Here’s what’s going on. I have physical custody of our 10-year-old daughter and my ex has parent time.

Last time he had parent time, I had to get DCFS involved. My ex had driven recklessly on the freeway and then verbally and emotionally abused our daughter. She was traumatized. The case is still pending with DCFS.

My ex has a well-documented case of bipolar disorder. He and I were scheduled to go to court for his back child support, but his attorney canceled and asked for an extension. Her reason is because he is not mentally well. She said in the motion that he is not taking his meds and not seeing his therapist. She said he is not functional.

Meanwhile he fired that attorney and now his new attorney contacted me. The new attorney wants to use a Special Master to resolve this parent time issue. Otherwise he’s taking me to court for blocking his parent time.

I need help figuring out what to do.

No advice. I am just sorry that you and your child are going through this.

Your basic quest is to get the facts before the judge.

One very pertinent fact, although it is an aside to the main issue, is that despite his mental problems, he can afford to pay an attorney!

Is your daughter old enough so that the court would consider her testimony "valid"?

Screw the Special Master request. Just tell your ex's new atty that you'll wait for the hearing before the judge.

I'd just prepare a nice Declaration, with unimpeachable data and then cross your fingers. The facts are on your side!

No idea. I went to a lawyer before and it was not the most helpful thing. There is no lawyer that will fight for a former abuse victim i know that much. It's up to me and any civilian willing to help me in the end.

Would DCFS assist you with legal representation? In New York for child custody and support hearings the county will assign a family lawyer to the custodial parent if needed. I realize Utah's a different state, but still ... you could really use one now. Or a child advocate if not a court appointed attorney for you. A court appointed child advocate will take your husband to task if needed.

Someone who's bi-polar and off his meds the case can be made makes for a reckless driver, and cause to be an abusive/neglectful parent.

DCFS doesn’t seem to have much power in Utah. They either support or don’t support the allegations and that’s it. They can’t even legally advise that I withhold parent time while the case is pending.

My post will not post because of a banned word which I cannot figure out.

I will type this paragraph-by-paragraph and try to figure out what the banned word is. (My post has six paragraphs, so these will be posted one-by-one.)

Paragraph #1): In person, go over to:

Paragraph #2):
Jewish Family Service
Brickyard Office Building
1111 Brickyard Road, #218
Salt Lake City, UT 84106

Paragraph #3):
Their phone number is: 801-746-4334 (but go over there in person, first--make a personal, face-to-face connection, and all else will be easier).

Paragraph #4):
Their office has closed for today, but will open tomorrow (they keep regular office hours--with the possible exception of Fridays--and you can Google them).

Paragraph #5):
Their services are available "without regard to religion"--and, if the stories about similar services in other areas are applicable to this particular organization, they will likely connect you to one of the attorneys who do this work--attorneys who will assist at least partially as a public service (it is the tzedakah/tikkun olam ["righteousness"/"repair the world"] imperative in Jewish culture).

Paragraph #6):
If they cannot help you directly, they will very likely give you the information you need, on how to deal with this in the best way...and, if you have to go "somewhere else," you will very likely go with the strengthened, and accurate, information they will provide you with.

[Typing this paragraph-by-paragraph, it went through!]



Edited 7 time(s). Last edit at 05/09/2018 07:35PM by Tevai.

Thank you! I will go there tomorrow and see them as you suggest.

LOL! Even the Moderators can't get by Loki, the god of recalcitrant software. :)

I have been down this road before, not an attorney, just a dad.

I see several issues that are going to cause you grief. First, you say that DCFS is still investigating the last “Parent Time” debacle with your EX. Is there a police report? Reckless driving is going to require a citation and court information before they take it too seriously. They aren’t highway patrolman and they will probably not be very helpful with that particular allegation without a police report.

Second, verbal and emotional abuse. They probably will do nothing about that either unless you have had your daughter in counseling for some time, probably about four or five sessions and the therapist is able to recommend to the court that parent time with her father is not in her best interest. It also would help if you have reports from maybe a school counselor about how this emotional abuse has effected her school work.

Emotional and verbal abuse can also be subjective. Is the conduct something that another reasonable parent would consider abusive or is it simply discipline? This is why your daughter needs to see a therapist and why their opinion is crucial. It also is not unheard of for kids to play one parent off of the other.

Third,your ex husband’s mental health really isn’t an issue unless he is a threat to your child. Even Bipolar parents can see their children. The only way a court will do anything is if YOU can prove that seeing her is not in your daughter’s best interest.

Here is what I see happening; A judge most likely won’t touch this case, your Ex’s attorney is making a sound recommendation. You really don’t want this in front of a judge, he might think you are trying to keep your daughter from your EX. That might back fire on you.Salt Lake judges love to put bickering parents in their high conflict treatment program which is a pain in the ass for both of you.

Ask for a mediator. Work out a plan for him to pay back child support and then make any future parent time be contingent on him undergoing a mental health evaluation and following through with any treatment.

In the end, you probably are not going to be able to keep him from seeing your daughter. He still is her dad and someday she may get the idea that you kept her from him...

Good luck.

Yeah, I went to the police but they couldn’t help. My daughter is in counseling. She’s seen the counselor three or four times now.

I’ve been handling the financial issues without a lawyer but feel child custody is too risky to represent myself.

