I really need someone to talk to regarding my near homelessness with my child. Her father's family is Mormon and they refuse to help, much less see us as needing help. Rather, they deem me (and child!) deserving of this life after divorcing their son, who also is a drug addict with felony domestic violence charges. They blame ME for his actions and so does he. We've been dealing with all of this the best we can for the last 12 years. We've been homeless twice. I don't receive any assistance from them at all, and my daughter receives very little support, unless she is with THEM in their home. Otherwise, we are out of luck as well as harrassed by their accusations and disregard/neglect/alienation, as well as their threats to take custody! Please help!

Available services vary widely by country, by province (I assume) and by state, and by geographical area within that state (or province, I assume)...and I am already assuming that you live in North America.

WITHOUT PROVIDING SPECIFIC IDENTIFYING INFORMATION, please tell us where (in general) you live, and the nearest municipality which has these kinds of services available.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2018 07:24PM by Tevai.

How might your section 8 situation be. Every county is a little different, more demand in some areas less in others. If your here the politics are good in that Salt Lake County and City have been putting up a women and children center.

Rescue Mission of Salt Lake
463 South 400 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84101
Phone: 801.355.1302 - Donations: 801.746.1006
Women's Center: 801.521.5925

http://www.rescuesaltlake.org/understanding-homelessness

For a while, I carried a supply of $5 gift coupons from McDonald's, and would hand those to panhandlers.

Sometimes, they were appreciated. Others, however, were torn into pieces and the person would curse at me.

OK then. I have no problems with driving past them. I contribute to our local shelter. Enough is enough.

The ones who cursed were probably fake.

Is your family able to help?

If no family you may be able to access a homeless shelter for women and children of domestic violence. They might have resources to assist you in getting back on your feet and provide anonymity for your protection.

The last time I was in Salt Lake, the rescue Mission area- The one near that Rio Grande flophouse or halfway house or whatever it is- Seemed pretty dangerous and crime ridden, and I spent a couple of nights there wandering around, don’t ask me why. There was even a couple of areas that had several tents set up.

This was almost a year ago, and my friend from Salt Lake says the area has been much improved just in that short amount of time, and the area near the mission and Pioneer Park is much safer and has a lot less crime and the homeless shelters and Services near there do a much better job of providing services Then they used to. This is all just stuff I’ve heard secondhand, but if it is true I would also recommend the Salt Lake rescue mission as a place to go. In Salt Lake, especially in the winter (which I know it isn't, I’m just saying), I would think that any shelter is better than being out on the street



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2018 07:44PM by midwestanon.

Thank you all for responding so quickly! I am so relieved to be heard!

We are in Boise, Idaho, which has a large mormon population. We are from a small town and this mormon family happens to have government ties as well as being business owners of one of the two lumber yards in town. They think they're better than everyone else and don't care who knows it.

My family are all dead and gone. Father is not interested in my life. I have been on my own since day one with my child.

Do you know if there is an organization that deals with this specific niche of abuse?

I have been a client of a center for domestic violence for all of my daughters life. It helps us in so many ways!

I'm currently using all available resources to recover, however, I am unable to completely provide everything my daughter needs, and I have PTSD as well, from all of it. I am hoping to be able to pay rent in June as a part of the program I am working with, but I really don't know if I will be able to, since I sometimes have to take extended periods of time off work to process the trauma in my head.

I really just need to talk to people who understand the pain and difficulties I face as I go through the steps of recovery.

Thank you all so much!

I am going to see my laywer tomorrow because my daughter's dad wants to stop paying child support while he's in prison, and at that appointment I will be showing my laywer the nasty text messages I have been getting from her father and his mother, and I'll be trying to get his parental rights taken from him. I don't even have the money to pay my lawyer, so I'm grateful that she is extremely patient with me. She has no idea how serious mormon abuse can be. I want to help her see so she will see how much help I really need.

Thank you so much for all of your responses. As long as I can continue to find emotional support like this I KNOW I can do this! I feel so much better already.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2018 07:59PM by tmaynard208.

