After leaving Pres Rusty's Corp. -LDS church- I really just wanted to stay friends with some of my old church buddies but for reasons unknown it just doesn't work.

I am friends with others from different religions with no problems so what is the difference?

Because you left a cult, not a normal religion.

Because now the TBM's look down on you. They think you are a bad person for leaving, and it shows outwardly or subtly. They also may feel that it is their job to reconvert you to save your soul. They are convinced that their way is the ONLY way.

I think it depends on what the friendship was built upon in the first place. I have stayed very close to my best friend from high school (40 years ago). He's gone from bishop to stake president. My leaving has never been an issue between us. One of the reasons is because we've too much to talk about when we do see each other, the Mormon church rarely comes up. I live in a very sparsely Mormon populated area of the country, so it might be a different story in the Mormon corridor.

We were shunned, but recently have had old friends reach out to us who realized that we were wonderful friends to them, (and they to us) when we were members.

One approached me and said that it doesn't matter--he still loves me.

The ones who turn their heads, make some snide comment, and waddle off, didn't really know us very well.

It's just hard to see our friends with their garments showing barely at the neckline, knowing they're still duped. That's the hard part--wanting to get them out of the TSCC.

They do. Well, the ones who were actually your friends do. That's really one of the good things about leaving. You find out who your friends really are and who was just your cult associate. I have three friends who were all very active TBM when I left who stayed in close touch with me and never judged me. One has since left the church--a move that shocked the hell outta me, I never saw that one coming. Another one has become a very liberal active mormon. So maybe they had a better sense of themselves to begin with.

Of course, it's been 17 years since I left, but I lived in Provo area when I did, so there were a lot of severed relationships. But I can honestly say there are exactly zero mormons who I no longer have contact with that I miss.

NormaRae Wrote:
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> They do. Well, the ones who were actually your
> friends do. That's really one of the good things
> about leaving. You find out who your friends
> really are and who was just your cult associate.

That was my experience, too.
I'm still in close contact with 3 of my teenage-mormon-years friends. Those 3 don't care that I've left, they're still friends.
The rest...long gone, lost in the depths of their feelings of superiority over drinking the kool-aid that I poured out on the ground.

Because LDS are stuck in perpetual Junior High. The nerds don’t eat at the same table as the jocks, for example.

“Alan I can’t be your friend anymore. You’ve gone over to Satan’s side.”

They’re afraid they’ll get detention.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by this term "friend" as the beloved Correlation program has basically sacredly programmed me to believe that all the people out there are "assimilation targets". Thus all my interactions is supposed to be focused on getting everyone fully assimilated into [long]ism.

Oh btw when you are assimilated then don't forget to get all the people you know assimilated and make sure you have tons of children so that the precious spirits in Heaven can be sent down into covenant families where as children they'll have plenty of worthiness interviews with Bishops and other blessings of our wondrous gospel instead of being born into families of the wicked, like the apostates on this board who don't have super strong testimonies that the Church is true, i.e. the most honest/transparent organization out there.

The Mormon church is the most important thing in Mormon lives. It is the main source of their self esteem. By leaving you have made a statement that the Mormon church is unimportant, even unacceptable. Entertaining the thought that your point may be valid would shake their foundation to the core. So their fragile egos require that you be mistaken, misguided, led astray, weak, and sinful. Otherwise they might have to concede that you have a point or that your reasoning on the subject is worth consideration.

Not a good basis for a continued friendship.

Many exceptions to the rule I hear of. Haven't seen them myself.

I have no idea what the majority of my friends religious views are. Never comes up. They don't have any thing to do with friendship.

I've stayed close friends with a couple of TBMs. The key, for us, is never to mention Mormonism.

And just as I was typing the code for my not logged in status, I thought of more. My old camp leader was my good friend until she died last summer. My old coworkers at Thiokol are still my friends. They are all older men. Some have died, but were still my friends when they died. My best friend is still my friend, though we had some problems when she first found out I don't believe. When I quoted that article of faith to her, it stopped her preaching to me and we've done fine since.

My daughter is sometimes my friend, sometimes not. The board knows! She comes home from Alaska tomorrow. I have purposely not allowed her to push my buttons, though she has tried. I don't think she knows she does it. My therapist and I have been working on this issue as I NEED my daughter and I believe she needs me.

I've actually made some friends in this ward since I went inactive/nonbelieving. One I am very close to and she is about as mormon as they come, but she feels I understand her much better than mormons do.

Every now and then on fb, I get a friend request from someone from my past and they ask how I'm doing. It happened just yesterday. I always tell these people I am no longer mormon and then I never hear another thing from them. I find it hilarious.

I never had friends in the church, but assigned acquaintances.

Yes, it is puzzling. I think we threaten them.

I went to an institute talk that was open to the community. My "ex" friend who is Mormon didn't say "hello" and welcome me to the event. She glared and asked, "How did you find out about this?" Very obviously the "open to the community" designation was just for show. They only wanted TBM audience. Most decidedly they did not want an ex-Mormons. LDS,Inc. is synonymous with disingenuous.

Hi Alan, i’m going to add to your how comes—

1. How come my BYU college roommate told me he couldn’t be a friend because I left Mormonism?

2. How come the best man at my wedding no longer has time to have lunch with me?

3. How come my BIL takes any conversation and hijacks it into a church talk?

4. How come after a three-hour conversation about Greek philosophy, a Mormon philosopher can’t invite me to the SLC Greek Theater?

5. How come my TBM wife tells me we’re no longer married because I submitted my resignation papers?

Because, they’re in a controlling mind-fuck cult.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/20/2018 11:34PM by BYU Boner.

Amen boner and I am sorry. I need more supportive friends in this town but I just don't have any.

The person closest to me (besides my spouse) is my ultra-TBM temple married sister. We never talk about mormonism whatsoever. She might make a reference to a friend...and she'll mention that they're from church, but that's it. I find it a rarity, though. All former LDS 'friends' are either fake around me, act holier than thou, or don't talk to me. I'm okay with that too! Fortunately I've always had loads of non-LDS friends and I married a nevermo.

My ultra-TBM parents and other sister, though....those are strained relationships and I feel like I have to put up with them. And it sucks because they are narcissists too.

The members don't even stay friends with other members when they divide the wards. I hate ward boundary friends....One week they are dear friends....1 or 2 weeks later after they divide wards , it's like you don't even EXIST !!! Even when you put for the effort, 9 X's out of 10....they don't reciprocate ! You just become invisible. You can pur forth a ton of effort to keep the relationship going, but pretty soon ya realize they don't really care.

CORRUPTION Man CORRUPTION!!!!!

Because you are a financial risk now to the corporation.

Of course they do stay friends with Non-LDS -- However they ditch ""EXED--LDS"" immediately -- in case they might catch something !!

JB