[Maude/mod says - Edited out political references to preserve thread for holycarp rather than deleting the whole opening post; if not OK as is holycarp, please report this thread and let Admin know. The only other moderator choice though is to delete the whole thread. You could rewrite it, avoiding US politics].


holycarp wrote:

I'm a #metoo - my own mother did not believe me. It was my brother and she said 'Oh, I don't believe he would ever do that". My brother was a true psychopath & she always made excuses for him and I never trusted her again.

I know how others feel that they fear they won't be believed or supported. At almost 16 yrs. old I had two girlfriends, both LDS, who when they witnessed a man in his mid 30's roller skate up behind me, grab me from behind and put his hands on my breasts while giggling like a hyena. The only way I could break free was by dropping to the ground and he was knocked over and I was able to get away.

My "friends" were angry with me and said I was making a big deal out of it and he liked me, why don't I go out with him, etc. I cannot fathom why any female would support or ignore or minimize these types actions.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/28/2018 12:58AM by Maude.

I hear you. It makes the abuse much harder to deal with, if no one believes you! Psychopaths are master manipulators, and know how to evoke sympathy from others, and appear innocent. My abusive brother used to say it was an "accident." He was clumsy, and his hands just ended up on my breasts, or pulling my clothes off, or breaking my favorite toys, or destroying my artwork. He "accidentally" took my expensive racing bicycle to the dumps, when he was partially cleaning out the garage. My TBM parents believed him. He went on a mission, and pretended to be spiritual, but my other sibling and I knew he was evil. He never married, and out in the real world, he had several lawsuits against him, for sexual harassment. But it was always the victim's fault. Some woman became "hysterical" or she misinterpreted my brother's just wanting to be friends, bla-bla. In the end, no one ever did believe me--except for my children, who witnessed a few incidents--and we stayed away from him! My other siblings' children did not believe me, and laughed and said this perv was harmless. Now there nieces are under psychiactric care. They are well into their thirties, and say that they will never get married, yet they never admitted to any abuse.

I like the #Metoo movement. Women have been forced to keep silent, be sweet, be the peace-makers too long.

At 16, your friends were inexperienced, and had a skewed perception of what that 30-ish-year-old man was doing to you. Perhaps they were in denial, perhaps they were brainwashed Mormons, I don't know. What I DO know is that most children that age, even with no experience whatsoever, know malicious intent when they feel it. I believe humans have an innate survival instinct, and it is a crime for Mormons to teach children to IGNORE their own wise intuition, because someone is dressed nice, or has some sort of "authority" over them. Bishops interviews are a classic example! You knew what that man was doing to you!

I was a virgin, when I got married in the temple, and wanted to wait until my wedding night, after being at the reception in my white dress, but my new husband forced himself on me. He quoted D&C 132, and said I was his God-goven possession, he had priesthood authority over me, that I had to obey him, and that he could do anything he wanted to me. My family and I had no knowledge of his previous assaults and convictions, and beatings of his own little sister, as his Mormon GA family had helped him cover it all up. I had no clue that a husband could "rape" his wife. I did know that he was saying horrible things to me, and being cruel, and making bruises on my arms and legs, and causing me great pain. I was crying, and pleading for him to wait.

Assaults such as this are not about love or desire or having a relationship. They are about hatred, violence, and extreme mental illness! It was difficult to divorce him--I was frightened--and I had to escape and hide--and I could never have done this, if people had not believed me! There were witnesses, who heard my pleading, and his screaming at me, and they heard my body been thrown against the wall. People saw my bruises. I had to be under the care of a doctor. I never would have gone through such horrors, just to be believed. Many assaults and harassments leave no visible marks: it is just the victim's word against the perpetrator's word. I hope that, at last, women can have some safety in this "man's world."

Mormons blamed me for the divorce, and said I was flighty, and had "changed my mind", etc. I was socially marginalized, and could not go back to my group of single Mormon friends. Thanks to the support of my parents, I went on with my life, and eventually got married and had children.

Most victims of assault need therapy. My Mormon parents did not believe in psychology, but I got therapy years later, when I could pay for it, myself. I recommend it!

Welcome to RFM, and love to you!

Holy crap exminion!!! I am so sorry you went through this. Being here, proves how strong a woman you are. Good on ya!

Sometimes, the best revenge is having a good life.

