I don’t think anything could have prepared me. I desperately Wanted to leave but I was 21 and as it was my wedding day and I was fearful of the repercussions that I would have to deal with Afterwards
In that I was indoctrinated from my toes to the last hair on the top of my head--meaning I had been prepared since birth to swallow anything at all because Heavenly Father/Joseph Smith--then yes. I was prepared. I was a blank vessel eager to please that they could fill with anything they wanted.
My father in the silly outfit promising to slit his throat, my mother with the veil over her face, the pentagrams, the silly play acting, Satan playing a minister with the coolest apron and his own priesthood running the show. I just accepted it all like the brainwashed child I was.
I even witnessed a wedding and thought how special it was. Geez. Seems so bizarre now and wrong. But that was then .
I had a few years to go before I woke from the stupor.
Done & Done Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > In that I was indoctrinated from my toes to the > last hair on the top of my head--meaning I had > been prepared since birth to swallow anything at > all because Heavenly Father/Joseph Smith--then > yes. I was prepared. I was a blank vessel eager > to please that they could fill with anything they > wanted. > > My father in the silly outfit promising to slit > his throat, my mother with the veil over her face, > the pentagrams, the silly play acting, Satan > playing a minister with the coolest apron and his > own priesthood running the show. I just accepted > it all like the brainwashed child I was. > > I even witnessed a wedding and thought how special > it was. Geez. Seems so bizarre now and wrong. > But that was then . > > I had a few years to go before I woke from the > stupor.
Jesus, and that's all i got to say. I dodged one hell of a bullet in this reguard.
The "temple preparation" class they made me take didn't do anything except spend a lot of time trying to convince me that I must not talk about what went on outside of the temple, and to hint that it might be a little weird -- but don't worry, it's all super-sacred and super-holy!
Then I had to stand around naked with a sheet open on the sides sort of covering me. Then some old fart of a temple worker lovingly "consecrated" my penis by stroking it with oily fingers, all while refusing to look me in the eye. Then I had to learn to make death gestures showing ways my life would be taken if I ever revealed the temple secrets, finally getting into a five-point death-grip through a dirty "veil" and repeating magic nonsense words to get into a "celestial room" where nobody would answer any of my questions about how absurd it all was.
I grew up with parents who were inactive and had never gone thru the temple. No one was there for me except for a few ward members. I didn’t even know about garments until my last year in high school. Appearances are deceiving as it looked like everyone else was just fine with what was going on and that there had to be something wrong with me. I felt very isolated and alone for years afterwords.
No, I was not prepared for my first visit. However, I was ready for my LAST visit. Yep, I had pretty much figured out the church was bullshit, but I promised my bishop I’d go to the House of the Lord as it was a place of revelation. And it was! It was revealed to me that I was in a cult. Goodbye Mormonism!
BYU Boner Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > No, I was not prepared for my first visit. > However, I was ready for my LAST visit. Yep, I had > pretty much figured out the church was bullshit, > but I promised my bishop I’d go to the House of > the Lord as it was a place of revelation. And it > was! It was revealed to me that I was in a cult. > Goodbye Mormonism!
Nice. I said goodbye to mormism when i figured out what they were doing to my mind over and over. Said to myself if i don't get out i am literally going to die by my own hand.
No. I was scared and scarcely a believer. I had only been off drugs and alcohol which I had been consuming voluminously for 1 year.
Raise Mormon, I had rebelled from it and my parents and been kicked out. I got caught with pot and thrown in jail and my parents were willing to bail me out if I conformed.
Church was one of their conditions.
I went and latched onto Mormonism to fight my existential angst and penchant to self medicate my problems away.
I landed up naked in a temple. I pissed off most of my family by not making my endowment a family affair and only going with a brother.
I wanted to bolt in the covenants part and couldn't understand how trying to be devoted to God required I promise my life to a corporation.
The dead dunking got a bit splashy and then it degenerated into a water battle with raucous laughter no less. A temple curmudgeon put a stop to it and chastised us roundly for our hooliganism. I was neither embarrassed or chastened. That was the last time I set foot in the joint.
