On occasion, when I need a good laugh, I'll turn on one of those end-time prophecy programs all over the Xtian TV stations. Found one last night and it didn't disappoint.

The guest was discussing Artificial Intelligence and soberly offered up the opinion that when the Singularity occurs and the robots awaken, demons will swoop in and possess them like 21st-century Gadarene swine and will then rampage throughout the land. That's right, we are going to see demon-possessed killer robots in the near future.

This same person also asserted that a U.S. general (unnamed, of course) told him that we had located and retrieved the DNA of… Gilgamesh! Yes, the U.S. military is in possession of the actual DNA of the historical Gilgamesh! Where is room for doubt? Man, the things you can learn from Xtian TV!

Fundie end-time bible babblers are loons.

No worries. I put anti-demon-possession circuits in all of my robots. Any demons who try to possess them immediately get flashed with christian cross images, which drives them right out. Technology to the rescue! <TFIC>

"Fundie end-time bible babblers are loons"

Yep. Unfortunately, there's no anti-end-time-bible babbler circuit.



Yet.

Mormons don't believe in crosses, so Mormons won't be saved from the robots. They are so doomed!

I have learned from Christian television that there were literal Giants roaming the Earth in Old Testament times, and they can prove it with the photos they took of Giant skeletons (photo-shopped).

Of course, the Smithsonian Institute is hiding the Giant skeletons from us. They don't want us to get scared...the Giants are due to return!

They are called the Nephilim. I remember when my Seminary teacher taught us that "Nephi" means "Giant". That's why in the BoM, Nephi says that he is "large in stature".

How did my Seminary teacher know?

Imagine having an AI robot, a tiny one, linked up with our 'mind', roaming your body to scratch every itch. Can you say "Thank you, Oh lords of science!"?

Just as long as you don't scratch your own itches, says Boyd.

What about the chronically depressed robots?

“Now the world has gone to bed
Darkness won’t engulf my head
I can see by infra-red
How I hate the night
Now I lay me down to sleep
Try to count electric sheep
Sweet dream wishes you can keep
How I hate the night” –Marvin

Note to Marvin: there are 42 sheep.

:)

A brain the size of a planet...

Depressed and super smart. Sounds like a golden convert. I’ll need contact info for the mishies.

Ah, yes, proof of end times; back in the '70's I picked up one of those little comic book style tracts that said Armageddon was just around the corner, and one of their proofs was a bible quote about fires burning for three days (or something like that), anyway, it said that soviet vehicles had body panels made out of some kind of compressed fiber board that would burn for....you guessed it....3 days!

These folks really did their research, except for the part about, well, Armageddon right around the corner.

Jack Chick!

My favorite tract is the one about evolution. And the Baal worshipping Catholics. In fact I think everyone who hasn’t prayed to their fundamentalist Christian God to have their sins removed is a Baal worshiper.

Ah, yes, such uplifting, spiritual, christian-love stuff Chick tracts are...

https://kgmadman.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/chick-tract-god.jpg