From day one on this earth i was in a cult. The odds are definitely not in your favor when life starts like that. There is a no man's land between the cult world and the real world. I kind of still feel like i am in no man's land. When do you know when you've made it to the other side? Who knows? The bard made a new video and that gives me more hope i guess. Flame away and let it all burn and start over....again. Start over as many times as it takes.

Try to adjust your view from "finding your real self" to "creating and being the real self you want to be"

That may help.

angela Wrote:
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> Try to adjust your view from "finding your real
> self" to "creating and being the real self you
> want to be"
>
> That may help.

You may be right i am way too obsessed with finding my real self. Maybe there is no real self.

Watch the Joe Rogan David Goggins podcast.

Babyloncansuckit Wrote:
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> Watch the Joe Rogan David Goggins podcast.

Alright i'll watch it i like the joe rogan podcast.

Babyloncansuckit Wrote:
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> Watch the Joe Rogan David Goggins podcast.

That dude is tough. His past kind of reminds me of my own. Being two people at once and being scared of water and liking the rocky type of stuff. I am still a scared motherf#cker on the inside but i try not to show that in public. Eventually i have to say f#ck it to my past and quit blaming it for my present situation and quit avoiding sh#t to be comfortable.

You find yourself best by just being yourself.

What you lack is a center of gravity. Your core identity awaits its discovery.

When you find that you may begin to notice that you're more grounded. Right now you're like a boat without its mooring or a paddle.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/18/2018 09:44PM by Amyjo.

I split from the cult after 35 years in it and I totally get what you are going through. I felt every single stage in that "Stages of Loss" process. Denial, anger, sadness. I feel that it wasn't just grieving the loss of my TBM family and friends, I think I was also processing the loss of my old mormon self.

It was not easy to reach the other side of that. Time does help. It has been 15 years since I've been out and I still wonder sometimes if I'm truly "out" and normal. I still have ineffective behaviors that I'm dealing with like being gullible, passive, or easy-to-push-around.

If I could talk to myself 15 years ago about what I know now it would be to find some ex-mormon friends or support group to talk to. That was super helpful for me. Good luck!

praydude Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I split from the cult after 35 years in it and I
> totally get what you are going through. I felt
> every single stage in that "Stages of Loss"
> process. Denial, anger, sadness. I feel that it
> wasn't just grieving the loss of my TBM family and
> friends, I think I was also processing the loss
> of my old mormon self.
>
> It was not easy to reach the other side of that.
> Time does help. It has been 15 years since I've
> been out and I still wonder sometimes if I'm truly
> "out" and normal. I still have ineffective
> behaviors that I'm dealing with like being
> gullible, passive, or easy-to-push-around.
>
> If I could talk to myself 15 years ago about what
> I know now it would be to find some ex-mormon
> friends or support group to talk to. That was
> super helpful for me. Good luck!

You understand. There is a feeling of a loss of self and a loss of family for sure. Can't quite feel normal yet or human or not sure what the word is.

I can’t imagine being BIC and climbing your way out that type of indoctrination and mind control.

You’ve done what’s impossible for a lot of people!

kathleen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I can’t imagine being BIC and climbing your way
> out that type of indoctrination and mind control.
>
>
> You’ve done what’s impossible for a lot of
> people!

It's either climb or die. It isn't impossible but it's d@mn well close to it.

Being in the church is akin to being in an abusive marriage. I remember after the divorce my friend came over and said we would do whatever I wanted and made suggestions. It was then I realized I did not know what I liked anymore. I had given all myself to the marriage so I would be a good wife. Same as the church, you give everything to it to be a good Mormon that you do not know who you are. I had to find myself twice. It is a process. I am still finding out what I can do and more things I like. The interesting thing is I created a new me along the way and I like this new me. It has been difficult but therapy helped, especially cognitive therapy for PTSD(other issues too). I have been out for awhile and on this board since the early 2000s. You will find your path.

allegro Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Being in the church is akin to being in an abusive
> marriage. I remember after the divorce my friend
> came over and said we would do whatever I wanted
> and made suggestions. It was then I realized I did
> not know what I liked anymore. I had given all
> myself to the marriage so I would be a good wife.
> Same as the church, you give everything to it to
> be a good Mormon that you do not know who you are.
> I had to find myself twice. It is a process. I am
> still finding out what I can do and more things I
> like. The interesting thing is I created a new me
> along the way and I like this new me. It has been
> difficult but therapy helped, especially cognitive
> therapy for PTSD(other issues too). I have been
> out for awhile and on this board since the early
> 2000s. You will find your path.

Someone asked me what i liked to do and i had to say, i have no idea. I thought to myself this is pretty d@mn sad.