The only preparation I had was my mother telling me that there was a lot of symbolism. That’s it.
Because I had been told my entire life how great and wonderful the temple was, I was expecting some sort of religious clarification and verification that would solidify my belief beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Boy…was I wrong.
Never in my wildest dreams could I ever have imagined stripping down, being “naked touched”, and having some old man stranger “help” me into my new underwear. I remember thinking, “How come the “naked touching” couldn’t be done symbolically on TOP of my clothes?”. When the movie started and the voice said, “If any of you desire to withdraw rather than accept these obligations of your own free will and choice…”, I thought, “How can I choose to stay and accept “these obligations” if I don’t know what they are?” I should have said, “Fuck this, I’m outta here”.
But I stuck around and learned some new handshakes. Kinda felt like I was one of the Flintstones attending a Loyal Order of the Water Buffalo meeting. When I pantomimed slitting my throat and slicing open my bowels I was struck with the thought of, “This isn’t MY church”. And when I started chanting (Pay Lay Ale-ing), for the first time in my life I thought I heard the “still small voice”. In my head it was screaming, “YOU ARE IN A CULT!!”. My father shoving me up into the prayer circle only confirmed that fact.
Having never “felt the spirit” prior to going through the temple, I certainly didn’t feel it there either. Although I was a TBM, I can count on one hand how many times I went back through the temple over the next 20 years. Still have never “felt the spirit”.
I was not prepared. Maybe if they had discussed the symbolism of it all in advance, I would not have been so freaked out. My first vist to the temple was my last. I could not force myself to go back.
After reading all of these experiences which I really appreciate I can now say i’m Not sure which would be worse, going without any family or going with parents and extended family who watched My every move and waited for me to smile and say “wow that was awesome”. In my case they would have been sorely Disappointed
I was dumbfounded when I went through for the first time. Because the temple is so "sacred," everyone is afraid to talk about it, so I had no idea of what to expect. I certainly didn't expect to have my naked body touched with oil, be given a new name which I promptly forgot and still don't remember, see a ridiculous film with Adam and Eve sporting perfectly coifed hairdos and the Actor Gordon Jump (W.K.R.P in Cincinnati) playing the Apostle Peter. Throw in throat/bowel slashings, Pillsbury dough boy outfits, green aprons and weird chanting, and I was beyond freaked out. To top it all off, the very rich and snooty elderly couple from my ward were the celestial room greeters who welcomed me into the celestial room as if it were their own home and they were allowing me to enter. There was nothing spiritual or good about the experience and it never improved the few times I went through before finally exiting the cult.
I've told this story before. I worked with a woman who happened to have a conversation with a group of women talking about the temple and having to get naked. She told me about it and she and I were really shocked. I told my older sister and asked her to tell me what it was all about. I was ready to leave the church. She told me about the washing and anointing. If I hadn't known beforehand, the shock would have been HUGE. (My new name is Lucy, by the way.)
My sister 17 months older got married many years before I did. I saw her after she spent the day in SLC at the temple and she looked STUNNED. She looked bad enough--this empty look in her eyes--that I did the endowment before my temple marriage. I was just relieved to get it over with. My mother actually asked me to ask someone else to come to help me as she was too nervous when she goes to the temple. She did go with me, but I had my future SIL go along, too. Those were the only 2 I allowed to come with me. I don't like to be on display.
The temple was HIDEOUS. SHOCKING.
Doing sealings to a stranger was the most shocking. It took that for me to never go back. It was only my 4th or 5th time going.
