Hi guys!
It's been a while since I've posted anything to this board but I still frequent it quite a bit. Has anyone here had any luck with going to therapy after leaving mormonism? I feel like I could really benefit from it because of multiple things that happened to me with the church but also some personal stuff as well. Were you able to find anyone that worked for you? My main concern is cost... I have a very high deductible so that would definitely play a big part in if I could actually find a therapist or not.

Therapy literally CHANGED me into someone that has some confidence. Ask anyone here my mind was all over the place and it was a mess. It helps a ton to be with a counselor every week for two years straight now. My uncle has said that my real old self is starting to emerge again. I highly recommend especially if you had trauma and have PTSD issues.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/24/2018 10:16PM by badam2.

Good for you, Adam. It seems like you have mellowed a lot from the always enraged, hard-cussin' guy you used to be.

I would probably still be seeing my counselor - the best one I ever found, if only for an emotional tune-up now and again, if she hadn't died a couple of years ago. She was marvelous.

I am not even the same person anymore. That's how mellow I have gotten in comparison. I am not going to say I am fixed or anything though because I do not believe that I am. It feels like my brain is growing into adulthood as my psychologist predicted it would.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/24/2018 11:53PM by badam2.

I think therapy is good for anyone and just about a necessity for some.

Those recovering from Mormonism May often fall into the latter camp. I’ve been seeing a therapist for 12 years, although they’ve been different, and the one I currently see is a psychiatrist.

Issues resulting from Mormonism directly have been much of the content of our sessions- although less so as time goes on. Today he and I talked about meaning- about how growing up there was a very clearly defined prescription for what was considered meaningful in TSSC, including missions, marriage, BYU, lots of kids, financial prosperity, etc. Everyone here knows what I mean.

Well, none of that happened for me, I was expelled from SVU for drug use, I spent the years I might’ve served a mission in rehab, and my Mormon girlfriend broke up with me.

So where do I find meaning now? Even when these events have sometimes transpired over a decade ago, they still loom large in my heart and head, despite my profound disbelief in the truth of the church.

These are the kinds of things I don’t think I’d be able to work through without a therapist, especially as a male who fell into disbelief right when he was supposed to start doing all the normal adult Mormon things and did NONE of them- or at least none of them right.

Sorry if that sounded, err, phallocentric.

I highly recommend therapy.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/25/2018 12:04AM by midwestanon.

First of all.... worth the cost!

That being said-- if you are under a health insurance provided through work, usually they come with mental health services that include 4-6 COMPLETELY FREE therapy sessions for almost anything. Ask your insurance about EAP or something like that....Otherwise I know of other insurance coverages that include something similar even for those individually funding insurance (as opposed to an employer)

Also, from my experience therapists are some of the kindest, most understanding people with regards to costs. Many offer free initial visits where you can "see if they're the right fit" for you. Take the opportunity to discuss payment and don't be afraid to ask for some extra help if your insurance isn't too keen on helping. Mine told me that if my insurance didn't check out he'd sit down with me to see what I could manage and said "he'd make it work."


FINALLY-- therapy really does help. If you've followed me at all, my wife left me recently over my leaving the church. I also just started med school and am more stressed than I've ever been before. My therapist has helped me to key in on the big three issues (grief from losing wife, stress from school, and pain in putting mormonism behind me) and recognize the validity in the struggles that they each uniquely cause.

It's so nice to have a totally unbiased, professional opinion hearing me out-- especially because I tell him things I never told my family or friends for the sake of protecting mine or my wife's image. Turns out I was seriously suffering and couldn't even internalize it enough to BEGIN moving on.

Long story short, only reason I didn't take a year off and start med school next year was because of my therapist. I won't say I couldn't be happy again without him because I could. But it makes the process smoother for sure. And I'm sure I feel more sane with the extra help than if I were to go at it alone.

Srry for the long one-- I am obviously very grateful for my therapist.

