The most absurd responses EVER in Mormonism. Whats yours?

Imagine a missionary, as I once was, telling the story of JS being told where to find and **translate** the golden plates to someone that might find the story believable.

The person excitingly declares "Wow! That's very interesting. Your church must be proud of this book. Tell me. Where can I see for myself of such plates? Or is there a special place that only your members are allowed to see them?"

Here's the absurdity from the missionary.

"Oh no. The golden plates are no longer on Earth. They were returned to heaven."

<Crickets>

I think I've heard enough. Would y'all leave now?

Ooh...that's one of my big bugaboos...!

TBM's will say "the plates were returned to heaven" without considering that they didn't *come* from heaven in the first place; they were (supposedly) made by men as a record of things that happened on Earth, so how could they be "returned" to heaven!?

It's the ultimate spin on the dog-ate-my-homework story.

that everyone dies, you wouldn't waste much time recreating, earning money, etc.

You'd courageously spend your time spreading the word.

Mormons don't "know" anything.

It's a technique it uses to bind people to the church and thus pay tithing.

"It's a technique it uses to bind people to the church and thus pay tithing."

Exactly.

And for outsiders (non-mos like me), this newspeak is an enormous sign that it's a cult.

My answer to pronouncements of any hypothesis is this:
If your hypothesis is true present me with empirical evidence to support your claim that I may also know of a certainty.

Before I converted to the LDS Church, a girl missionary begged me to pray to know that the LDS Church is true. She had tears streaming from her eyes and she implored me to just PRAY! Ugh.

Down the road, it was a well-meaning but ignorant elderly missionary couple who successfully got me to join.