I got a text from a former bishop friend, "I missed you in elders quorum." I have heard that kind of BS phrase a million times, but it got me wondering what it actually means and how I should respond.

Did he actually miss me? What specifically do I add to this pointless meeting? In fact, I have not attended in over six months, and for years before that I kept my mouth shut and sat by the door.

Maybe it's the mormon glow that I give off that just makes people love to be around me. That seems unlikely.

What is said during this weekly circle jerk that benefits me? All I hear is a constant repetition about how much we love people, how we need to serve, how great the church is, how we should not question or doubt, how we should stay away from anti mormon websites, the importance of obedience, how people cannot understand once the start to doubt because the spirit withdraws. blah, blah, blah. It's a repetitive brain wash.

As near as I can tell, "We missed you in elders quorum," means do what you are told. It is a passive aggressive attempt to bully you into submission while appearing to care. But it is the opposite of caring.

A caring text message would have been more along the lines, "How are you?"

Or even, "Why do you go to the office so much on Sunday... Is your job secure? "

If I dare to say that I am busy, his canned response will be that everyone is busy. There is simply no acceptable reason not to be there. But that is also odd to me. If I had a stake calling, then I could miss EQ with no questions asked. Why is it unimportant to attend then, but not otherwise. But I ramble...

I think I should either just ignore him or ask him if he really wants to know why I do not come. He has been a friend for years and I don't want to alienate him, but I think I am on the list now and the outreach will only get worse.

Thoughts?

What would be juicier is if you got that message after having attended that meeting!

And after hearing a gunshot, and feeling something whiz by your left ear...

It took me a moment to understand your post. At first I thought it was a Liberty jail reference...

Freak him out.

Text back.

"I was sitting right behind you"

If they really care about their church, why aren’t they asking questions? If your worldview is threatened by objective truth, it deserves to be blown apart.

No, they don’t miss you. They are minions following orders from their dear leader, the 93 year old hipster. Do something they don’t approve of and see how quickly you become the turd in the punch bowl.

yea totally

Tell him you were at a secret sunday meeting at the temple.

Receiving revelation from Jesus himself. I think they’ll leave you alone.

Supposedly second annointings are done on Sundays.

Oh my God... some of these answers are hilarious! I never would have thought of them.

Invite him to do whatever it is that you enjoy doing rather than sitting in the repetitive, boring, mindnumbing EQ circle.

Such as:

I head up to the mountains for a hike first thing Sunday morning. Would enjoy your company.

Sundays I sleep in, getting up when I choose, hop on my bike for a spin and when out buy fresh bagels. Care to join me?

good answers

"I missed you at church." They say it, because it's in the script.

It is meant to put you off guard, and start you apologizing and making excuses and feeling guilty about why you weren't there.

AS IF you were supposed to be there? "I missed you at the quilting marathon."

Once you are in the submissive position, the Mormon will hit you with their scripted spiel about how your life will be better, and you wouldn't have all your problems, if you just attended church. (I always say, "But...I don't have any bad problems.) Church solves all problems. Then they will bare their testimony at you.

No, they don't want to hear what you have to say, at all.

My friend always answers that statement with, "What, exactly, do you miss?" He will wait, and stare at the Mormon, until the Mormon has to come up with an answer!

Dude, you win the prize for giving me the answer that will help. It's about control and manipulation, isn't it?

How is it possible that I did not see that?

His comment irritated me, and it also put me on defense.

I do not need to explain anything to him, friend or otherwise, do I?

Thanks again for helping me grow my way out of this!

+100+

Text back:

I didn't miss you at all at the pool hall!


I attend Relief Society now. I was the new women in the purple dress.


You "missed" me or are you are really just trying to get people to attend?

Best reply ever.

When a neighbor of mine pulled that stunt on me, I stopped her dead in her tracks. We were both at a baby shower. I hadn't been to church in months. When she saw me she said, "I've missed you!" I looked her straight in the eye and said, "I haven't moved." Boy, howdy, she got all flustered and admitted she was a "bad" neighbor, trying to deflect from the fact that her unspoken part of her "missing me" was "at church".

There is always "I didn't miss you, I was ___________ (fill in the blank)."

Usually something short is the best, "Thanks". That will usually end the texts.

danr Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Usually something short is the best, "Thanks".
> That will usually end the texts.


Not necessarily true or a good idea.

All it does is open the door a little wider.
That is ONE THING you don't want is a wider LDS door

Better to: (1) Not Respond, or (2) Respond with something TRUE [I/ We don't/ didn't 'miss you'/ (mormoni-LDS) "church"], OUTRAGEOUS, UNbelievABLE or WILD he'd never forget. In other words, give him TMI, more than he bargained for. More than - yet EXACTLY - what he asked for.

It'd teach him to ever insincerely CARE, or "miss" me again.

I'd SHOW HIM who is doing the ministering around here!

M@t

Cynical me. When the Bishop says he misses me, I hear "I sure miss your tithing envelope."

I had neighbors say they missed me at church (before they knew I had resigned), and I usually just said, well, you know where I live and you're welcome to come on over anytime. They never really had an answer for that. Mostly because it isn't about actually seeing you, it's about trying to make you feel guilty and manipulate you.

"We missed you elder's quorum," actually translates to "Tsk TSK!"

Remember... any time someone from church sends you an Email... they 'opened the door' to communication.
That puts you in the perfect position to reply with information they need, but weren't expecting to receive.

Therefore, you can send something non-offensive, but unexpected.

EQ President says, "I missed you at church, today."
You reply, "I was reading the 'CES Letter PDF'."

If he says, why are to telling me that?
You say, "Well... you Emailed me."

If he doesn't know what the 'CES Letter PDF' is, his curiosity will get the better of him and he'll Google it. (It could happen.)