Good luck
MB

horrid experience with a lady in her 6th marriage (hint: CA mfccs in their sixth legal marraige probably not so wise) this was a 6th marraige working christmas eve alone wanting a late pm appointment personally unsuccessful life mfcc, who wanted to share her life experience, who used herself and her life background as an example. I was so naive I didn't even know that was considered unprofessional, boundary violations (should of run) (didn't know any better) lol
So this therapist wanted to substitute in her own childhood religion when I was discontent with mormonism. After i tired it, she proceeded to dismantle the new religion, so I could be like her (NOT) and asked me to consider opening my marraige which my husband disagreed with and I did not want to do- (and be JUST LIKE HER) It was all she had to offer. 'you can grow up, see and then you'll be Just LIKE ME!' trope

that was not helpful i think it was destructive. Some of you saw how I typed back then ;) lol


And the mfcc missed what was sitting on the counch right in front of her, turns out she was functioning from a binder, turn the page, do the next script list of interventions, never did any indivdual assessment or evaluation. (insert cuss word about here re wasting time & money)
This out of date solo practitioner in a rural area with no professional oversight or colleague consults peer support for her practive was literally
Functioning alone along the end of a dirt road between metro areas with a house and horse somewhere after husband number five. I'm not making this up. and i have no idea. They were just down the road twenty minutes further across the country, it was back when i thought closer was better, local and dairy country and all fine y'all



So interview carefully.

Work stress makes it worse if you have a violent work place such as a prison, jail, youth incarceration, or work with offenders on probation who, um, threaten each other - obviously that will incorporate your stress load ginorously, and your stable platform or shelf broke which was mormon coping skills you'd more likely need some transitional bridge! i recall a youngster who worked only ten years for the prisons but by the time she left here prison job, she became extremely busy working with the church education system...obviously that was her, bridge, transitional fix. having seen the parodoxs and catch 22s as troublesome i couldn't use the mormon church as a bridge or transitional safe space after stress anymore.

I found a medical specialist doing talk work not rx working with my system (or me; that's me) and I have been very satisfied with my life & engaging in a positive routine after some very hard work rebuilding, restructuring, reconnecting, dialoging. I don't think folks with no survival mechanism clung strung to mormonism are going to need a bridge like that. But part of my childhood survival skills or defense mechanisms to protect me from death were tied to non custodial mormon relations whose network was separate from the neglect. leaving the church works for me because i was raised away from the church socially k-12 among peers without any mormon kids. mormonism was like a top of the cake layer for me smeared across the rest structuring some of my choices, but actually weighing down the greatest talents and many skills by the weight of the super expensive frosting. mormon judgements i accepted and thought structures were like some layers of raspberry filling with too many seeds. you know it kinda got stuck in your teeth and then you'd need to floss if you ate a piece of that cake. But because of my rearing I had a non mormon 4-h based cali ag county public school kid kind of cake inside with just some strings of layer filling of mormon concepts part way layered in not even half way across some layers of the cake. Then smoothered in mormon temple dress colored frosting across the top. Good thing i got it off; concrete zipper's deconstructor article mostly did it, ms moms' chocolate milk cocoa mix in coffee led me to my first life skills outside the church and this board has been great. my skill layers and vocal pitch inflections or verbal genres which can shift with effort when type have nothing, nothing, to do with leaving or being in mormonism; that's just me. its who i am. But my language may not be all that precise, or exactly repetitive in spelling or slang when i am responding to unfairness or paradoxes in mormonism- its all skill sets want to get in a comment or see it from a different perspective. its a family thing a more affectionate family than the one i grew up with obviously. 'i have a family here on earth' means something entirely different to me That's not about mormonism, its a perspective thing.

It can be very therapeutic if you have a good rapport with your counselor.

I've benefited from it throughout my lifetime. Have been with my current counselor for 14 years. When he retires or should I outlive him, it will be hard for me to find someone new because he's become almost like family.

