So I left home, starting this semester for university. I went to church only once just to get my records transferred so they didn't stay in my parents stake. I figured they'd start to wonder if my records never moved.

The plan was to stop attending as soon as I left home, and just pretend to my parents that I was still an active member. The only concern I had was if my parents decided to visit and go to church with me and that then they might figure out that I wasn't there every week that way. I was also worried about getting my temple recommend renewed in about a year from now. I figured I'd just do it when I was back in my parents stake for the summer.

But anyways, back to the point. The bishop called because he hadn't seen me at church the past few weeks, he asked if I needed rides, etc. All the normal stuff. Now, I guess I knew they would do things like that eventually like the morg always does, but I was hoping it wouldn't be so soon. I mean, I'm sure they have lots of other inactives, right?

The thing I was hoping was that they wouldn't treat me like a child. I was also hoping that if they did want to treat me like a child, at least they wouldn't have a way to find my parents phone number. But sure enough, that call came. And now my parents know I haven't been to church in the past few weeks. I think I'm going to go to counseling tomorrow.

I don't know what to do. I'll either have to go back to square one and fake being a mormon, or tell my parents the truth. I'm afraid of both of those. I might have to drop out for a while. I don't know if they'll help pay for school if they know. Especially if they know the other church interview questions I've lied on. I'll leave that intentionally vague. Nothing actually bad, just things mormons think are.

Why do they always have to treat me like a child? This isn't the first time. I'm too old for this.

Go edit your church account so the contact details don't work.

Rail on your bishop for violating your adulthood by calling your parents. Serious overstep. Inform him that he is to call your aprents and apologize for involving them in their adult child's life inappropriately. It won't go over well with the bishop or your parents, but it puts the bishop and parents on notice of your boundaries.

And why are you concerned about keeping a temple recommend?

Part of this is that you let them treat you like a child. Set some boundaries.

If you're at a church school different advice applies. if so transfer out ASAP.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2018 11:27PM by dogblogger.

How would I remove my parents contact details that live in another stake?

You can't edit your parents. But you can edit yours

Playing the parents card is one of the hooks the church uses. Insidiuous.

I don't see how I'm letting the bishop do that. I've never talked to him. He did all of this behind my back. Which is part of what I don't like. The same thing happened on my mission. But yeah, I'll tell him for the future.

As far as my parents go, I've tried to set boundaries with them. They don't care. Which is why I chose to go to college halfway across the country. I've also told them I didn't believe before, but they have faith I guess.

If my parents did that to me, that's exactly what I would say. "I'm too for this. Stop it."

This also tells me I probably won't be able to resign without them getting a call either.

Maybe. It will show up on the year end tithing settlement report for your parents because they will no longer get an ordinance record for you. Another sideways control thing the church does.

Actually the ordinance record number is still on their record. It's just a different number format that designates it can't be sent to a ward.

Given that your parents are helping to pay for school, you might want to keep a loose association with your local ward. Maybe show up once a month. Then get a part time job where you either work most Sundays, or can plausibly say that you work most Sundays. You may have to forgo the temple recommend. Just say that you let it lapse (due to working on Sundays.)

Do one "getting to know you" interview with the bishop, and then decline further interviews. Decline callings. The idea is to do just enough to stay off of their radar.

An alternative idea would be to have your records moved back to your home ward when you go home for winter break. Then keep them there.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/01/2018 05:35AM by summer.

Drop out. Go find yourself. Most colleges these days, even for ITech&Engineering degrees, are selling a lie.
Hope you don't have too many student loans.
If your parents want to be this way then play hardball.
Drop out the week after the tuition cheque has cleared.

Yeah, I'm not looking for advice on whether or not to attend college right now.

I get what you're saying, but I've already decided this is exactly where I need to be right now. I have no student loans, or any type of loan for that matter, and I don't plan on getting any.

Doing well in school right now will get me a job I love and will pay 3 times what I'd make right now working full time. And that's starting pay.

I was smart and attended community college for the first 2 years. $500 a semester was a great deal. 2 more years of an in state public school is well worth the investment in the long term.

If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one. Have a talk with our parents and tell them the truth and quit playing the naughty kid.

You beat me to it.

Yes, that. See above.

Might that possibly put your parental tuition assistance at risk? Yes. But if you want to be treated as an independent, responsible adult, you need to BE an independent, responsible adult.

Well, that's one way to handle it. But traditionally a lot of nevermo Christian kids use college as a time to wean themselves off of church. They go inactive and then join their parents at church only on trips home. But they have the advantage of not having their churches track their attendance nor calling their parents. (And obviously, some kids are glad to stay active.)

College these days can be very expensive. Obviously a student needs to decide how important it is to get parental help with tuition. But I'm not going to blame a young person for not wanting to rack up a lot of debt, and making reasonable accommodations to do so. When they graduate and move out into the working world, they can do their own thing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/01/2018 10:37AM by summer.

A heartfelt letter or better, a sit-down talk with your parents will deliver the future you must enjoy.

Contentment lives just beyond Courage.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbsRU-crgsc

I've observed for most of my adult life that people entrenched in the church are kept in an a constant state of immaturity. Its like you cannot graduate to adulthood. Think about all the restrictions lumped on you; No R rated movies, no touching boobies, no alkeehol, no touching yourself, no coffee, no adult anything etc. etc.

Effectively, the church has mandated that you must do all these things as you are not mature enough to handle any of it. Its all sold under the banner of "protection" and be sure to get the magic underwear to reach super protected status.

there are a lot of toddlers in the church walking around in adult bodies because they have never graduated to adulthood, thanks to the church and the suppressed environment and decades of family tradition.

If you’re not a good Mormon, they won’t pick you for dodge ball.

Would they be pacified if you told them you will start back to church and that you have needed a little time to adjust to school life? After that you could drag your feet and attend one meeting every two or three weeks.

If the bishop contacts you again, tell him you lost respect for him because he tattled which is a very childish thing to do. You're an adult and wouldn't think of calling his mother about his behavior, but ask for her phone number in case you change your mind.

-->but ask for her phone number in case you change your mind.<--

<snort>

Just in case the bish has been asking inappropriate questions in worthiness interviews, and his mom needs to be notified.

Yeah, maybe I should call the bishops mother and complain to her about the bishop.