How do I tell my parents that I do not plan on attending their funeral(s). They probably have a bit of life left in them, but I just can't imagine sitting though a Mormon funeral service. Do I flat out tell them? Or do I make up some flaky lie on funeral day?

I vote for the flaky lie. There is no reasoning with some people.

Detaching one's self from the LDS Church (even if one was a "jackmormon" for years) involves real loss and grieving, even if one "left" in one's own mind years ago...

I think the "one day at a time" philosophy is solid wisdom, and I would give yourself some time before you make a final decision...

Just my nickel's worth...

My parents didn't have Mormon funerals per se, though both were buried in their temple clothing (compliments of my TBM brothers.)

Their funerals were held at funeral homes, each. Our family gave eulogies, not Mormon bishops (unless you count my dad's cousins who spoke. They grew up with my dad and were more like brothers. Not bishops or bishopric - although they were former.)

So, how much say do you have in their funeral planning? Because it may not need to be a Mormon funeral at all. But when they do die how will they know if you aren't there? Why is it necessary for you to tell them, if that is your reason for not attending?

IMO, even if mine had held Mormon funerals, I'd have regretted not going. I'm glad that I went to both. It helped my closure in dealing with their loss.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2018 08:48PM by Amyjo.

When the time comes, you can decide what's best.

I second that. Good advice.

I agree with Cheryl. You don't need to make a decision right now.

If you do attend, you can always bring earplugs or digital music with earphones.

I sat through my Dad's. The viewing was nice as I saw a lot of old friends I hadn't seen for decades and it was just a lot of catching up and hugs.

The funeral started out well and some people actually talked about my Dad. Some of it was about his love of fishing and horses and some of it was just what a great spiritual stalwart he was in the Mormon church.

The unbearable part came at the end when the SP droned on and on in his best "apostolic voice" about the PoS.

I had felt like you, but I'm glad I went. Extreme Mormon as my mother was, she still needed us all there. Sometimes its' not about us, and, an hour on a hard pew listening to the propaganda isn't such a sacrifice. Underneath all the Mormonism I did feel very connected to my family in a nice way that day and that is not always the case.

I waited until the long Mormon dedication had been layered on to the day for extra measure, and everyone was gone from the grave, and then I stayed a while and said my own goodbye.

Or, have a good excuse ready. Something contagious is always appropriate. I do understand how you feel. I really don't want to go for my Mom's funeral.

Sorry, I will probably depart from the reasoning of most on this topic. There ARE YOUR PARENTS you are talking about. No matter what their actions are right now, I can guarantee that you will regret it til the day you die if you do not attend and help with it. You can put your religious feelings aside for two or three hours. I had essentially four parents (actual parents divorced when I was very young and remarried). Mom and step-dad were TBM and had funerals that reflected it. Dad and Step-mom were both Mormon, but had not attended any sort of LDS service for 40+ years. Their funerals did not have any religious overtones other than an opening and closing prayer.


Suck up your pride and don't tell them you will not be at their funerals. You will be the one that regrets it about ten years after they are gone, not them.

DaveinTX Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sorry, I will probably depart from the reasoning
> of most on this topic. There ARE YOUR PARENTS you
> are talking about. No matter what their actions
> are right now, I can guarantee that you will
> regret it til the day you die if you do not attend
> and help with it. You can put your religious
> feelings aside for two or three hours. I had
> essentially four parents (actual parents divorced
> when I was very young and remarried). Mom and
> step-dad were TBM and had funerals that reflected
> it. Dad and Step-mom were both Mormon, but had
> not attended any sort of LDS service for 40+
> years. Their funerals did not have any religious
> overtones other than an opening and closing
> prayer.
>
>
> Suck up your pride and don't tell them you will
> not be at their funerals. You will be the one
> that regrets it about ten years after they are
> gone, not them.
That has been a nagging thought, that I will regret it. They probably have 10+ years of life in each of them. Maybe they will change their religious views as time goes on. Like others said, I should just go and deal with it.

jettrink Wrote:
-....
> That has been a nagging thought, that I will
> regret it. They probably have 10+ years of life
> in each of them. Maybe they will change their
> religious views as time goes on. Like others
> said, I should just go and deal with it.

Please remember that funerals are not for the deceased person. They are intended to be consolation for the survivors - friends and family. If you will not get any benefit from attending, don't go. Pay your respects in some other way.

I have skipped many funerals of deceased relatives and friends, and I have never regretted it for a minute.

I felt the same way about my parents. It was important to me to attend their funerals.

I didn't attend my step-parents due to living on opposite sides of the continent. But my parents, heck yeah.

I did not later attend my mother's funeral and I'm glad. Mormons don't treat non-believers well at any mormon events. Toxic situations are hurtful and no one must be subjected to abuse when they know how to avoid it.

You only have to make up one excuse for the first funeral. When the second parent dies they will never know you were not there but they will know if you came to the funeral of the other parent. And it's very possible that dementia may set in before either dies and neither will know or remember anything. Play it by ear when the time gets closer.

I am never attending a wedding or a funeral for the rest of my life i decided.

jett Wrote:
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> ... do I make up some flaky lie on funeral day? >

Lies aren't made up. That's the truth!

You won't need to. Death will do it just fine. It does it all the time.

jett Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Do I
> flat out tell them? Or do I make up some flaky
> lie on funeral day?

Tell them you will hold your own proxy funeral for them in a bar and have a drink for the dead.

If it's truly a Mormon funeral, it won't be about them, anyway. It will be a time for proselytizing and recruitment.

Right. You are just skipping their sacraments for their dead. It isn't about the deceased with Mormons but what the dead can do for them.

Mormonism is DEAD? (It IS Dead Wrong)

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

M@t