Posted by:
Nightingale
(
)
Date: August 16, 2018 03:25PM
Thank you, Heidi, for helping us gain insight. I'm sorry to read of your struggles.
It's amazing how uninformed we can be about situations we haven't personally experienced and how it easily leads to being insensitive, clueless, hurtful.
It's all too easy to think our experience is one common to all. Failing to realize or accept that this is not the case leads to a lot of the misunderstandings that abound between people, I feel. I was reading yesterday about challenges in our health care system here in Canada. As an example, someone said how difficult it is to find a family physician (an increasingly common frustration in our overloaded system as the practices of many GPs are full and we have a shortage of MDs). Someone else piped up to say "That's ridiculous. My GP retired and I found a new one in 30 minutes". OK. So that's *his* experience. Obviously, he didn't hear the part about all the people who are currently without a regular family doctor.
I thought it was a good example of how oblivious we can be to the realities of others even though on the surface they may seem to inhabit the same sphere as we do. Easy enough for me to say "life's great" while I'm lying in the sunshine at the ocean's edge during my six weeks of paid vacation from a job I love (in my dreams!). Well, maybe not so great for someone else without those benefits, and with unseen struggles, even though on the surface we're "the same".
It's a learning curve, steeper for some.
It really helps for people to share their reality with us. I appreciate it.
Careless platitudes can especially irk others, as you indicate. So easy to spout. But even a moment's thought may prevent us from doing so. I'm glad to say I've never uttered that particular one about a temporary problem. It seems obviously superficial and bound to be most unhelpful. I have learned, at long last, that it's OK to indicate that I don't know what to say at times.
I appreciated the thought from a minister I heard after the recent tragedy in Canada of four innocent people being shot to death, including two police officers. He was planning a vigil the day after and when asked what his address would be about he said the event was more about being together and not at all about him giving a sermon. He said it's a time of support when being there for each other was far more important than words.
I am reminded too of a new neighbour who is from a strife-ridden country at war. One morning when I happened to go over to visit she had just received word that a young nephew had been killed and his brother grievously wounded. She even showed me photos, which I wasn't expecting and they hit me upside the head. I could barely cope with it. (Talk of not using words - she showed me the pics because we don't share a common language - quickest way to communicate what was going on but oh, so tough to see, especially with no warning). There was nothing to say and I found it difficult to maintain composure. My eyes let me down as I teared up despite my best efforts. (Nurse's training always kicks in: stifle emotion - not necessary in social settings but ingrained). Gently she said "thank you", as if I had spoken. She knew I cared, without a word being needed, because of my silence and tears. That taught me a lot. As the minister after the shooting indicated, being there for each other is the primary thing, words not so much, at least in the immediate.
All the best to you, Heidi. I always notice your posts. I hope being back at work is helpful.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/16/2018 03:27PM by Nightingale.