My daughter went through a little over a year ago. She posted something on fb about how she has grown from attending the temple. For a second I thought, 'Maybe I just didn't give it a chance.' Then it was "Hell no!" Whoever fools themselves into thinking there is ANYTHING sacred about that is delusional.
cl2 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I've told this story before. I worked with a woman > who happened to have a conversation with a group > of women talking about the temple and having to > get naked. She told me about it and she and I were > really shocked. I told my older sister and asked > her to tell me what it was all about. I was ready > to leave the church. She told me about the washing > and anointing. If I hadn't known beforehand, the > shock would have been HUGE. (My new name is Lucy, > by the way.) > > My sister 17 months older got married many years > before I did. I saw her after she spent the day in > SLC at the temple and she looked STUNNED. She > looked bad enough--this empty look in her > eyes--that I did the endowment before my temple > marriage. I was just relieved to get it over with. > My mother actually asked me to ask someone else to > come to help me as she was too nervous when she > goes to the temple. She did go with me, but I had > my future SIL go along, too. Those were the only 2 > I allowed to come with me. I don't like to be on > display. > > The temple was HIDEOUS. SHOCKING. > > Doing sealings to a stranger was the most > shocking. It took that for me to never go back. It > was only my 4th or 5th time going. > > My daughter went through a little over a year ago. > She posted something on fb about how she has grown > from attending the temple. For a second I thought, > 'Maybe I just didn't give it a chance.' Then it > was "Hell no!" Whoever fools themselves into > thinking there is ANYTHING sacred about that is > delusional.
I have nightmares of being a teenager in yet another lesson on the SACREDNESS of the temple. When I was actually going thru The horrible feelings were rising to the surface as I kept waiting for the sacredness to kick in....I thought my new husband and I might be able to salvedge something in the Celestial room. It was our first opportunity to be together. No sooner did we sit down that a temple worker shooed us out as another group was coming through. I had to change out of my wedding dress because I was wearing these horrible garments that were down to my wrist and my ankles
Absolutely NOT! I felt 100% ambushed despite taking the lame temple prep classes. The experience was anything but spiritual. I truly believed that sacrament meetings that focused on Christ were more satisfying
messygoop Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I felt 100% ambushed despite taking the lame > temple prep classes.
Goop you were duly and truly Emboscada!
You were blind-sided by a sort of Freemasonic oath designed to play with your mind and make you pledge any kind of crap the rebungnified Worshipful Masters dish up.
But like most things, since the church was just assumed to be true in the world that I inhabited to that point--I just grinned and bore it.
Then I went to the MTC where you go to the temple every week. Now that was kind of a break from the monotony of life there, so it didn't seem so bad and you kind of get used to it.
I was then out on a mission in a place without a temple. So the temple could go back to being this abstract, wonderful place again.
This is another one of those reasons why the: "It's my faith tradition" type of approach to Mormonism doesn't work for me. So what? Do I really have to put up with this stuff? Do I really like it? My answer was no. I was largely just doing it, because I thought that I had to!
I remember being so messed up after my Temple wedding that I wanted to go to a therapist but who do you talk to? You can’t talk to an LDS therapist and if I went to a regular therapist And told them what went on in the Temple I doubt they would even believe me
Anon42day Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I remember being so messed up after my Temple > wedding that I wanted to go to a therapist but who > do you talk to? You can’t talk to an LDS > therapist and if I went to a regular therapist > And told them what went on in the Temple I doubt > they would even believe me
Exactly, there is no where to go especially in a mormon town. I knew i needed real therapy as a teenager but where do you go? Even in your mind god is one of them and not like you so you can't even go to god to get sanity.
It was nothing like what I had expected it to be. I felt like, Dude, what happened to my church? The penalties were particularly disturbing and I wasn't happy with being told to avoid light mindedness as I really like to laugh. I had heard so much about "the veil" throughout my life that I was literally expecting some sort of inter dimensional portal. When the wall raised and I saw it was just some white sheet I felt like Ralphie in A Christmas Story when he realized that his secret Ovaltine decoder ring was just a crummy commercial. Oh, and I hated garments and went into deep mourning missing my tighty whities.
No I traveled 350 miles With a few ward members During the oil naked and touching I excuse e d my self to the rest room put my clothes on and headed out Caught a taxi and got a flight home
paulsal Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > No > I traveled 350 miles > With a few ward members > During the oil naked and touching I excuse e d my > self to the rest room put my clothes on and headed > out > Caught a taxi and got a flight home
Wow, always thought i could get caught in a situation like that.