Www.wcaboise.org

Didnt go thru.
Www.wcaboise.org

Aah sh#t i know how this road goes. Try to get as much help from the government as you can, then go to the catholics for help. They are the only church that will help you with rent and such that i have found. Apply for food stamps. Find a cheaper place. Other than that you won't find much help here i am sorry. Maybe ask family or friends for help. It sucks but i had to ask for help a lot to not be homeless. The church destroys you and then alienates you and then you find yourself homeless. I know this road well. I found a roommate that is helping more than a religion or my family ever did. Good luck.

With this situation being so common, I think there's a good possibility for creating an organization specific to this kind of support. Don't you think?

tmaynard208 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> With this situation being so common, I think
> there's a good possibility for creating an
> organization specific to this kind of support.
> Don't you think?

I thought about that. If there was like a cult rehab facility in pocatello to help people transition better to a real and healthy life that would have been so helpful to me. It actually fascinates me how that religion brainwashed me so good. I want to know how they did with rehab so it never happens again. I was born in it so i kind of got thrown to the wolves and vipers literally from the start. I know those people well. Very abusive and very brutal and insidious.

I have ptsd as well and nothing is scarier than facing homelessness in my condition although i am better than i was. Trauma therapy helps along with acupuncture. Venting on here helps. Watching sir david the bard videos on youtube helps. Telling people to f-ck off helps. I was abused heavily both mentally and physically and i had no clue i was in a cult the entire time. According to my counselor most of my life was abuse and i didn't even know it. I was just surviving a sick environment. And idaho sucks for helping people in a bad situation. There is no urgency here. I live in a mormon town pocatello. This alone has been hell. Feel like i am living in a twilight zone where everyone is brainwashed.

I'm sorry for you! I didn't know Pocatello was like that. I love Idaho but there are a lot of mormons and that bothers me.

I feel so angry and indignant that I want to start something that will help people in a big way.

I wasn't born into this church. I just had a baby with a man who's family is cowboy and traditional mormon very condescending and manipulative.

I had my own abusive childhood. I never wanted any part of their religion and I never truly understood their nastiness untill I divorced their son because he was increasingly abusive. The last time he and I were together he bit me in the face to "get my attention" and I ran away forever. They tried to get custody of my child and tried to prove I was a bad mom.

I had nothing but fought as hard as I could to keep her because I knew she would grow up brainwashed by them. She still is a little brainwashed from growing up going to church with her grandma. But she's 12 now and we talk openly so she's starting to see what's going on.

All I want is to just raise my child. She deserves a village, not just an abused single mom. I'm the kind of person who can't just sit back and watch all this happen. I really feel like I have to do SOMETHING!

tmaynard208 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm sorry for you! I didn't know Pocatello was
> like that. I love Idaho but there are a lot of
> mormons and that bothers me.
>
> I feel so angry and indignant that I want to start
> something that will help people in a big way.
>
> I wasn't born into this church. I just had a baby
> with a man who's family is cowboy and traditional
> mormon very condescending and manipulative.
>
> I had my own abusive childhood. I never wanted any
> part of their religion and I never truly
> understood their nastiness untill I divorced their
> son because he was increasingly abusive. The last
> time he and I were together he bit me in the face
> to "get my attention" and I ran away forever. They
> tried to get custody of my child and tried to
> prove I was a bad mom.
>
> I had nothing but fought as hard as I could to
> keep her because I knew she would grow up
> brainwashed by them. She still is a little
> brainwashed from growing up going to church with
> her grandma. But she's 12 now and we talk openly
> so she's starting to see what's going on.
>
> All I want is to just raise my child. She deserves
> a village, not just an abused single mom. I'm the
> kind of person who can't just sit back and watch
> all this happen. I really feel like I have to do
> SOMETHING!

