How would I go about proving/disproving them? I saw them on T-shirts.
I don't know how the people of St. George can stand the heat, the Indians, the snakes & the flooding Virgin River. If I had a house in St. George & a house in hell, I'd rent out the one in St. George & move straight to hell. J. Golden Kimball
Young men, always marry a woman from Sanpete county. No matter what hard times you experience together, she has seen worse. J. Golden Kimball
Brigham City: This city looks like hell. You need to clean things up. Mow the grass. Paint your house & barns. And you sisters, you could stand a little paint yourselves. J. Golden Kimball
Absolutely! I haven two books and a set od tapes about him.
He was a Mule skinner before he was a GA. He was a polygamous son of ol' Hebert C. He also said of himself "xx brothers and sisters, and not a bastard among em!"
He was a very colorful GA and could out swear any man and often did. Even in stake conferences. He said swearing was the only proper way to talk to a mule, the only way they could understand what you wanted and to get their attention. It has been a long time since I've read them, so I would have to go re read and will post more about him later.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/10/2011 10:41AM by foundoubt.
"Oh, hell Heber, I can't read your writing!" (Pres. Grant had slipped him a note in Stake Conf. in St. George just as J. Golden got up to speak telling him to tone down his language.)
On J. Golden's opinion of the southern states "The Lord ought to burn it down and preach to the dead."
Original quote was by Gen. Philip H. Sheridan (USA), "If I owned two plantations and one was located in Texas and the other one was in hell, I'd rent out the one in Texas and live on the other one."
"He was well known for swearing good naturedly from the pulpit, sprinkling "damns" and "hells" into his speeches...Asked how he could get away with the way he spoke, Elder Kimball is said to have replied: Hell, they can't excommunicate me. I repent too damned fast."
After some of his talks became too colorful, the other GA's decided they would be pre written and pre approved. The first J. Golden gave one of those talks, he threw down the manuscript in the middle of it and said. "Hell, I can't read this damn stuff" and proceeded to talk off the cuff.
Caught drinking coffee someone said to him "I would rather commit adultery than drink coffee" He said "hell, who wouldn't?"
There is a book of these at our library, Golden's great grandson collected the sayings.
One more, with other apostles at breakfast he had a bad cold, the waitress offerred JGolden coffee with whiskey in it. Everybody knew he was tempted by coffee. But he politely said no, but then asked "miss, could you put the whiskey in some postum?"
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/10/2011 06:09PM by roflmao.
He was so funny, this is from memory, but pretty much it goes this way.
JGolden is touring a distinguished visitor around Salt Lake and at every building the men ask how long it took the mormons to build the different buildings, and always replies that where he is from they could build them faster.
When they arrive at the temple and they ask how long it took to build the Salt Lake Temple. JGolden said "damned if I know, it wasn't here yesterday!"
My favorite. Golden is inspecting land in Wyoming with Heber J. They come to a stream and Heber suggests they'd better try to get around it. "Why that's nothing...I could pee across that." "You're out of order," Heber responds. "Of course I am," agrees Golden. "If I wasn't I could pee twice as far."
Here, supposedly, is the actual conversation. It wasn't clear who was relating it:
J. Golden and some of the Brethren were up in Lymon, Wyoming, I believe it was; and were going to build a bridge across a river -- it really wasn't much of a stream of water. J. Golden remarked, "Why I can piss that much."
President Grant said to him, "Brother Kimball, you're out of order!"
J. Golden replied, "Yes, and if I wasn't out of order I could piss more than that!"
I remember one time telling a J Golden story to my dad that involved goddamn. My dad said "yes J Golden cussed, but he never took the lord's name in vain."
Later I found out that Goddamn the word he used far more than any other cuss word.
He is still one of my heroes. I'd still attend General Conference if he were there.
“I don't know about this here eternal marriage business. But it seems to me that if you can't live with the sons-of-bitches on earth the Lord won't force you to remain with them in heaven.” ― J. Golden Kimball
I think he was one of the few sincere ones. The fact that he just spoke what was on his mind, and didn't worry about PR, or fitting into the mold speaks volumes about his character. J. Golden may have been the only honest man to ever bare the title of General Authority.
I think he was also the mission president on the south when a couple of missionaries got killed by the mainstream Christians down there. He went and cut them down from a tree at risk of his own life. When someone threatened to shoot Heber he told them to shoot away and then Heber cut the the missionaries down.
Not sure if it's a true story though.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/05/2013 06:56PM by extman.
It sounds like a standard Mormon myth. There have been a couple of missionaries killed in the south, specifically for being Mormon, but all the incidents I know of, the guys were shot.
Many decades ago, probably to help prepare for missions, they had 2 1/2 minute talks in sunday school. In this same time period everyone over 12 met together, had the sacrament, listened to 2 1/2 minute talks then went to class.
I was working on a ranch for the summer so I was a visitor to the ward. The bishop wanted me to talk. I said no. He was quite insistant for several weeks. I told him I didn't know what to say. So he said find your favorite general authority and read from one of his talks. (Wrong thing to say to an obstinste teenager)
So the next week he called me. I didn't budge. He called me again so I got up to the pulpit.
I said "I don't like speach making. The bishop insists I talk anyway. He said to quote my favorite general authority. I only can remember one. Grandpa told me about meeting brother Kimball. He said he preached a good sermon some years back."
In retrospect I bet most were thinking about Spencer Kimball.
I looked out over the congregation and in a loud voice said "Go to Hell!" They were quite stunned. Then I said "that's where you will all go if you don't change your ways! In the name of Jesus Christ Amen"
Upon his return he gave the report, good mountain grazing, nice pastures and a creek running through the bottom land. "How wide is the crick?" one of brethren asked. "Not too wide" J Golden replied, "I can pee half way cross it". With that President Grant said, "you're out of order Elder Kimball". To which J Golden replied, "your damn right about that, if I wasn't out of order I could pee all the way across".
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/05/2013 11:43PM by SLDrone.
The church in those days owned a lot of cattle and farms. Some might remember being tasked to work on the farms. Golden was rancher at heart. That is why he was so popular. He not only could speak to the farmers and ranchers he stood up for them as well. Highly respected.
Golden liked coffee. But he could not enjoy coffee in town as a GA. He'd go up the canyon with friends to brew some good cowboy coffee. His explanation was "The Word of Wisdom does not apply above 5000 feet"
Another time he was in the Tiffin Room (ZCMI restaurant in SLC had great halibut)
He ordered lunch and when asked what he wanted to drink he said "water".
His friend stopped the waitress and told her to bring Golden coffee instead.
When the waitress brougt coffee with his lunch he said "the Lord heard me say water"
He once said about Wyoming that it was very rough country, and that the men don't feel friendly unless you call them sons of bi+ches, or something like that.
(I'm trying to remember from when I heard the tapes once 14 years ago)