I'm the guy who told my wife that I didn't believe in God anymore back in June. It was super rough and we almost got divorced. The last 2 months have been great, we don't really mention it much and our love for each other was as high as ever.

We watched conference yesterday (I'm trying to be as gentle as possible and make things as normal as possible for her). Today my wife had to work through the morning session. She got done at noon and asked me if I had watched conference. I said no I didn't. She said, "Are you even going to try to get back on track?" Man, how do I answer a question like that? The answer is obviously, "no, why in the world would I watch conference when I don't believe in God?" I didn't know what to say so I just said, I don't believe in that stuff anymore so...well I believe in good things like love and family but..." She said Ok and started crying and now she's in the shower presumably crying.

My stomach is in knots again of course, I hate to disappoint my favorite person in the world. Does anyone have any tips on her point of view so I can understand what she is going through a little better? What should I say to questions like that? This just sucks, thanks conference.

I am so sorry nuuvox.

One of the sad things about situations like this is that Mormons have hope that those of us who leave will actually come back.
It's a false hope that their leadership instills in them, unfortunately

"I *am* on track. It's just not the 'track' that others are trying to dictate to me and force onto me. I'm happier and more fulfilled than I've ever been, and it's a shame that you can't seem to recognize or acknowledge that."

I think it's fairly clear now that she wants you to return to the fold and that she took your gentle "I'm-doing-this-for-you" behavior as a sign that you were NOT going to leave the church.

I find humor to be useful sometimes, but in this instance, there ain't a lot to laugh at.

She wants you to be a cookie-cutter mormon, a role she's comfortable with.

Hard choices, nuuvox...

It's such a messed up situation. Remember what she has been taught. She has probably been praying really hard, reading scriptures and maybe even fasting. She probably thinks if she sets a good example and prays, somehow your "heart will soften" or you'll come to your senses and realize the church is true. We were taught that the church is the ultimate truth that will win in the end if we just kept following their pray/pay/obey guidance.

Remember, conference is supposed to be SOOOOO inspiring that people will see the light.

I wonder if she is fishing to see if her prayers are working yet.

This can go a few ways. She might blame herself for not doing something right and that's why you can't get the spirit back. She feels like a failure. She is being judged by her church peers and herself as to why her husband is unrighteous/unworthy. She probably still buys into the whole happy celestial kingdom spiel. Maybe she can't deal with the thought of mortality or whatever. A lot of people just can't go there.

Or maybe she will just get frustrated and decide you are not being receptive. This will make her blame you and resent you.

Or maybe, hopefully, she will come to realize all that malarkey doesn't work and people don't just go back to wanting a Mormon-lobotomy.

If she loves the church more than you, she needs to decide. It's not fair to you. You are not pressuring her to read church history and buy a vowel. It takes a lot of work and agreement to make this work, but I think possibly it can for you both.


If she is a strong independent studier, the odds are good she will question.

Just say..."I AM on track...MY track".

Her saying that implies that you are wrong AND...know that you are wrong...

You are on the right track.
Your wife has been switched onto a siding.

Every time I hear something like this, I can only relate to it on this level. When my ex came out as gay to me (before marriage), we had this kind of situation. I was always reading and praying and getting blessings and fasting as it was my job to save him. And even after we married, we kept going through this same cycle.

And then I found out he was cheating. I was going to leave after a few months of discussing it and he became suicidal, so we stayed together and I told him what he could do--everything except fall in love. Well, he fell in love, and I stayed.

He was the one to leave.

BUT when I read stories like your's, it reminds me of how I felt back then. INSANITY. Emily Pearson calls it "Dancing With Crazy."

Your wife has the opportunity to have something I couldn't have--to keep your marriage and family intact. My ex could never be straight. Your wife is a fool if she lets you go. If she does, there are still dreams to be had for you. Just remember that. It happened for me. It is the children (do you have children?) who I feel sorry for.

Be gentle and kind but explain to her that you watched with her to support her. Because you love her. There was no reason for you to watch when she was gone, you were not watching it for yourself in the first place. For instance, is there a sport that you like to watch when she doesn't? Honey, it's like when you watch baseball with me but you don't watch it if I am not here right? It is a hard line to find between being supportive and giving false hope. Tell as much of your own truth as you can without being needlessly hurtful.

It is a new day, a new track and you are BOTH going to have to make compromises along the way.

I agree with Susan. Your wife is in the denial phase of grieving a loss. Be gentle but truthful.

Thanks for your replies everyone, it helps very much.