The Day We Found Out We Were Not Mormons.

I got up early to a nice sunny morning, ready to start the coffee, when I remembered I signed up about a month ago to serve the Elders breakfast at 9 a.m when I heard my husband, Earl yell from the bedroom: "Martha, you got that coffee on yet?"

"No, Earl, I'm making breakfast for the Elders this morning. There's a new missionary in our area, and I thought I'd serve them a good hearty meal to start their day. The boys these days don't know how to cook and I don't think their mamas fed them good, anyhow. They are all so pale. I put the coffee pot out in the garage."

"Good Grief, Martha, you going to keep this up forever?" "Well, Earl, I don't want to offend the boys."
"OK." Earl said: "If you insist, but once they are gone, put the coffee pot on, OK? I got a lot of work to do today."

"What on earth do you have to do today, Earl. You've been retired for 24 years."
"I'm still working on that sled for the great grandsons for Christmas." He, said.
"I thought you finished that? Said Martha.
"No, I ran into a little problem, and needed a new tool, so I'll have to go down to Home Depot, in a bit."
"Again? You were just there, yesterday." Martha said.

That's when I turned on the computer and the first thing that popped up was a news article that said the new Mormon President Nelson didn't want us to be called Mormons anymore. I blinked, shook my head, thinking I read something wrong, so I read it again. I had it right.
" Earl", I yelled." Did you know we're not Mormons anymore?"
"Martha, what are you talking about?"
"Says right here, on the computer."
"Martha. for crying out loud, you know you can't believe everything you read on the Internet."
"Earl," I said, raising my voice to make sure he heard me. "This is the real news. Right out of Utah."
"If we're not Mormons, what are we?" He yelled back.
"It says here, Earl, we are Latter-day Saints."
"Martha, " I know that."
Earl came sauntering into the kitchen, bare foot, hiking up his suspenders, and said: "Let me look at that computer."
Earl is not what you'd call computer literate. He's more into tools and making stuff still annoyed that these young kids don't know what a slide rule is. He doesn't hear too good, or see too good either so I enlarged the print and showed him the article.

"What do you know." He said. Then I heard him mumble; "Guess we would of known that if we watched General Conference."
" I heard that. Now, Earl, don't you start up with me, about General Conference. We had an agreement."
"Ya, ya, I know" he said, reading the article.

"Earl, go finish getting dressed. That's the boys are at the door."
Earl shuffled off to the bedroom to put on his shoes and I heard him say: "Well, at least, we're still Jack Mormons."

Author: SusieQ#1
Granting permission for the story to be permanently displayed and archived at exmormon.org.

Part two is below in the second post.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2018 09:34PM by SusieQ#1.

I demand a chapter 2, wherein Earl talks to the mishies about no longer being "mormon" missionaries!!

Great story, SuzyQ#1. Love the zinger at the end.

So many are getting "orphaned" from this name change thing and that made me laugh.

OH? Well, that ought to be them explaining... how Satan wins with nicknames, etc... Thanks for the idea~ !!

The one who used his disabled wife in a wheelchair as a weapon to slam ladies this way and that, as his poor wife was bobbed and bounced about in her chair. That story's such a winner!

Cheryl Wrote:
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> The one who used his disabled wife in a wheelchair
> as a weapon to slam ladies this way and that, as
> his poor wife was bobbed and bounced about in her
> chair. That story's such a winner!


Oh ..ya..that was a true story! This new one is fiction. I'll see if I can find that other one. I'm sure I saved it.

(Con't story)

Earl shaking hands with two scrubbed faced young missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints - aka LDS - formerly known as: Mormons.

"Good Morning Brother Peterson. How are you today? "
"I'm doing just fine, Elder.," Earl said, noticing his accent and reading his name tag. "Where're you from, Elder Garcia."
"I'm from a little town in El Salvador., Brother Peterson, This is my companion, Elder Johnston." Earl shakes hands and welcomes them into the kitchen.

"Tell me a bit about yourselves, Elders."
"I'm a convert, been a member a little over a year", said Elder Garcia.
"I'm a fifth generation member, from Idaho," Said Elder Johnston.
"Martha,. the Elders are here, looking hungry,"

Earl continues: "What's this I hear about not being Mormons, anymore?"
"Oh yes." said Elder Johnston. "Brother and Sister Peterson, that's a new announcement from our Prophet in the last General Conference. He's very concerned about using the nickname."
"Oh? Why is that, Elder. We've been Mormons for as long as I can remember."
Elder Johnston replied: "You know our prophet receives inspiration on important matters?
"Yes, of course," Said, Earl
"The Prophet has made it clear that Satan wins when we use nicknames." Replied Elder Johnston
"Is that right? I didn't know there was a war on that issue." Earl said.
"Well, no. No war. But, as you know, when the Prophet speaks, the thinking has been done...." Replied Elder Garcia.
"Yes, yes, I'm well aware of that ..ahh....pronouncement.
I rather like to do my own thinking, but..."
Martha gave Earl a "look" that he knew meant -- time to shut up.

"Could we kneel in prayer before we eat, Brother and Sister Peterson?" Asked, Elder Garcia.
"Well, Elder, we're liable not to get up if we kneel, so if it's alright with you, we'll just sit at the table and you can bless the food, while you're at it."

"Earl, how many times are you going to rinse that glass?" "Now, Martha, I'm doing it my way. I like to make sure there are no soap bubbles left."
"Yes, I can see that, Earl, but you're going to run out of hot water, if you don't get on with it."
"What do you think about what the Elders said, Martha?"
"I was a bit confused. I thought the war in heaven was over in the Pre-existance, and Satan already lost."



Edited 9 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2018 09:41PM by SusieQ#1.

Good one. Funny dialog.

Haw-Ha-ha-ha!

Another great one-liner zinger at the end of this second story, too!

Thank you, Susie!#1! I loved both of these!


I think a non-fiction story still qualifies. I hope you find your story of the peeping Tom, and, please, post it for us to read again.

exminion Wrote:
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> Haw-Ha-ha-ha!
>
> Another great one-liner zinger at the end of this
> second story, too!
>
> Thank you, Susie!#1! I loved both of these!
>
>
> I think a non-fiction story still qualifies. I
> hope you find your story of the peeping Tom, and,
> please, post it for us to read again.

Glad you enjoyed Martha and Earl Peterson - my imaginary Mormon family.


I found an updated account of the Man in the Women's Restroom in my files and posted it, separately. Better title would be: "The Last Straw."

I make errors that I don't catch!

My best non-member friend (Marty B.), and I were political allies. She was non-active in any religion, but once told me that, "In the next world, I want to be born a 'Mormon'".

So, when she passed away, I sought the approval of her husband (a non-practicing Jew), to baptize her by dunking me in the temple--which he gladly approved of, in writing.

Just before the baptizm took place I felt and actually saw her presence standing behind me, just over my head--not touching the floor--witnessing the event.

----

This is my story, and I'm sticking to it!

It was good to read it again. I liked the conversation.