Only been to a Mormon Temple twice . once at age 9 to be sealed to my family. Can't remeber too much but it wasn't a bad experience . The next time was horrible at age 15 about . Dead dunking with some Nazi Mormon temple worker bossing our MIA group all over the place . It was weird to say the very least . I quit Moronism at age 16 mainly because of the racism and it was terrifically boring. Except for funerals and a wedding receptions have never gone back .
I had a close friend,who was also a convert,took me to her bedroom and gave me a run down just before my first temple visit. I was shocked when she told about the naked thing but very glad to be forwarned. The most shocking part was how it was all like my induction into the Rainbow Girls (eastern stars for young women). I really hated Rainbow Girls!
My parents were lifelong active members, so I knew about garments forever. One of my brothers told me everything in detail about the temple ceremony before I went through the temple before my mission because he had been freaked out by his first experience and didn't want me to have the same experience. He talked it over with our childhood nanny, who was by that time finding her way out of the church, and she urged him to tell me. It's a good thing he told me, because while I doubt I would have had the nerve to walk out, it would have been very disturbing to me. As it actually went down, I was more disturbed in hearing it than I was when it actually happened. That was the beginning of the end for me as far as the church was concerned.
The temple has been held up to you as the Supreme Experience throughout your Mormon life.
It is a massive "FAIL" on every level, and totally shatters your expectations, and yet you are expected to radiate awe and joy as you leave. You don't dare ask, "WTF was THAT all about?" because obviously, that is not the mood they want to set.
It was supposed to be (at least, I thought so) the ULTIMATE spiritual experience - the enlightenment. With its uncomfortable naked-touching, bizarre costumes, and dull-as-dishwater "play."
I expected this huge spiritual enlightenment, but all I saw was adults stuffed into ridiculous costumes, mouthing along in meaningless repetitions. And afterwards, you had to be so careful, to keep your face from showing how stunned you were, at the deception and dishonesty.
I attended once more, just to be sure that I wasn't seeing things quite right. Nope. My perceptions had been entirely accurate. That was the beginning of the end.
I never went through an endowment or sealing, and even though I feel terrible for those of you who did, I am so thankful to be able to read about your experiences here. Mormons won't talk about the temple at all, so it's a huge relief that exmos here are willing to honestly talk about it. Learning the truth about the 'most sacred place on earth' helps me understand that this really is a cult and that I'm not crazy for having those suspicions as a youngster.
I did baptisms as a 14 year old once. But you're down in the basement and wouldn't see anything else that goes on in there. Or maybe they don't do the other ceremonies while baptisms by the youth are going on? Does anyone have any insight on that?
I have also been to the open house for the San Diego temple, and the Sacramento temple. They do a good job of making it appear like a very special and spiritual place, especially if you're an indoctrinated BIC, or even a nevermo. Wow, little did we know....
bluebutterfly Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I never went through an endowment or sealing, and > even though I feel terrible for those of you who > did, I am so thankful to be able to read about > your experiences here. Mormons won't talk about > the temple at all, so it's a huge relief that > exmos here are willing to honestly talk about it. > Learning the truth about the 'most sacred place on > earth' helps me understand that this really is a > cult and that I'm not crazy for having those > suspicions as a youngster. > > I did baptisms as a 14 year old once. But you're > down in the basement and wouldn't see anything > else that goes on in there. Or maybe they don't do > the other ceremonies while baptisms by the youth > are going on? Does anyone have any insight on > that? > > I have also been to the open house for the San > Diego temple, and the Sacramento temple. They do a > good job of making it appear like a very special > and spiritual place, especially if you're an > indoctrinated BIC, or even a nevermo. Wow, little > did we know....
Hey i was at the san diego open house as well you may have seen me haha i think i was pretty young, i remember putting on those booties they make you put on. They do make it seem like this beautiful and awesome place and that is a big deception. They make it seem like the pinnacle place to get to heaven or something. It was a nice looking building for sure, nothing cheap about it. People starving all over the world and we are building handshake buildings the entire time.