I am with you, having physical and real friends around is huge. Just me getting a roommate that isn't mormon has been huge for me. The mormons all around bother me too, they haven't helped me worth a sh#t even when i was active, they have no clue how to help someone for real, their minds are totally gone. It is a problem, i see them as more messed up than a heroin addict. Totally brainwashed and controlled. But i noticed that the cult forces people to addiction. I see the abuse of the cult as the cause of addictions at least in that arena. I wanted to start a big community too but it is hard as hell these days. People just want to look at screens all day and that includes myself. But i don't want to be dead when i am not dead you know? The cult forces you to be dead and docile and that is hard to snap out of. I swear they need to build a cult rehab center. The badass may want to work there or get more therapy and deprogramming there.

And that religion breeds abusers more than anything i have ever seen in my life. It's like an abusers breeding zone. The hard task for me is not to turn out like them because i don't know anything else. I know brutallity, i know manipulation, i know how to be a cut throat. I learned a lot of nasty things growing up that i thought was normal. I don't want to be like those b@stards or my father, i want to be a better man then even the god they describe and worship. Their god sucks, he watches abuse no problem, he can f-ck off.

Someone Pleeeeease take these people in!

GNPE Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Someone Pleeeeease take these people in!

I can't i just got a roommate all my rooms are full.

1. Investigate eligibility for free breakfast and lunch in school system if daughter is school age
2. Investigate eligibility for food bank, food stamps and Medicaid for both of you.
3. Some states have assistance programs for children where a parent is incarcerated. Be mindful it may mandate visitation
4. Investigate disability for yourself although this dependency is difficult to break at times for some souls


I wish I knew Idaho law better. A lawyer can assist in many of these things and you are wise to be seeking that advice

Kindest Personal Regards
Gatorman

^^^^What Gatorman said^^^^

You might try Catholic Charities. You do not need to be Catholic in order to use their services, and they often give financial help.

https://ccidaho.org/

Your daughter's school may have a social worker or counselor who can make referrals for additional services.

There are some food banks near you:

https://idahofoodbank.org/

http://www.stmarksboise.org/St--Mark-s-Food-Bank

Good luck to you. I'm glad that you have legal help.

Thank you very much, I will check out those resources.

Sounds like his family is crazy.

How can they blame you when their son is in prison. Was there not evidence provided to put him there?

So what are they accusing you of?

His family IS crazy.

They say that since I had a baby with their son, out of wedlock, then married and divorced him, that put him on the "downward spiral" of drug use and violent behavior.

They told my daughter I'm a bad mom, and I don't know why, except that they see me being a single mom as a sin, or something. I don't know.

They see me struggling to pay my bills and look down on me, yet they refuse to help me pay for my daughter's (their grandchild!) Violin or her birthday. I think they see prosperity as a virtue and struggle as a sin.

But their attitude changes if I have a boyfriend.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/07/2018 01:23AM by tmaynard208.

tmaynard208 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> But their attitude changes if I have a boyfriend.

In what ways do their attitudes change if you have a boyfriend?

I do have a living room that maybe we could put a bed in if you are really facing the streets. I would have to talk to my roommate about it. Facing homelessness after abuse from a cult sucks i know this better than most. I don't want anyone on the streets really.

Thank you. I'm going to see if I can get June rent paid. I'm going to work as much as I can to make that happen. If I can't, maybe I can call you?

tmaynard208 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank you. I'm going to see if I can get June rent
> paid. I'm going to work as much as I can to make
> that happen. If I can't, maybe I can call you?

Let me know what you can do. We could all be a happy family of ex-mormons haha jk. I noticed since i got a roommate i care a little bit more about life. So it does help me to not be alone. I would have to talk to my landlord and see if it would be alright as well. I don't mind but she might and my roommate might. I don't know what i am doing i am getting surgery this month and having people around does help. I just want to help because nobody really helped me out in the real world so i know how it goes way better than most. I have been scraping by for a while until my roommate moved in.

Could you afford 250-275 dollars a month to help with rent and i could help you get on assistance as well or something. I am still in recovery just a head's up. It's a little obvious that i was abused in life but i have gotten better.

