I just created a Reddit account because I didn't know who else to turn to other then the people on the internet. So I am sorry if this is not the place for this or I am looking like an idiot. A quick sum up of my life. I grew up pretty not religious most of my life but met Sister Missionaries while I was going to school. Through a series of events I decided to join the church. After a little under two years I had the conviction to serve as a missionary. During that two years, through sources provided to me from others and ones I searched out on my own, my testimony completely took a nose dive and was destroyed ( the CESletter was the smoking gun). I went to my Mission President several times and he said if I went home I would be miserable for the rest of my life and be rebelling against God. So I stayed... because I felt like I had no other option other than sneaking out during the night which seemed dramatic. Now I am home, and without that life style I am don't know what to do. I am scared that if I leave I will be miserable forever but I don't see anyway that any of this true. Histories Joseph Smith is way different than the one the missionaries portrayed to me and I portrayed to others. The temple is by far the weirdest thing I have ever had to participate in and I don't agree with many of the policies of the church past and present. I am miserable and scared and I wanted advice from others who may have gone through this. I don't know what to do. Life looks scary not with knowing what the plan for everything is but I don't want to follow something that is not true. I don't even know what advice I am looking for but I know I need help in someway.

Yes you are in the right place! I must say that if you converted as an adult, your family of origin would probably be HAPPY if you left Mormonism. A lot of us have struggled with leaving because we were raised in Mormonism and our families have treated us like garbage over leaving. Relationships will never be the same as they once were.

If nothing else, there are a lot of experiences here to read about that will help you feel like you are not alone. Welcome!

I came here nearly 20 years ago as a "technical nevermo" (folks are Jack Mormons, and all my siblings were baptized except me).

I made Eagle Scout in an LDS ward; fell in love with a bishop's daughter in high school, watched all my friends go on missions, and tried to move forward but the issues run deep.

I encourage you to go slow, take "what fits" and realize it's not your fault the church isn't true.

The LDS Culture is a very toxic and dishonest one, but the "double bind" is there are a good many decent and caring sorts within the faith. Unfortunately, many lack boundaries, and pcan be problematic.

Think of going through life as crossing a stream by leaping from stone to stone. Some people have the personality type to stay stuck on one stone. Others have to keep moving. Being stuck on one thing isn’t exactly a virtue.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.” ― A.A. Milne

Don’t let them guilt trip you. If you want to serve people, do it on your terms, your way. To me, the church’s refusal to simply fess up about its past and move on represents a profound lack of humility that has no place in Christ’s church. You aren’t broken, they are.

Life is not a test. It’s an experience custom made for you. They foster neuroses in your mind to control you. Show me where in the Bible that Jesus condones thought control cults.

About your immediate concern, “what if it’s true”, don’t worry. It isn’t, because it’s quite impossible to be true, eight ways from Sunday. Mathematically, scientifically, logically it’s completely untenable. In no Universe can Mormonism be true, no matter how badly you want it to be. The whole charade is a testament to the blindness of ultra conservative group think.

No amount of sweet talking can change the facts. If your heart led you into Mormonism, trust that it knew what it was doing and let it lead you right back out.

What you’re going through won’t be easy. It may take years, but you’ll make it. You’ll be happy. You’ll feel freedom in a way you’ve never felt before, because freeing your mind in this way is a real accomplishment.

Thank you. That helped a ton

If the one chance in a billion that it's true pans out, you can take comfort that we all will be with you wherever we end up. We're mostly nice people, and fun and interesting too. :-D



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/15/2018 05:08PM by Jane Cannary.

What if it is true? Follow the money. How much goes to charity how much goes to investments? Book of Abraham for example has been proven false over and over again. Book of Mormon has been changed many times. Temple ceremonies have also been changed. If god is the never changing today, yesterday and tomorrow how come the lds church changes?

Many of us devoted our "entire" life to the LDS church. I was about 47 when I realized I no longer believed. It was then that my exmormon therapist directed me here as I was afraid to no longer wear garments and I was afraid of giving out my secret temple name, which is Lucy. That was 13 years ago.

I married someone gay on the advice of lds leaders. I won't go into the whole story again as it is all over this board. The trauma I experienced because of all this is what alerted me to MAYBE I WAS WRONG about the LDS church.

