Posted by:
motherwhoknows
(
)
Date: June 13, 2011 04:32PM
I wrote a long post, giving the reasons why, and it accidentally got erased.
What is more important, is what you can do about your situation.
My advice is, until your husband finds another job, just go with it, girl!
Let your husband know that you agree with him. Be positive. Have a sense of humor. Make him happy.
Give him the excuses he wants, to skip church. Do you really care if he uses you as a scapegoat, if the results are positive? Do you really care if the snarky Mormons gossip about you, if the two of you are enjoying a happy life?
Go ahead and really do invite family members over to visit, or friends over for a Sunday barbecue. Really do plan a fun weekend vacation to take you away on Sunday. You are creative, and can think of tons of things to do on Sundays. Insist that your husband goes with you to Ikea, or to the country to buy fruit, or to visit your grandma in the next town--whatever. Be sure to have some fun--stop at a restaurant, play golf or tennis or ski or whatever you like to do, go to the beach or park--whatever it is you enjoy.
What level of attendance is demanded for a temple recommend? Find out, and your husband doesn't need to put in one second more of his time. It used to be 75% of sacrament meetings, but none of the other meetings were required! Nothing was said about callings, either. That means, if DH is strong and learns to say "no", he will only waste a total of three hours a month.
You can back him up, and help him to say "no" to the HT's, VT's, callings, activities, janitorial duty, and unnecessary meetings. Behave as though you were in a normal church. As human beings living in America, your husband and you have a RIGHT to say "no" without any explanation or excuse. With Mormons, you will have to tell them no many many times, over and over. Practice with your husband: "no...no, I won't do that...no...no, I'm not going...no, we won't be there." Be polite. Giving a reason just opens you up for a debate, and Mormons love to talk people into things. Don't let them. Respect your personal boundaries.
I do know that a temple recommend does not require anything of one's spouse or children. You and your kids are free to leave! Your husband might envy you or resent you at first, but you will make it up to him with the lovely dinner you prepare for him while he's away at church. Send him off to sacrament meeting with a good breakfast and a promise of a good time when he returns home. Remind him that he will have a much happier wife, if you can be free. You seem to be doing that very well, right now.
What about your children? Your mother still is brainwashed into believing that Mormonism is the ONLY TRUE CHURCH, and that the ONLY way her daughter can be happy is to go on a mission. There is also the threat that anyone who leaves Mormonism will fail, and fall into sin and despair. The truth is quite the opposite! Since we resigned, my children and I have been much happier, and we have been successful, in spite of the curses put on us by my mother, the bishop, and other Mormons.
Your husband's job probably does not require that his family have to be Mormons, does it? You might be freer than you think. Have fun in your life! Your husband is lucky to have you!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/13/2011 04:42PM by motherwhoknows.