was have fun, and the church, within some loose parameters, caterred to this desire of mine. And I sincerely believe that the old 50's and 60's church gave the young men a lot of leeway in terms of sowing their wild oats.
When I confessed to my bishop that I'd committed a sin next to murder, all he seemed to care about was the 1. Was I repentant, and 2. was she mormon. When I answered "Yes" and "No", everything was all right. I didn't even get disfellowshipped!
I don't think the same treatment would have been laddled out to a Laurel...
And I was off on my mission 7 months later...
I don't think the scenario would be the same today.
Bad things can happen under almost any circumstance. I acknowledge that I was lucky, in that aspect of my life.
Date: March 01, 2018 11:27PM
Perhaps experiences differ, but Mormon culture seems a lot better than many I've seen.
There are some pretty rough neighborhoods in our local city. Alcohol, drugs and violence.
I'm in the country, and a few months ago a neighor was walking down the road. I waved to him and we started chatting and I realized he was out of his mind talking nonsense.
A few days later he called and said he got back with some family and did some drugs that he swore he would never touch again. He apologized and said he hopes never to associate with them again.
I know we're supposed to want tattoos and nose rings and booze or whatever, I'm glad I never dealt with that, and I have no plans to.
A guy at work did some crime and one day said, "But then we've all been in jail, I guess". I said, actually I've never been in jail, and I have no relatives that have been in jail. Believe it or not, that is possible. You don't have to steal or drive drunk or whatever.