I pay a small co-pay, so not a high deductible. If you look around you could maybe find one that would accept a sliding payment based on your income, if it would cost less than a high deductible.

Helps in my life included therapy, attending Al-Anon and Children of Alcoholics meetings, and books. Learning for the first time that I was highly affected by being a child of an alcoholic father and an co-dependent mother was the first step in my recognition of realizing that I finally had found something that rang true for describing the person I was.

I was able to see why I turned to the MormonCult to find a "home" along with the helpful belief that said I could find happiness and an eternal life. This all took a lot of time, work and endurance to pursue, but I did at the end discover how genes and my experiences created my problems with critical thinking learned at university providing the needed tool to move ahead.

I hope my experiences help you and I wish you much success as you move forward.

I can't add anything to what you said except to note you managed to navigate your "impeccable path" without the advantage I have, which was the "certain knowledge" that if I didn't "follow" the program afforded by the groups you mentioned, I was likely going to die.

There are other "ways," of course, but the one you outlined has been, IMO, proven to be tried and true.

The only caveat I can add is to choose one's therapist wisely, and rather than any "right or wrong" analysis, stick with what's "useful vs. non-useful." John Dehlin spoke about the need for therapy if one is, for example, BIC, and the "Mormons" in my Jack Mormon family, father and maternal grandfather, would agree on how traumatic making the necessary changes can be.

Per Patrick Carnes, "Addiction is a pathological relationship with a mind altering/mood changing experience," and for many, membership in LDS, Inc. is an addiction. Or as another I greatly admire said, "Addictions are things we need to lie about."

I dunno. Sometimes I tell myself that I should stop drinking. But, I'm not about to listen to some drunk guy that talks to himself.

Be extremely careful about using an EAP program.

EAP claims everything stated is confidential, so,etimes even claiming they are a separate company contracted by your employer and anything stated is required to be kept confidential by law.

This is an outright lie, and anything stated to an EAP counselor will be quickly and routinely reported to company management.

Much like in Mormonism, when pastoral confidentiality is claimed, but anyone who has any experience in Mormondum knows how this will work us8ng whisper campaigns.

If you need therapy, hire a therapist. Never make any statements to an EAP representative that you do not want your employer to know about, particularly involving substance abuse or personal finances.

Is there a children of cult parents anonymous? Being serious.

I had been to 2 EAP therapists and the second one told me about a new therapist who had just moved to Cache Valley, telling me I could get into him quickly. I was a pretty big mess. I was thinking about killing my children and then suicide. I hadn't told anyone, even the EAP therapist. He just knew I was in a bad way.

I found an exmormon for my therapist. He never told me that. After about 3 or 4 or maybe 6 years, I asked him about his beliefs and he told me. I was pretty much done with mormonism (had been inactive a long time), but had worked through a lot of beliefs. I had my gay husband who had left and he and his boyfriend were abusive, and I was working 2 jobs to support my kids and raise them alone. My dog had just been killed. That was the last straw.

The therapist gave me back my life. Now I go to him over things like my TBM daughter or working on my relationship with my boyfriend. He has helped me SO MUCH--including with my family. My ex and I are good friends now and I couldn't have done all this without my therapist. I have gone about 6 times this year, but I only went 2 times a year for about 5 years. When I first started, I was going 2 times a week.

I consider him one of the best people I've ever met. He is mydocdave.com

Yes! I recommend therapy, too!

It's not just being lied to and used by a hoax cult--it's the entire cult experience that kills the soul.

Mormonism is about taking people's money. It is also about taking power over its minions, and manipulating them into absolute obedience.

Thus, those poor people who are exposed to Mormonism suffer from low self esteem. Some even have self-loathing. The Mormon cult wants their members to "lose themselves" in the Gospel, and they brag about being "humble." Perfectionism in general is harmful, and this model can be found outside of church, also.

Along with feeling inferior, Mormons feel strange and alienated from others, they have poor decision-making skills, low self-confidence, social anxiety, and problems such as PTSD, OCD, attention-defecit, depression, drug abuse, and suicide are more common in Mormons (some studies show this).

