Posted by:
CombatBarbie
(
)
Date: June 14, 2011 01:36PM
Finally tackled Martha Beck's Leaving the Saints. Honestly, I went into it not knowing what it was about other than her exit story. Damn. My entire life (all almost four decades) has been shaped, predetermined if you will, by the abuse I suffered first as a child and then later by my husband. Born this way? Honey, I was BORN to be victimized. That was my special lot in this Mormon life. I served a distinct purpose to the men around me. PTSD is a rotten bitch. I appreciated the well written story, but I haven't been a virgin since 3 or 4 and it's only been 3 years since I've had a large bone broken for me. Why am I drawn to things that will whirlwind me right back into memories and sleepless nights? Ugh!!!! This much I know is true, I was used and abused and discarded as piece of defiled trash of no worth. My entire life has been spent proving them wrong to the detriment of my own well being. Fuck. Yeah, it felt good to say the eff word.