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Posted by: Tal Bachman ( )
Date: March 20, 2018 04:22PM

You're welcome.

https://ldsmag.com/article-1-5419#.WrCPlVa6ID4.facebook


No - Amazingly, it is not a parody.

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Posted by: jacob ( )
Date: March 20, 2018 04:28PM

Holy Jesus, this is fucking gold.

With our new reflecting telescopes, now you really can see Uranus with just two hands and a mirror!

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Posted by: slskipper ( )
Date: March 20, 2018 04:48PM

Welcome back, Tal. It's been a while.

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Posted by: Ohdeargoodness nli ( )
Date: March 20, 2018 08:08PM

Amen! “You” came up on a playlist of mine and I was wondering how you were doing. You’ve been missed!

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Posted by: logged out today ( )
Date: March 20, 2018 04:50PM

"Uranus Testifies of Christ…"

[whispered to Stormy Daniels]


All of Pratt's footnotes link to his own earlier articles in LDS Living. What scholarship!

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Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 04:09AM

It's true: my anus testifies of Christ every day - usually after eating beans or lentils ;-)

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: March 20, 2018 07:50PM

Wow, Tal, great find. Mormon astrology.

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: March 20, 2018 08:08PM

Sorry, my anus does NOT testify of Christ.

Long time no read, Tal.

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Posted by: mrtranquility ( )
Date: March 22, 2018 06:05PM

CrispingPin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sorry, my anus does NOT testify of Christ.

Sorry to hear that, because mine does. At least 5-10 times a day depending on what I've had to eat.

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: March 23, 2018 01:46PM

I hadn’t thought about that. Maybe my ass is speaking a language that only Joseph Smith could translate.

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Posted by: ookami ( )
Date: March 20, 2018 08:28PM

"Uranus testifies of Christ"- a lesson in Mormon ass-trology.






I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: March 20, 2018 08:59PM

Welcome back, Tal. I hope Dr. Love has been well. Da Bone.

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Posted by: StillAnon ( )
Date: March 20, 2018 11:07PM

Well, after 6 manned lunar landings, and no Quaker sightings, I think we can discount any further mormon insights in all things space related.

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Posted by: Josephina ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 06:49PM

Some Mormons believe that the Quakers are on the dark side of the moon. That's why, they say, we haven't found them yet. There will always be a way to justify what the Mormon "prophets" have said. Especially Joseph Smith. There are conspiracy theories about NASA hiding information from us. They already know, according to some, that there are aliens on the dark side. They don't tell us, because they don't want us to panic. Many Mormons love this stuff.

If they find aliens dressed like Quakers, should we be heading back to church?

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Posted by: Josephina ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 01:22AM

Paul Gregerson is a TBM who proves through a type of numerology that the Book of Abraham is true.

https://youtu.be/ujWtCvFc23Y

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Posted by: Babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 03:33AM

Vapid hogwash. I wonder how many brain cells I just killed.

Also, the Chinese calendar uses a 60 year cycle, not 84. At least the article is consistently wrong.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 08:57AM

Similar to many biblical "analyses" of the same type...but infused with additional mormon crazy.

Thanks for sharing it, Tal.

And nice to see you post. Hope you're well and happy! :)

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Posted by: Aloysius ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 09:24AM

My TBM sister in Utah is very big into this stuff. *Shrug*

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Posted by: jackman ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 10:18AM

So a planet that was not discovered until 1781, (after the invention of the telescope), and can only be viewed by the naked eye in ultra dark, clear skies when you know ahead of time, exactly where to look, was used by many cultures for millennia as a timepiece to measure back 7000 years to the beginning of the Earth?

My brain just pulled a muscle trying to do the required mental gymnastics to make this all fit.

And to think that during my ultra-conservative, young Earth Mormon upbringing, I was raised to believe that astrology is of the devil. But here Astrology is taught in LDSmag.

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Posted by: scientific pantheist ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 01:30PM

Astrology, and other occult practices are at the very heart of the founding of Mormonism. Michael Quinn's book, Early Mormonism and the Magic World View is a good read.

http://lds-mormon.com/ematmwv.shtml

Also, the link below is an explanation of the occult/masonic symbolism found on the Mormon temples.

http://www.mormonoutreach.org/occult-symbols-explained.php

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 02:43PM

This guy's whole premise relies on Uranus' solar orbit being 84 years.
Except it's *not* 84 years.
It's 84.0205 years (sidereal) or 83.749 years (tropical).

Which means every year in question, this guy's "magical" calculations are off by either 7.5 days or 91.6 days (depending on which orbital figure you use).

Which makes every one of his "magical" calculations...bullshit.
Because he can't do simple math.

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Posted by: Honest TBM ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 01:32PM


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Posted by: BrightAqua ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 04:00PM

My stepdaughter who is a faux TBM, is into numerology and astrolology, among other strange things. She would love this; it would validate all her odd beliefs.

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Posted by: A nonny nonny ( )
Date: March 21, 2018 10:24PM

I couldn't stomach the whole thing, but that hebrew isn't quite right. You'd think they could at least get that right.

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Posted by: quatermass2 ( )
Date: March 23, 2018 10:23AM

"Mormon Astrophysics"

is an oxymoron.

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Posted by: Amateur Astronomer ( )
Date: March 23, 2018 11:11AM


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Posted by: Mother Who Knowsgettb ( )
Date: March 23, 2018 02:42PM

Good to have you back, Tal. You are one of the great thinkers on RFM.

I'm glad you clarified that the article was not a parody, because I would have thought it was.

What a humorous example of the mental gymnastics Some Mormons go through, to try to prove the church is twoo.

Yes, I remember being taught in Mormon Sunday school that astrology and cosmology were "instruments of the Devil."

This article is a good example of how the cult is desperately grasping at straws, as the evidence mounts against it.

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Posted by: Eric K ( )
Date: March 23, 2018 02:49PM

An excerpt. It was clearly mind numbing...

"Let us add just one example which ties to the restoration of the gospel. It has already been shown that the date of the “resurrection” of the Book of Mormon (Thu 25 Mar 1830) was the one day in 500 years that was the most similar to the day of the resurrection of Christ.[14] Now there is one more witness of the importance of that date. It was also the day 1 Birth on the Chronos calendar. That not only ties the date to Christ, but also to Adam, whose b-day was also 1 Eagle (Sacred Round) and 1 Birth (Chronos). Thus we see that Adam and Christ are linked indirectly by the Book of Mormon."

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