Worst of all, Mormons suffer from lack of LOVE. Mormons have stated outright that they do not believe in unconditional love. Nelson said, "Unconditional love is anti-christ." Really--any human being who is raised in a world without love will have problems, and will need therapy!

That said, you might not even have to deal with Mormonism specifically, and you don't need to have a therapist who is or once was Mormon, either. These problems are universal. My psychiatrist and I talk about many things, and don't really mention the cult that much, because we're busy dealing with all the rest of it.

I have PTSD from being abuses as a child, and a year of being a battered wife. My family was dysfunctional. It was also a strict TBM family. I had anxiety, recurring nightmares, phobias, intermittent depression, and did not know why. Therapy has taught me how to deal with--and avoid--triggers that set off PTSD flashbacks. I can live through an anxiety attack very well--often in public, and no one knows I'm even experience any anxiety at all. Now, instead of daily, I have maybe one attack every two months, usually associated with illness, or doctor's procedures. This has changed my life!!!!

In addition, I have sought his help in dealing with the Mormons still in my life--abusers, scammers, crooks, an adulterous husband, and other awful creatures who invaded my otherwise happy life.

My psychiatrist has excellent parenting advice! My being healthier has helped my children, too. He helped my daughter overcome an eating disorder. When my son's wife left him, I was terribly worried, and made him go to my therapist. He went once, and the therapist helped him, but said, "You are doing great! You don't need therapy." My therapist is no a person who would keep a patient hanging on, if therapy isn't needed. He also took me off of antidepressants, after trying a few, and told me I didn't need them. I was not depressed. I had PTSD, which was different.

I'm friends with a child psychiatrist, so I asked him for the name of a good adult psychiatrist. I made an appointment, and walked into his office, and he turned out to be "Ken", my neighbor a few houses away. We keep things on a professional level, and it doesn't matter if we don't agree on political issues.

Just GO! You need more information about what's going on with you, and WHY. You can do the work to overcome your problems--the therapist is just a guide.

I see my psychiatrist once a month, because I could not afford to see him more often. He gives me "homework", such as things to read, insightful movies to see, behavioral exercises to do, and return and report. Sometimes, he just reassures me, and encourages me. (Something religion could never do.)

Get a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and be prepared to work!

The entire cult experience definitely kills the soul you got that right. The thing with PTSD is that therapy is the main thing that works. It is not like bipolar that you take a med to fix it. PTSD can show signs of other mental illnesses, that is why it took so long for them to accurately diagnosis me. Both me and them had no clue what was going on with me.

When I started therapy it was a year or so after my gay husband left. I had been through what I call abuse by the leaders when I found out my future husband was gay. Then my husband and his boyfriend were very abusive to me. I went in for help with that situation and not mormonism.

It eventually became mormonism after I realized I no longer believed.

Now I go in a few times a year for things like dealing with TBM daughter, help with my relationship, help with family (like my sister stealing our disabled brother's mnoney). I went through a lot after my parents' died. My 2 sisters threw me out of the family. It was a horrible time. It has only calmed down in the last year.

People go to therapy for many things. Oh, and it isn't my money going for therapy. My husband's (I have never divorced him) insurance pays for it. I pay $20 co-pay. It has been worth every penny.

I would never have made it to this point if I hadn't been in therapy. I think I said before that when I went in to see him the first time I was homicidal and suicidal--and, yes, I was. I saw no point in continuing on in life, but I had 2 kids and I wasn't going to leave them with a mother who committed suicide. I was that way for a year.

