Posted by:
esmaeblack
(
)
Date: October 26, 2010 02:20PM
I am not Mormon nor have I ever been. My parents aren't, my grandparents aren't. But even not growing up in the church I grew up in the church. When all your friends and everything around you is tainted by Mormonism, it's hard not to get sucked in by the culture. I spent my weekends at church-sponsored dances. Once I even got kicked out for dancing too closely with my boyfriend...good idea kicking a few horny teens out of a church dance.
I got married when I was 19 because that's what everyone else here does. I'm still very happily married 10 years later but I can admit 19 is WAY too young to get married. I just got very very lucky. Though I wanted to get married in Vegas, I bowed to the pressure to get married here in Utah in a Mo church by a Mo bishop. And of course we had to be married in the relief society room because we weren't good enough for the chapel. I am traumatized by how awful my wedding was. Neither my husband not I are believers but the bishop insisted on a long, boring speech about the proclamation on the family and a bunch of other stuff I completely tuned out. I feel sick that I don't remember by own wedding vows. I am a huge supporter of gay marriage and hate that at my own wedding he had to discuss the whole "marriage is a sacred convent between one man and one woman."
The whole thing felt like a funeral. There was no joy, happiness or laughter. My family was upset I was getting married at 19 and his family was upset he wasn't getting married in the temple. We had our reception in the basketball room and it too was somber and awful. I didn't even know anybody who came because it was all the members of the ward, and they of course were just disappointed that this boy they had watched grow up was making the mistake of marrying me. Really I can't blame them for making my wedding suck because the final decision was all mine, but I was 19 and didn't know how to stand up for myself. Maybe someday we can have a "do-over."
When our child was born we of course refused to have her blessed in the church which was a huge point of contention. We are still frequently invited to church services and activities, and every time one of us gets sick we are offered a blessing. I am thankful that over the years they have learned to accept me and when we politely decline their requests they back off, but I do wish they would stop offering entirely. I know their hearts are in the right place and I try to appreciate that but it's very frustrating that they keep trying.
Sorry for the novel, and I hope you all don't mind me posting here. It feels really good to finally have a chance to vent my frustration to people who will understand. Thanks for being on the web. My husband finally decided to have his name removed after the anti-gay comments made by Packer and this site is a great resource to help him get started.