I’ll be honest with you. Without a police report the reckless driving never happened. DCFS won’t do anthing. You do need your daughter in counseling. I am assuming that you have sole custody? If that is the case, the most that you will probably get is him having supervised visits and thats a big maybe. Mediation is probably your best bet. But from what you have described, he will most likely still be able to have parent time. Is he demanding access to thr daughter? If he is you still will have to comply with the parenting plan or you may get charged with Custodial Interference.

A special master = a GAL which is an attorney for your childs interests. They will interview you, your child and her father.
They will then return to the court with a decision that is effective foremost for the childs interests. Normally the cost is cut in half between parents or the person with the greater assets pays.
GALS can be biased especially against the party who is paying them or they know the attorney.
I had one. He was exs counselor. He came down really hard on me. I kept telling him ex had no intention oc paying him. He kept saying i was lying to him. So everyone was against me right up until his bill went into collections. The moral being, if you are going to say anything bad about ex,make sure its something g that your ex cant help but doing or say.

"Special Master" sounded kinky, but I know what a Guardian ad Litem is. My younger daughter owns and operates a supervised visitation business. She used to work for one, and then decided, "I can do this."

I'm glad that they didn't have "supervised visitation" when I got divorced. It was bad enough that I was a single mother for 10 or 11 years, and then, when we were getting divorced, my now-ex told me, "You WILL NOT consult an attorney, even once. Don't even think about doing it behind my back, because I will know. This is a small town and I have eyes everywhere."

I was too terrified of him to talk to an attorney. He told me, "If you have any legal questions, you can ask MY attorney." I did, but of course, if I asked a question that had teeth in it, the attorney would say, "Please remember that I work for Mr Ex. I cannot answer that question."

So the ex, who could not be bothered to change a single diaper, prepare a single bottle, or take our son to the pediatrician when he was ill, got full custody of our son. I got visitation every other weekend. "Supervised visitation" (implying, as it does, that the parent cannot be trusted with the child) would have been the proverbial straw that broke the catnip's back.

The ex won the battle, but I won the war. As soon as my son graduated from high school, he came to live with me. He has been living with or near me since 1995. HIS choice.

My two cents-

1-Petition the court he have a psych evaluation to determine him being mentally balanced to be a fit parent.

2-Another option-don't block his visitation, but petition the court to have SUPERVISED visits only.

You want any negative reactions recorded, and at the least he may behave better because he is being observed.

3-Is there a police report on the reckless driving? Make sure your attorney gets that.

4. If your child is old enough and willing to testify of the even without a police report, allow them.

5. Child support has nothing to do with visitation or being mentally ill. If you have a court order stating he legally has to pay support, its a separate issue. Child support is not payment for visitations or based on the payee's emotions.

RMM

Here's a little guidance:
Are you in Salt Lake County? Salt Lake County demands that parent-time issues go before a mediator first before they can be heard by a judge. A Special Master request from the opposing attorney may or may not be a good idea--the special master idea is to put someone in charge of handling day-to-day, issue-by-issue parent-time problems because a judge can't monitor details. It could help or it could be a very expensive mess.

Child support issues are completely separate from parent-time and you can get court-enforcement directly. I don't know why there would be a continuance, and I don't know what the hearing was supposed to be, but I assume it was before a Commissioner for contempt and a judgment. A judgment should be easy to get, contempt requires more hoop-jumping and doesn't result in much in Salt Lake County. However, ORS will collect a child-support judgment and that's helpful.

DCFS will not do anything besides issue a finding of supported, unsupported, something else meaning exonerated. The reason DCFS won't do more is that you are the custodial parent, therefore, the child's living situation is secure. There are so many children whose primary custodial situations are insecure that their resources have to be devoted to gaining a secure custodial arrangement for those children. Parent-time adjustments are seen as something you can pursue in the divorce court, not juvenile court, which has got jurisdiction only over clear and convincing abuse and neglect situations--which your case isn't.

Supervised parent-time will not be a long-term solution because Utah law requires that supervised parent-time have an end-game. There must be provisions for what the noncustodial parent must do to regain parent-time.

No therapist with professional ethics will opine to the court about what parent-time arrangement is in the child's best interest because treating a child isn't the same as doing a forensic evaluation of a parent-time situation. Professionals who can do an evaluation are out there, but they won't be the same person as the treating therapist. The treating therapist can opine on specific things, but will not be open-ended, and judges, especially Commissioners, don't want to put children in the position of having their confidential therapy records put before the court to be fought over by their parents. This is the general view, if your situation is different, a court will hear it--just don't be wrong that your situation was special.

There will be sympathy for your parent-time situation in court. The heart of the issue is designing a solution. Your ex is not going away, and the court doesn't have authority to get rid of him. He's got a constitutional right to parent--to some identifiable degree, and the court must respect that.

Maybe some medication regimen must be in place before parent-time. No driving the child, or something. Success will depend on coming up with a scheme that will work.

The problem that you face is that you, as a parent, see your opinion and the child's best interests as fully congruent. The court sees you as a litigant whose opinion may, in some respects, correspond with the child's best interest as interpreted under the law; or, it may not. But you will feel that you are not entirely trusted in the process. Don't get offended by that. What you're feeling is true, you're not entirely trusted. From experience, the court views litigants as highly animated by negative feelings toward their ex in addition to having valid concerns for their children. The court's got to tease those motivations apart, and that can seem really unfair.