I wished my dad a happy Father's Day via text this morning. He was at church and he responded with 'thanks so much...the primary just sang I'm so glad when daddy comes home and it brought back fond memories'.

Ugh why did he have to respond with something tssc related?? Sounds sweet enough on the surface, right? Except....

-my Ultra TBM father has never treated his adult daughters like adults, so this was a trigger for me.

-he has treated me like crap over his beloved 'religion'. Said to me when I was 18, 'if you live under MY roof you are REQUIRED to attend church'

-his comment just reaffirms to me that he still wants his little daughters running around and climbing upon his knee

-that song is outdated A.F. Daddy isn't the only one who brings home the bacon anymore and that stupid song is a reference to him coming home from work.

That’s sooooooo Mormon!

My Dad’s been gone many years. I still can’t figure a lot of him out. But, in his honor, I’m going to have a beer and say outloud what a good man he was. I’m doing this because one of my big regrets, as a Mormon, was I couldn’t do something so simple as drink a beer with my Dad.

You reminded me of a great memory from when my dad was still living. He didn't like Mormonism, didn't believe any of it, and was upset we joined it. I regret that I never got the chance to tell him he was right. But.....

On a road trip with him we stopped for a snack of beer and salami. I was a newly minted Mormon and refused the beer. He coaxed me into tasting the salami and then washing it down with "just a sip" of beer. He was right! They taste great together. Now I occasionally drink beer and always remember dear old dad.

That is such a sweet story.

When I was a kid, my dad sometimes offered me a sip of his beer (which I always took.) I don't think I really "got" beer at that point, but I loved the gesture.

I just sat on my brother's deck this afternoon and enjoyed a beer with him. He has been immensely important in my life given that my dad died when I was 14 and my mom was not able to continue raising me at that point. My brother, in his 20s, took over. He has been the most constant, most influential person in my life.

Beer is such a simple pleasure. I can't imagine any religion demonizing it.

BYU Boner Wrote:
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> That’s sooooooo Mormon!
>
> My Dad’s been gone many years. I still can’t
> figure a lot of him out. But, in his honor, I’m
> going to have a beer and say outloud what a good
> man he was. I’m doing this because one of my big
> regrets, as a Mormon, was I couldn’t do
> something so simple as drink a beer with my Dad.

I have posted before about the inability of forming adult relationships with Mo parents and the necessity to keep distances for sanity's sake. I am lucky that in marrying a NeverMo I removed removed my eventual kids from Mormon influences.

This was brought out on the night of my son's eighteenth birthday(legal drinking age in Australia)when he proudly took his dad up to the bar of our holiday resort to buy his first legal drink for him . Father-son bonding in a gentle , genuine way.His dad was deeply touched.

I understand completely. This is why i don't acknowledge birthdays or holidays anymore. For this EXACT reason. Triggers the crap out of me.

bluebutterfly Wrote:
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> I wished my dad a happy Father's Day via text this
> morning. He was at church and he responded with
> 'thanks so much...the primary just sang I'm so
> glad when daddy comes home and it brought back
> fond memories'.

Back when his patriarchal grip was stronger. Election dysfunction is the bane of every aging Mormon man who hasn't had a high calling....

There is a cure for ED but it usually requires a high calling/connections.

"Those who participate in this ordinance are said to have their "calling and election made sure", and their celestial marriage "sealed by the holy spirit of promise". They are said to have received the "more sure word of prophecy"."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_anointing

One of the tasks of being an adult is renegotiating your relationship with your parents. I will be the first to say that it is not always an easy or smooth task. But it is necessary that you try (where a good relationship is possible.)

Your first bullet of your father not treating adult daughters like adults is the same for me - only it's that way with my mother. When I still lived with her I still felt like a kid, and still do sometimes. It's like some parents can't stand to see their kids are actually growing up.

P.S. I haven't lived with her for three years now.

lazylizard Wrote:
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> Your first bullet of your father not treating
> adult daughters like adults is the same for me -
> only it's that way with my mother. When I still
> lived with her I still felt like a kid, and still
> do sometimes. It's like some parents can't stand
> to see their kids are actually growing up.
>
> P.S. I haven't lived with her for three years now.

My father will never see me as an adult.

Someone once said to me that they didn't feel like an adult until their parents died. I get it. No matter how old you are, your parents will always see you as their child.

I had a very difficult relationship with my mom and went through lots of therapy to try and gain better coping skills. I'd feel very mature until spending time with my mom. She never learned how to communicate and would treat me like a three year old child when she was angry. I learned much too late that it was best to spend very little time with her although I loved her very much. If I could live my life over again I would have spent much less time with her and more with my friends and enjoying my life.

If you have a difficult relationship with your parents, take my advice: spend little time with them and don't expect anything. They will never change.