"Maude" or Mod...HOW was my post political? I did not mention parties or offices - I, like many others here, was expressing anger and fear of not being believed whatever the circumstances. I referenced a prominent issue - abuse by men in it's many forms and not being supported even by my own gender. LDS Inc. is all about suppression.

Seems like you completely misunderstood my post and its true meaning



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/28/2018 07:18PM by holycarp.

holycarp Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Maude" or Mod...HOW was my post political? I did
> not mention parties or offices

Avoiding politics doesn't only mean not mentioning parties, positions, etc. It also includes topics. Some subjects are unavoidably political even without names. The example you used, current Senate hearings, is one of the most divisive of the current US political issues. You as the starter of the thread may skirt the line, if there is one, between commentary that is OK and that which veers off into partisanship but, in our experience, other posters will not. That means more work for Admin as there are more posts to moderate in those cases. Some topics even vaguely referred to are obvious and inevitably lead to problems (arguments).

Some of the main reasons for avoiding politics include:

- that is not the purpose of RfM
- it always, always leads to almost instant fights between the different sides and lingering bad feelings towards others (not good for RfM)
- political discussions multiply and tend to quickly take up the board, drowning out other topics
- Eric wants to keep the discussion on Mormonism for the most part

>I, like many others here, was expressing anger and fear of not being believed whatever the circumstances.

> I referenced a prominent issue - abuse by men in
> it's many forms and not being supported even by my
> own gender. LDS Inc. is all about suppression.

> Seems like you completely misunderstood my post
> and its true meaning

No, I don't think I misunderstood. If so I would likely have just deleted your thread due to the opening paragraph re the hearings. Because I understood, I edited out the part that was too close to being political, whether you meant it that way or not. The last thing we want here is an angry discussion about a specific prominent political issue. Sometimes when we must choose to delete a post it's to avoid trouble, which we see coming from long experience, especially with politics.

As I said above, if I hadn't edited your post to preserve the personal part and remove the section that was, by our definition and experience, political (Senate hearings in the middle of a fierce partisan debate with bad feelings on many sides) then my only choice would have been to remove your entire thread. I didn't want to do that, precisely because I did understand your point and thought it was important to you and to everyone reading your post.

I'm sorry if it upset you. It was meant to help by avoiding having to delete your entire thread.

I'm a #metoo, also. This movement is truly wonderful and healing. To not be believed is one of the most debilitating things that can happen to a person.

I shared my harrowing experience soon after it occurred. To have someone right out ignore what you are saying, to look at you with their eyes saying, "Yeah, right, sure that "really" happened," was beyond hurtful and depleting of the little bit of self-confidence I had and ended the small amount of trust and respect I had for this person. I felt abandoned and rejected and terribly alone which lasted for a very, very long time until I finally discovered counseling.

My heart goes out to you holy carp . You must have felt so lonely

and sad. It's like a slap in the face when something That scary

and awful happens to you and no one believes you. I'm so very

very sorry that happened to you.

Thats the kind of hurt that cuts deep.

I was 11 years old and had accompanied my father to the chiropractor, because something was wrong with Dad's back. I stood with my back to the wall and just watched the "doctor" working on Dad's back.

When he was done with Dad, the chiropractor walked over to me, stared at my breasts, and then reached up and began fondling them, commenting, "Coming along nicely here." Then he walked away.

I think Dad and I were both so embarrassed about what had happened, we didn't say a word about it on the way home. I had been deeply shocked. I was more "mature" for my age than most girls, and had already been wearing a bra for a couple of years.

I overheard him describing the incident to Mother after we got home. Dad was very solemn about it. I think he felt caught between the "authority figure" of the "doctor" and maybe upset that he didn't intervene on the spot.

My mother laughed. Like a hyena. She made some remark like, "I guess she'll have a great time in college, won't she?" Dad was clearly puzzled by this. He did not laugh. Nor did he ever go back to that chiropractor.

The incident was never referred to again, in my family. I was too ashamed to tell anyone - until now. And I'm a grandma now.

Mother often made crude fun of my early development. I often slouched and wore baggy clothes, trying to conceal it. I can remember wearing a bulky cardigan sweater on a scorching-hot September day, trying to hide.

This is not in the same category as rape, but for a shy 11-year-old, it was horrible.