Posted by:
Gideon
(
)
Date: November 01, 2018 11:43AM
Will the mentally ill please step forward and give your stories here on the forum. A lot of people would benefit from your story. Others, like myself need your courage.
A few days ago I got overwhelmed when I realized that I created a false, and emasculated personality to survive life in the church. I realize that the church is a fat lie, but here I am at 50 not knowing deeply who I am or the life I should have lived -A life that should have belonged to me. It seems like everything was controlled and scripted from the beginning. From primary songs praising and obeying the prophet, to being forced to go on missions with new names from the temple. It's scary looking back on it. I feel like I allowed the best years of my life become hijacked by the church's agenda.
Feeling myself in crisis again I called the Suicide prevention hotline in Utah and shared these thoughts and feelings.
Guess what happened?? She cut me off in the first minute and wouldn't let me talk. She said it was my fault because I had choices. She then did the unspeakable and went back through a few years of logs, which I didn't know they kept, and said that I had wasted their resources. I said that wasn't fair and that she must be a Mormon for being so defensive. She then yelled that she was a licensed social worker and then she hung up on me!
This was shocking but a profound moment for me. It confirmed what I always knew in my heart that TBMs care more about their beliefs than fundamental welfare of others.
From the age of 15 I've had OCD and MDD diagnosis that I still deal with. Things such as being lit on fire and having burning matches tossed on me while being tied to flagpoles are some of the fond memories I have in my youth of the sons of stake presidents, temple presidents and others in our Provo ward. Ironic how when your life stumbles they are quick to blame you for the errors of your ways. Elitism and exceptionalism run strong in this church and I fear there are many victims struggling to deal with it.
If you got stories you need to share, have courage to know you're not alone!