Mother Who Knows
Date: July 11, 2018 05:14PM
You came to the right place! Welcome!
All this is great advice!
I have many stories of many ex-Mormon friends and relatives who have treated their children in different ways. To sum up, the outcome is much better if you tell your children the truth!
You can tell your children any way you feel is best. I think that, first, you need to LISTEN to them!
That's what I did. I asked them how they felt about church (In our case, I asked them specifically why they they were begging me to stay home from church). I told them they could say anything they wanted, and I would understand. It turned out that the church leaders had threatened my children not to tell some things. Other children in the ward were bullied into silence, too. Indeed, the Mormons try to take over the role of parents. The troubles happened when the kids were separated from the parents. Please listen to the advice of the posters who warn you not to let your children have private interviews with Mormon adults. They're not qualified. Their authority is fake.
When my children described the physical abuse they suffered, it was a shock, and my gut-response was natural and honest: "You never have to go to church again!" Whatever would happen socially, and whatever belief in Christ and God we still had, would be addressed later. I had to get my children out of that abusive cult, immediately. When I said that, they cried for joy!
My sons confessed that they never did believe the Joseph Smith stories, and they had always resented the racism and elitism. ("Why isn't Mother Theresa in the Celestial Kingdom? Why aren't we a "forever family"?) They were leaders, and were OK with being ostracized by the Mormons. They were also good looking, good students, and good at sports, so they had those advantages.
My daughters were pretty, but they were shy, and were younger, ages 10 and 12, when we resigned together. They played with the Mormons in the neighborhood, but were socially ostracized in high school because they didn't attend seminary. One daughter fought off the arrogant seminary president, who ambushed her in a deserted hallway at school, and grabbed her kissed her by force, and she punched him in the stomach, hard, and ran. It was her first kiss, poor girl. The boy spread rumors around the school that she slept around, but soon people realized that the boy was lying, and that my daughter was a good person. She married the best boy in that school, IMO, who lived next door to us. He is an RM, and I had to pay thousands of dollars in tithing money to see them married in the temple. They have children, raised as Mormons, and they live right around the corner. My daughter is happy, but she tells me that she is an Atheist at heart. Her husband does his calling, but they go to church half the time, and they never have returned to the temple. I teach all my grandchildren about natural science, evolution, astronomy and basic physics, and already they are too inquisitive to be good Morgbots. They're working things through, and I've never regretted giving my children their choices.
A lot of the Mormon kids in our neighborhood were sleazy and underhanded, and would pretend to be superior. They would lie to their parents, and have sex, drink at parties, and by high school, many of them were into drugs. They had money for drugs, and didn't have to work, like my kids did, like I did. I think my lack of prestige as a then-divorced woman, and my having to work outside the home, would have caused us to be marginalized, anyway! Both my sons made lifetime non-Mormon friends in school. They married decent, genuine non-Mormon girls, and they aren't going to raise their babies to be Mormons.
This was over 12 years ago. I can give you this advice:
--Put your children first, whereas Mormons are told to put the cult first.
--Respect your children. Listen to them. They are wiser than brainwashed adults.
--Love them unconditionally. Nelson and the Mormons preach against this. When in doubt, act from pure unconditional love, and you will do well.
--Responsible parents are bound to teach their children the truth! Human beings need to know the REALITIES that they are dealing with, in order to adapt and survive in this world.
--If you are loving, respectful, and honest with your children, they will treat you likewise, in return.
Another thing to consider is that it is harmful to children to have parents who fight all the time--worse than if the parents get an amicable divorce. You and your husband need to reach an agreement or a respectful agree-to-dis-agreement.
You can succeed in your ongoing battle with the Mormon cult. Don't give Mormons power over you.
Just keep your eye on what you want for your children.
I do have examples of parents who kept on pretending to be faithful Mormons, and lying and pretending does not end well!
A couple of BYU professors knew their jobs depended on their being faithful Mormons. The wife knew it was a hoax, the first time she went through the temple, and her husband studied his way out, but they told only a few people, including me, and decided to keep it a secret from even their own children. Their very intelligent children saw through the Mormon lies from the beginning, and soon realized their own parents had been lying to them. The kids graduated from BYU, and rebelled, and left home, and got into all kinds of trouble, but the parents kept their pretense and their jobs, to the end. All four of the kids cheated on their spouses and got divorced, one abandoned his children, one is back on drugs, last I heard. They are not happy.
I know that if I had stayed a Mormon, and if I had lied to my children, that my children would never have opened up to me, or trusted me. We have always stood by each other, helped each other, loved each other, and are still doing this.