Posted by:
Jamie
(
)
Date: June 22, 2018 04:16PM
All of my life, I was told to be an “example of the believers.” I also felt an even stronger sense of responsibility because I’m a black Mormon and since there are so few of us, I need to represent my race and religion well.
I work with a lot of non-Members and I talk to my non-Member birth family a lot, but I never talk about the Church. I drink coffee and dress kind of punk-ish (?) and I’m not very conservative.
I’m happier, but I constantly feel this endless guilt under it all because I’m not being a good example to the non-Members around me and I’m probably an embarrassment. I feel like I’m failing my life mission. I was taken from a bad situation and adopted into a white, Mormon family and given a good home and lots of opportunity, but now I’m turning my back on everything. I feel like a slacker/loser/failure even though I don’t fully believe in Mormonism anymore. This cognitive dissonance sucks.