Well i talked to my roommate and it's a no go. He thinks it would be too crowded here and he is probably right. If i had another bedroom it would be no problem but i don't have another bedroom. Sorry, let me know how things go anyways.

tmaynard208 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ... I'm going to... make
> that happen. If I can't, maybe I can call you?

I don't know if you want to do that.

You'll (continue to) receive good support here.

Ever try St. Vincent de Paul? Sometimes trying a church directly, during business hours, during the week, or on Sundays, one or some may find it helps theirs to ease your burden.

Best of luck friend.
Keep your head high
And your feet dry.

Idaho Family Services (or whatever they're called) should be able to fix you up with a long-term social worker, who can get to know you, figure our your various needs, which are more than financial. There are issues of school assignment, nutrition, personal safety, mental health, and more. A good social worker lets you know about benefits that go beyond the basics, such as little-known food banks, discounts on utilities, mass transit, job training and referrals, access to free or cheap fitness places, legal assistance, and so on.

My next remark may seem insignificant, but hear me out: in your first post, you talk about "alienation from LDS family." As a matter of personal integrity, understand that they are NOT your family. They are your ex-in-laws, and they have no rights or holds on you, or your daughter. Your ex-husband, of course, has certain rights, but you need a good probate lawyer (see above) to get those carefully worked out, and enforced. But his parents? The more distance you can keep between you and them, the better.

Good luck1

Tmaynard,

Will you be in danger once your ex gets out of prison?
When do you suppose he will get out, and will he be paroled to your area?

kathleen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Tmaynard,
>
> Will you be in danger once your ex gets out of
> prison?
> When do you suppose he will get out, and will he
> be paroled to your area?


It seems to me that it’s important for you to answer these questions, which you didn’t.

People who are offering to help you need to know these things for their own safety.

Visit the Dept of Health and Human Resources. You can apply for welfare.

One more thing -- you might consider looking into a roommate (house or apartment to share) situation with another woman or another single mom in order to reduce your expenses. I've occasionally seen single moms team up with one another.

It looks like the First Baptist has food bank and also clothing and supplies for adolescences: https://www.fbcboise.org/helping-others/

We are in Oregon; if you were closer, we would help in anyway we could.

Best wishes!

I would suggest trying to find a non mormon Christian church, at least for emotional support, many people are in similar situations and find comfort in churches. Lots of church people come from bad situations (many different reasons) and have turned their life around. You may not find financial support (but you may???) but at least emotional support. I know many people on here are against all religion, but Mormonism is not the same as Christianity, they are truly taught to Love others, but still we are human and some just can't.

"They say that since I had a baby with their son, out of wedlock, then married and divorced him, that put him on the "downward spiral" of drug use and violent behavior.

They told my daughter I'm a bad mom, and I don't know why, except that they see me being a single mom as a sin, or something. I don't know.

They see me struggling to pay my bills and look down on me, yet they refuse to help me pay for my daughter's (their grandchild!) Violin or her birthday. I think they see prosperity as a virtue and struggle as a sin.

But their attitude changes if I have a boyfriend."


So he is in prison for domestic violence, which I assume happened before the divorce? Why would they say the violent behavior started after the divorce?

Why did you divorce him?

You might also find additional resources from the Reddit exmormon board:

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/

They already have a network of people set up who have helped others in your situation, and may be able to assist you directly.

Our local YWCA runs a shelter and programs for abused women. Is there a YWCA near you?

I am not Christian, and there are many Christian churches I do not trust any more than I trust the LDS or the Jehovah's Witnesses. However, I do think the Catholics and the Salvation Army will help if they can, without demanding your soul in return, and at least locally where I live, you might also get some help from the Episcopalians and/or the Presbyterians. At least here, they run food pantries, so it might not hurt to look into it. Finally--there may be some 12 step groups in your area that might have some ideas for help. Often people start going to 12 step groups because they are in such bad situations that they consider finally giving them a try, even if they don't really think they "need" them. So you might try calling AA and/or Al-anon, NA or Narc-anon, especially if they have some women-only groups.

Good luck to you! I hope you find what you need soon!