Posted by:
Nightingale
(
)
Date: September 29, 2018 02:49PM
Dave the Atheist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 100% Atheist ??? As opposed to ...
Dave: Scarletfish explains it right here:
"...it's hard for her [the atheist friend] to understand with no religious background."
The focus isn't that the friend is atheist but rather because she is atheist she doesn't automatically understand what it's like to be in an all-consuming religion and then to leave it.
Even people of faith, if used to mainstream church communities, can have trouble knowing what it's like because they don't have the same experiences. There is no almighty leader, no rigid structure or hierarchy, no exorbitant expectations, no church practices/beliefs laying out your path from cradle to grave, no church authority checking up on you; in short, no looming presence in your life acting like a keeper and robbing you of your own free will. Mainstream churchgoers can switch between denominations with no repercussions. They can choose for themselves which beliefs and practices they want to observe and to what degree. They can skip church on Sunday, attend sporadically, leave altogether, without being cast out of society. They can still maintain their church friends if they and the friends want. They can even stop attending any church at all and nobody will come knocking on their door to try and bully them back or condemn their decision. There are no proclamations from on high governing one's behaviour, choices and life. (I'm talking "mainstream"; of course it's different on the more fundamentalist side). In mainstream, it's more a question of having a central belief in common (God) and a general acceptance of the main doctrines (that which defines an individual denomination; if you don't agree with or like it you can switch - you still have the central beliefs in common with fellow congregants).
This is in stark contrast, as we know, from fundamentalist groups like JWs and Mormons.
If a person doesn't have experience with these types of controlling environments it is difficult/impossible for them to understand what the big deal is for the person who has been immersed in it and then leaves. They have to cope with their programming (often from birth), their family members' reactions (often negative), their own feelings and reactions, the loss of friendships, loss of place in their family (especially severe for many exmos), the real potential for losing a marriage (Mormonism) and the upheaval of their entire world perhaps. They must deal with their own private world of shock, loss, grief, confusion, pain, questions, regrets and emotional reactions. There is a private place of loneliness where nobody can feel how you feel even if in general they get part of it (such as exmos understanding each other). Some pain is yours alone.
Some people are thrilled to find out that Mormonism isn't "true" and they can't get away quickly enough. Still they may take time to adjust and come to terms with what happened in their life. Others, depending on their circumstances both in and out of the church, may be happy to get away from it but are struggling with the sequelae of their experiences there.
Many outsiders will see only that you left a church, switched to a new one, don't attend one any more, whatever is obvious on the surface. The emotional part is largely invisible. It may look to them like changing a job or buying a new car. Riding in your shiny new red convertible how can you possibly miss your old hack.
When I left the JWs I was besieged by workmates (and bosses too) asking me to go with them to their various churches. To them it was just an invite, to me it felt like unholy pressure. The very last thing I needed at that time was to start attending a new church (after years of the programming that there is only one true church, as well as wanting a break altogether from religion). I needed some breathing space. Nobody recognized that. They were so happy I had left the JWs. They thought it would be fabulous for me to experience their church. It was just more unbearable pressure for me, with a different name.
So, it can be a lonely process, not understood by people of other faiths or by those who are not religious, especially if they have never been churchgoers.
That's what I get out of Scarletfish describing her friend as "100% atheist" and wanting to know if there's a way to explain all the above, and more, to her.
Even if you can say the words it's hard for someone who's never had anything like the same experience to understand what it's like in the way we would wish.