Reply: OK

When my hubby quit attending, I was bombarded with, where's Brother Dorothy? Tell him we miss him! This exchange happened 10 to 20 times per Sunday.

I finally bore my testimony about the trials of having an inactive spouse just to make the question and comment stop. After that, I'd say very bluntly, He's inactive.

Maybe, "I don't attend."

How about, Yep, 'tis true, I wasn't there. (just leave him hanging and offer no more info)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/27/2018 12:13PM by presleynfactsrock.

He's a lousy shot.

After we stopped going to church, before we resigned, a family in the ward had a family member pass away. We heard about it and sent flowers to the family. We received a thank you card in the mail from the mother, which was nice; we really didn't expect them to do that. But in the card was the inevitable statement: We miss you so much; please come back to church!"

Point this out to them and they'll deny it because the insult is hiding behind passive aggressive wording.

If it's in person, look surprised, and then say,
"What?? You mean you are STILL going to those boring meetings? What on earth for? Haven't you got anything better to do? As for me, my time is too valuable..."

"It took you six months to notice?"

I've never known a bishop to attend Elder's quorum. He should be with the Priests.

Hahahahaha, you're joking right?

...former bishop...

Thanks

You don't really want me in Elders Quorum, I would only point out all the doctrinal problems during the lesson.

Tell him you've been translated.

I just flash my rolex and tell them I've prospered more since I stopped going to church and quit paying tithing.

My experience has been slightly different. I experienced a debilitating injury that nobody knew about, nobody asked about, nobody visited about, nobody offerred to bring the sacrament, etc. i wanted to feel sorry for myself, but the. I realized, I’m FREE!

Its possible they didn’t even know I existed, then it dawned on me ... perhaps, I am just super-loved by the Fazzia, perhaps, I just don’t need any growth opportunities after-all we are called to serve in positions because we “need to learn something”. I’m thinking, I must have it all mastered cause my absence went unnoticed.

Wait, did I have a second anointing? I don’t remember having one. It’s been so long, now, I wouldn’t serve if asked.

"Hey, sorry but I'm just not that into you. We can still be friends though"

Visitors Welcome Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Hey, sorry but I'm just not [at all] that into you. We can
> [maybe] still be friends though"

That could end, well, SOON, hopefully. lol

"Yeah, and I missed you at the Antifa meeting. You were supposed to bring the cocktails."

Say, "When you have/ know the 'truth', you no longer want/ need/ like/ care for (have a taste for)/ TOLERATE Mormonism/ LDScultURE/'church'/ BS"!

Worded right, this is all you'll need to say. They could always invite me/ you to say more/ respond [IF I even responded in the first place]. I'd make points!

I'd berry my testimony that you've got to pick fruit when it's ripe. LDS (mal)functions to serve rotten fruit [repetitive 'meetings' (about nothing) +]. TMC is the mud. I am/ we are the lotus.

I'm NOT JUST another pretty face, and a GREAT XXX/nON-mormON, and realist, but a tester (don't wan't to/ CAN'T test me) and a jester. I wouldn't let it fester... unless I was Lester.

They missed tHIs [fiddle minger] in the grove of "missing" trees....

They missed your body, not your soul... or (a piece of) your mind.

M@t

If he's genuinely a friend, this is how I would respond --

"Honestly, I don't miss the EQ meetings. If you'd like to get together outside of church, give me a call. But be advised I have zero interest in being turned into a church project."

Facebook is also a good place to keep up with people whom you like, but don't expect to see very often (or never.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/28/2018 05:42AM by summer.

Yeah, that "I missed you in eq" may have arisen because you were gossiped about in that eq.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/28/2018 08:28AM by Aquarius123.

Yep. I have turned into a project. I am now an item on the agenda. They will start to discuss what offended me, if I have been reading anti material, if I am addicted to porn, whatever.

Welcome to the other side. I regard this as the downward slope on my ride out of Mormonism.

Maybe he missed you because he was the only one there.

(Hey. One can dream.)

A similar thing has happened to me:

A few years ago I started going with my (uber-TBM) sister to her book club. It was all Mormons. I should've known better. But anyway, I did enjoy socializing with a few of the women. After awhile I realized they just talk about church stuff (there was even a garment discussion!) and they spent maybe 5-10 minutes talking about the book of the month. So I stopped going. I didn't like all the church talk, some of the women I really did not like, and I was reading books (of other people's choosing) that I just didn't like...there were only a few I did enjoy. There are so many books on my own to-read list that I didn't want to waste my valuable time reading other people's picks.

A few of the women I already knew, but most of them I didn't. (I haven't been to church in 20 years). None of the strangers tried to get to know me at all. Not even a question about what I do for a living or what my hobbies are, nada. So a few months go by after I stopped going and I run into one of the ladies at Target and she gives me the weirdest robot-like sideways look and says, 'we've missed you'. It caught me off guard and I probably said I've been too busy or something. But I started thinking wtf, why does she 'miss' me? She doesn't know anything about me. And, btw, some of the women in their group are so hyper and loud-mouthed that most people there can't get a word in. I hardly was in the 'conversation' at all anyway. But I was basically hanging out with the relief society women (in their 30's) and I was looked at as a reactivation project! My snake of a sister was behind all of it.

Their ploys are very formulated...

I missed you also, The reason that you missed me was that I wasn't there

Seattle First Ward, early 70's:

one elderly 'sister' gets up & F & Testimonkey mtg. & says she loves her husband (same age group) 'Even tho he's ONLY AN ELDER'!


It's been AGES since I stepped inside a Mormon building or attended; have they DITCHED the 'distinction' between HPs & Elders?


It never made sense to me, a Total Blank-Out.

Missed you in EQ = When can I expect to settle up with you re: 10% extortion fee?