So. I work in a pretty high tech field. I am fairly well respected at work for whats knocking about in my head. I Can dress up or go fairly casual. I always keep a good appearance though.

Whether I am dressed up or down. No one comments about my looks. It may be an HR thing. But, I'd like to think its because my looks aren't really important. If I had three eyeballs, it should still be basically the same.

But, when I show up at church. When I do go. People like to tell me how nice I look. Its a weird complaint, I know. It just seems so weird. I am an average looking mommy. I clean up okay. My husband still gets hot for me. I could not care less about what other people think about me face when I throw on some lip gloss and run a comb through my hair.

But, thats their greeting, "sister so-n-so, you look so nice. Is that a new haircut?"

Then no follow up. Nothing about my life or their life or our jobs or kids, etc.

Its just weird. not necessarily bad, but it doesn't feel right either.

Maybe its not a mormon thing. Maybe its a church thing. Maybe its a woman thing. who knows.

...basic, scripted, small talk. Most likely, they want to appear as though they care about you, but the lack of subsequent conversation reveals otherwise.........

They make obvious comments to seem polite before they move along.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/11/2018 12:11PM by Cheryl.

That

Looking good is so much more important than being good.

...I have often thought about just making a cameo appearance at the local Branch. The problem is that turnout is so low, and that it is 60 miles one way, what's the point?

"It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham."

I couldn't have said it better myself... of course I couldn't have said it much worse either-that's not the point. Jokes lol.

You would get a calling so fast you'd have to call 'em off.

They don't know you or want to know you, just your shoe or two.

They just want to know your nose, your hose, and your clothes... and your business, which is none of their business, because they don't know-care enough to be themselves, and let you be you, and respect and adore you for that.

M@t

PS - this SHIfT shouldn't be here
Read it as though it is in his regular place



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/11/2018 09:57PM by moremany.

Same feeling here, even as a 10-yr exmo...

Oh but the building/chapel (Sequim, WA) is soooooooooooooooo purty... After all, it has one of those New-England style steeples/bell towers (sans a bell, of course)/thingees on the roof!

I mean, seriously, they really are.

Current case in point: TBM MIL who could never be bothered visiting us or her grandkids keeps hounding us for a "family picture". We're not into that. I mean, we'll have one taken when we get around to it but our family's a bit spread out right now and when we get together we like to spend the time enjoying each other's company and not worrying about putting together a stressful family photo shoot.

TBM MIL wants the photo to hang on the wall so she can admire her "posterity". Nevermind actually visiting with her grandkids. She just wants their photo.

Shallow--I've noticed the avoidance of real conversation. This has been true of our ward for the 25 years I've lived here. Now I've resigned, they don't talk to me at all.

Flattery--to butter you up, to make you feel good being there, so you will sit in the pew and be counted next week.

Jealousy--You are probably naturally pretty. The beautiful Mormon women in all of the wards I attended, were given a hard time--especially the single and divorced women. Mormon married women don't like other women talking to their husband.

Maybe it's a polygamy thing, because this rarely happens in the business world, or in the other churches I've attended.

You're right--Mormonism is a bizarro world!

The Mormon church is all about keeping up appearances. It's not surprising at all that your appearance is the only thing they'd notice.

Know what you mean.

I have a niece who went to university in Utah. A co-worker (female) would tell me over and over how "beautiful" my niece was. Yes, she was a trim, leggy blonde and in her 20's. She was most attractive. But this woman only knew her from the outside.

Fast forward 20 years and my, still attractive, niece is older, a bit more the worse for wear and has a paranoid, narcissistic personality. She lies about anything that will make her appear a victim and has finally decided the state doesn't give her enough money as an unwed mother so she's going to now get a job. Maybe. She has nothing nice to say about anyone in the family, especially those of us who have helped support her all these years.

Beautiful? Not in my eyes.

But LDS,Inc. can't try hard enough to get her back in the fold. She has trashed Mormonism since she was a teenager and hasn't darkened the door of a church for twenty years. She hasn't resigned only because she won't take the time to bother about it but unleashes an unholy tirade on any Mormon who knocks on her door. Why does LDS,Inc. want her back so badly? Well, they all tell me they think she is beautiful.

Appearances are what matter in mormondom.

Doesn't matter if you're actually happy or not, you have to appear happy no matter what.

Doesn't matter if you're well-off financially or not, you have to appear to be doing fine no matter what.

In business, competency matters far more than appearance. As you pointed out, if you do your job well nobody really cares that much about appearance.

In mormondom, appearance is all that matters. So it's all they know how to talk about.

Yes, it's weird. Yes, it's a church thing.
Yes, you can ignore it/leave it.