Being nevermo, I never experienced the temple. However, my imagination, paired with a devilish sense of humor and an irrepressible urge to laugh at the silly, got me very close to what many of you have already described.
Very soon after we married, I was attending the Sunday block with my wife, and we would go the investigator's class together. My wife had already told me much of the more public aspects of Mormonism, which was right in line with the General Principles lessons we were being taught in class. However, she'd always clam up whenever I asked about the temple, and would often only refer to the "milk before the meat." I thought it was comically mysterious.
After one of the lessons, my wife introduced me somebody in the bishopric who was sitting in on the class. He asked what I thought of the lessons and what I knew before I started attending the classes. I jokingly said that my wife filled me in on of the secrets, such as passwords, handshakes, blood oaths, and human sacrifices. I was purposely over-the-top so he would know I was just kidding, but I was not prepared for his sudden seriousness and strained response, "They are sacred, not secret." He was so earnest, I almost blurted out, "Bullshit."
It wasn't until after I began doing my own research that I discovered how close my over-the-top comment was to the truth.
Nothing can prepare you for the insanity of it all.
I'll never forget seeing my soon to be husband in that baker's hat. I can't imagine my dad ever wearing that, but I know he did. My dad looked like John Wayne and he was a really imposing figure. I can't imagine my dad in that hat and I never went through with him. He came to my wedding, but guests were in Sunday best.
catnip, you got it right. It was supposed to be the ultimate spiritual experience. It failed on every level. It was one of the biggest disappointments of my life.
Even with all the videos you can watch now, there is nothing quite like experiencing it in person.
I have read everyone’s comments carefully and thoughtfully. My only regret is that I wasn’t able to do this back in the sixties Right after my wedding. Everything that people shared were parallel to my own thoughts and, more importantly, feelings. I would not be exaggerating if I were to say I came out of the Temple like someone coming home from the war .....shell shocked and, although unrecognizeable at the time, I would have been a darn good example of someone with PTSD.
All these years I thought it was just me but the comments are finally helping me put that notion to rest.
My first experience was as a 12 year old going to the SL temple to be sealed to my parents the day my sister got married. I was put into the "nursery" with all the other kids waiting for the time for the sealing. Lots of crying babies and little kids. I was kinda scared because I didn't know if my parents were ever going to come get me or what was about to happen. Finally in the early afternoon, someone came in and took me to the sealing room, and there were my parents and my sister and her soon to be husband. They looked stupid in those costumes and I almost burst out laughing. I didn't realize the seriousness of it all, but I got the stink eye from my mother and immediately knew this was no time to laugh. It was surreal and I do not remember much of the actual sealing.
The next time I went was for baptisms for the dead. It was the Logan temple and a long bus ride from southern Idaho. I absolutely hated that experience. I overheard some of the temple workers gossiping about another temple worker and remember thinking that they weren't very nice. I never did the dead dunking again in my lifetime in the church.
Then, my wedding day....OMG. It was awful. There were 13 brides that day in Idaho Falls. We were all sitting in the chapel and someone came in and asked that all the so and so party come out into the hall. One of the brides had backed out. Well, that didn't inspire confidence in the whole shebang. Then we went into the first room. Adam and Eve were played by two VERY elderly people and I could not stop thinking about how odd that was. No film. All live and we moved from room to room. The guy playing Satan actually scared the bejesus out of me. I was so scared I'd forget what to say at the veil.
Then we went into the sealing room and my fiance' was proxy in the sealing of his mother to his deceased father. Then a couple of his siblings who were there were sealed to them as a family. It was all just so weird, seeing my young fiance playing the role of his own father...kinda creepy if you want to know the truth.
Finally, I got sealed to DH. Then the officiator told us we could step to the corner and exchange rings...how romantic.
I hated the temple. Once I almost fainted in the prayer circle from that hot veil over my face.
Not prepared. I grew up in a strict Mormon family with pioneer roots. The ceremony went from strange to down right creepy when we started to mimicking the throat slashing. I only went twice and that was too much.