Date: November 09, 2018 03:55AM
"I don't think that anyone thinks that deeply about it."
"Subtly explained to me that I was being very "Petty". That the wedding isn't about me."
My TBM daughter used the exact same arguments against me, a few hours ago, regarding a niece's temple wedding I missed.
I have been out for almost 10 years, now. I have been the "babysitter" in the temple holding pen for unworthies. It's a hot, stuffy room, with not enough seating for everyone. Unsupervised kids are screaming and running all over. A TV constantly blasts Mormon propaganda at you. It's a version of Hell! I usually take the kids out for a walk on the grounds, but in Utah, the weather can be stormy or blazing hot. Once, a kid got muddy, and his parents scolded me, and I said, "You're welcome--I babysat him for free."
It accumulates! I have finally reached the point of saying, "Enough!"
Darned right you are a "prop" for the photographs. Why have your picture taken as an attendee, when you weren't really at the ceremony? It's fake.
I have taken a stand to not be fake, for anyone. Not lie, not pretend that being treated rudely is acceptable.
I have also taken a stand that I am no longer a member of the Mormon cult; hence, I will no longer take orders from Mormons, or be coerced into obeying their petty rules.
I wanted to go to a funeral of an old Mormon neighbor, and could barely make it in time, after an important business meeting and a 3-hour drive. I had everything arranged, but had forgotten that I had to wear a skirt to the funeral, because it was being held in a Mormon chapel. I don't like to wear skirts, except for dressy dresses. I had given away all my church clothes, when I resigned. Anyway, the best option was to bring a skirt on a hanger, in the car, and take off my pants and put on the skirt, at a gas station. (I didn't want to spend time in a Mormon church bathroom.)
Then it hit me: if I wore my normal office pants (which are very nice), I would be glared at. Maybe they would even not let me in. I tried not to feel angry, and thought maybe it's like there are skirt-women and pants-women, and I was a pants-woman. That's all. Nothing deep.
But it does go deeper than that: I was going to take orders from a cult which I had paid a huge personal price to escape from!
I couldn't have worn pants to that Mormon temple wedding reception, which I had ditched out of the week before--but I did send a gift.
I had to remember not to call it "the Mormon church" or refer to them as Mormons, or myself as an ex-MORMON." If I did, a Mormon would correct me, again.
I had to remove one of my earrings, the second piercing in that ear.
When was the last time I had seen the deceased? It was the ONLY time she had ever called me, and she invited me to go to the temple with her. I told her that I had let my recommend expire, and she gave me the standard lecture about that. That was 12 years ago! Her children had grown up playing at my house, with my kids, and I would fix them snacks. I taught them in Primary. My neighbor had visited with me at the mailbox or out on the sidewalk, but I had never actually been INSIDE of her house--ever! When I brought her food when she was sick, I handed it to someone at the door.
Why subject ourselves to this torture? Being in a Mormon chapel again, listening to their "plan of salvation" again, and all the lies, always triggers PTSD flashbacks, and it's awful.
No! I wrote a nice note on the Mortuary website page, about how my neighbor and I had enjoyed our children and the neighborhood IN THE PAST--and let it go at that.
When years pass, we grow. We move on. We gain perspective. What we once tolerated, we can no longer tolerate. That's not being petty.
If we demonstrate that the cult has no power over us, it helps our children. It helps other ex-Mormons. Also, it makes us feel really, really good!!!!