Posted by:
Tevai
(
)
Date: May 17, 2018 11:46AM
Anonanon Wrote:
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> I am an adoptee and I have been denied my
> identity. The entire world seems to have agreed
> on a narrative where they see my experience as a
> rescue I should be grateful for.
I agree that this is true in American society (and possibly, North American or "Western" society...MAYBE, because I don't know), and in an American historical context this makes sense. In times past, most adoptions occurred in situations where American society as a whole accepted that the mother had "sinned," and that the offspring of that "sinning" was fortunate in that they were given a replacement family which allowed that "sinning" to be obscured from more public knowledge. This was genuinely seen, by most people, as the most compassionate thing to do for both the mother and the child (and for the mother's family as well, whose social standing was also at risk).
> I’m told how to feel and my feelings and
> traumatic experiences are framed as a blessing.
>
> Why is this????
Because, in times past, it WAS (or, at least, it often was) a blessing. It allowed a child to grow up to be a fully-accepted adult, who was able to marry the person of their choice, without bringing the knowledge of their mother's assumed "sin" into either their new married family, or their community. For children who were adopted into families of a higher socio-economic level, or where there was more money (remember the Great Depression, as well as similar difficult American historical eras), it enabled children to have what was presumed to be a better life, with better educational prospects, better marriage prospects, and a better (more economically substantial) level of life. For children who had been the product of already-affluent and socially-established families, it allowed the child to be "equal" (in the sense that the child would not be disinherited or socially shunned because of their presumed "sinful" heritage).
> Why do people who have no investment in adoption
> also participate in the silencing? Here is a link
> of 100 adoptees stating what makes them angry
> about adoption and their experience. I felt so
> validated reading it.
These adoptees are perfectly correct...but it has taken until into the twenty-first century before this could be fully acknowledged, because we (the American people) are still "growing up"--just as we have been for the past going-on-three-hundred years.
Within American society, adoptees today are in a very similar position to GLBT Americans, or biracial offspring, or people of color or previously-avoided ethnicities...all of which are now--at last, finally!!!--able to accept and identify with their biological family origins, and "reinvent" their default social acceptance.
This is a good time for adoptees, and the fact that you are able to post this is evidence that the things you care about are rapidly improving.
[I have not written this theoretically. I am the biological daughter of the "wrong" brother (the one who was NOT married to my mother), and my birth permanently destroyed a number of lives, some of whom I care[d] for and love[d] extremely much, for all the rest of their lives. Growing up, and through much of my adulthood, I had my own problems with these issues...except I was not told what the truth actually was until a very long time after I became an adult. I knew, of course, that there had been a horrendous, and literally unspeakable, family break-up (which was NEVER healed or addressed, by anyone)...but I had no idea that MY existence was the cause of it. I understand your feelings, and I also think that you need to realize that, on this issue, America is still very much in the process of evolving in a better direction. The efforts to help this along are good, and at some point down the line, things ARE going to be better for everyone concerned. Right now, "we" (American society as a whole) are working on it...as evidenced by your post here, and by the unofficially organized efforts of others in your position.]
Coming from where I have been my entire life, I do empathize with you, and I feel for what you are feeling now.