I too was homicidal and suicidal when I first went in. I knew if I did not go to counseling I would go after certain people and probably try to burn churches down and also burn crosses. I was f#cking mad. They ruined my life and I had to keep quiet about it all for most of my life. Counseling was my only way to feel safe form that whole operation. The religion is a nasty plague that turns people against themselves until they end their lives before it begins. Some make it out and some do not. I still am not fully healed and I have been going to counseling for two years straight. It has done a lot for me and has helped me in climbing out of the pit the religion put me in mentally and physically. I still don't believe I have a true second chance at life because of how nasty I know that cult can be even from a distance. They know how to hurt you through family and they know where to hit me in particular. I might have to separate from my family for the rest of my life if I am going to truly get totally well and succeed. I can't even risk it.

After reading all the posts in here, the conclusion is therapy for leaving Mormonism would be helpful for the first year or so, but after that, if you still need therapy, then you have not received the ideas you need to escape the cult, and you are simply trading your hard-earned money from paying tithing to the LDS Church to tell you what to believe to paying a therapist to tell you what to believe. The mind is not used to free itself based on reason.

Yea, at least a year especially if you have been born in it or were in it more than twenty years. I do not recommend flying solo without any supports.

I think it’s (to) restring the ideas and then you wear the beads

My therapist doesn't tell me what to believe.

He provides a sounding board and feedback on what I already believe.

A therapist guides you with the questions asked. The therapist is in control and you are not. It is not a two-way relationship like a friend, where you get to ask questions too and also be of service to the therapist. Because you pay the money. Apply Covey's ideas and you will discover it is a one-way street of dependency to pay for the therapist's standard of living as long as possible. If a person is not free of Mormonism using the help of an expensive therapist in a year or a little longer, then they need to reevaluate the thinking habits that are being used. FYI, I am not saying to believe in Covey's ideas about God, but just his ideas about dependence, independence, and interdependence. They are solid truths that work.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/02/2018 11:59AM by anonthegreat.

My therapist doesn't ask questions as much as he listens. When he does provide feedback, it has been mostly invaluable. He is worth his weight in gold. There are good therapists, not out to usurp control.

I eased out of the church upon returning from my mission at the age of 21. I had two years remaining to complete my degree at BYU; it would have taken longer to complete my baccalaureate degree elsewhere, so I needed to retain my ecclesiastical endorsement. I was out of the church two years later, once I received my B.S. from BYU.

I didn't feel the need to seek therapy. The adjustment was, for me, trifold: learning the versions of LDS history that the rest of the world accepted versus the more creative accounts of the same events spouted by LDS Inc.,learning what the rest of the world (both in and out of Christianity and even organized religion) believed as opposed to which beliefs wer uniquely LDS, and learning that there were logical explanations for some of the supernatural "woo woo" sorts of things that were not dependent upon the truthfulness of the LDS gospel.

Those were all things I needed to work out for myself. I'm not sure a therapist would have been all that helpful. I didn't have to deal with such serious family issues as many exmos face. My mom cried (NOT tears of joy) when I proposed to my Cuban Catholic then-fiance, because she sensed that it sealed the deal as far as my exodus from the LDS church was concerned, but my place in the family was never in jeopardy. (Incidentally, my mom very quickly came around where my wife is concerned. If the two of us were to split up, I'm not entirely sure that the family wouldn't keep her instead of me.)

Everyone has to find his own route out of the church. My take on it is that therapy is probably more of a necessity when leaving the church drastically impacts the dynamics of one's family. I don't doubt that my parents will go to their graves still hoping for my return to the LDS church, and when my wife and I die, someone in the family is almost certain to take care of any relevant temple work, but my parents never issued any sort of ultimatum where the church and my place in the family were concerned. I was able to leave the church without also leaving my family of origin, which seems to have made all the difference in the world in terms of the "mindf***" a person endures upon leaving.

I had spent a lot of my life constantly feeling wrong about a lot of things. The church was just part of that. Beside it teaching me fishy sounding things and insisting it was all real and true, it taught me to mistrust my own judgment and to seek validation from authority figures -- the same authority figures I suspected were full of baloney. So I ended up doubting my own feelings, reasoning and opinions. Was I the crazy one?

This was one of the big things therapy helped me with. No, I wasn't the crazy one.