I can't tell you how much better life is now. My gay ex and I are good friends. My boyfriend is the nonmormon I dated at age 20 and didn't marry because he wasn't mormon. He came back into my life when I was 48. I never thought he'd get divorced as he had been married for 26 years. In fact, our mormon boss who we had worked for in our 20s is the one who got us back together. He never could figure out why I passed up on this guy all those years ago.

Take the leap. You'll never regret it. Take a vacation from mormonism for a while. Don't try to figure it all out today, but if you stop going to church, it dies off. it may take a while, but it does go away, the indoctrination goes away.

call yourself lucky, you weren't born into this cult. Cut your ties to Mormonism and live the life you deserve. Mormonsim has damaged you and now you are stuck with this trauma. Don't reply to any communication attempts from the Mormons and don't ask them any questions because that will open a conversation.

If you have a peephole use it, because if you are not expecting a guest, don't even answer your door, it could be a cult member.


I was born a Mormon and any Mormon themed conversation with a current Mormon will cause me to have a panic attack.


If you have anxiety from a few years in this church, imagine what a lifetime exmember is going though.

>>I went to my Mission President several times and he said if I went home I would be miserable for the rest of my life...

What kind of person would ever say that to someone else? Who has the power (or the arrogance) to make that kind of prediction? You would never say that to a young person who quit college, or quit a job, or any number of other things. Why would you say that to someone who decided that their stint as a *volunteer* was over?

>>Now I am home, and without that life style I am don't know what to do.

The transition from being a Mormon missionary to coming home is often a difficult one. Be patient with yourself, and give yourself the gift of time.

>>I am scared that if I leave I will be miserable forever...

You already know that the church is not true. Why would you be miserable if you left? You can build a good life for yourself without the Mormon church. In time, if you wish, look into one of the mainstream Christian churches (i.e. Episcopal, ELCA Lutheran, UMC Methodist, etc.) They would provide a faith community for you but would not be abusive. Or realize that plenty of people live meaningful and happy lives without religion.

>>The temple is by far the weirdest thing I have ever had to participate in and I don't agree with many of the policies of the church past and present.

The temple endowment is based on Masonic rituals. Joseph Smith was a Mason. I agree with you about church policies. The policies are often unfair and even unchristian.

We are here for you. Post whenever you wish. Welcome to our community.

Everything you read here will be helpful.
I'll add my 2 cents.

What if it's true? (It isn't but follow . . . .)

Think about it. According to the Mormon plan, Jesus comes Earth to save us all. For what? Oh, yes, from death. If we believe in him we will get eternal life.

Except that he got mad and took his plan away and screwed everyone over for 1800 years. Then decides it's time to give another chance. So he picks Joseph Smith who tells his followers of the next 160 years that it's their job to pay tithing so they can go to the temple and try to get those 1800 years worth of people reinstated through genealogy. But he sort of forgot to include 1800 years worth Asians and Africans (to say nothing of the billions of humans who came before for whom there are no records) and leaves it up to people like you to pay your own way to go try to convert them second hand. Pretty damned inefficient, huh?

Make no mistake. The Church's main beneficiaries are the leaders and the leaders' cousins and brothers-in-law who make handsome salaries either directly through stipends or through fat contracts to build ward houses, temples, malls or sell garments, Missionary trinkets, or temple clothing or make money in any number of ways as long as they stay faithful. Oh, and getting tax exempt status to boot, while amassing a fortune in business opportunities.

Stick around here. The more you learn the angrier you will be but the happier you will be for being smart enough to find your way out.

I didn't have much of a plan either after leaving i just knew i had to try to make it on my own. The religion was hurting me more than it was helping me so i had no choice but to wipe the slate clean and try. It ain't easy and that is all i got to say. Quitting cigarettes was a cakewalk compared to quitting a cult. Sir david the bard youtube videos helped me a lot through the scary and dark times. Maybe try those.

Think of yourself as having entered into a marriage covenant with a serial con artist for a lover. You were duped. Your heart may feel heavy with conflict, but you were made for better things.

The Mormon church is a cult who controls your thoughts, actions, and entire life if you let it. Be glad you weren't born into it. It's still toxic no matter your age when you joined.

But you're here now, after your shelf began unraveling - like many others just like yourself.

Your questions, doubts, and misgivings are completely justified.

It takes time to extricate yourself from a cult you've devoted your life to. You feel cheated because you were.