I imagine that that some people stay involved with the church after they stop believing or stop being able to support its harmful teachings or practices. Although there is potentially a different reason for every person, I wonder if there are broad categories into which reasons could be grouped. For example, some might say "Financial" while another might say "Family", or "Friends".

In one word if possible, what was the most significant thing that kept you involved?

Being a minor. Then not wanting to go to Vietnam.

I joined when I was young and single. No one in my family was LDS, so I had none of the growing up nightmare experiences that a lot of you here had.
I loved my first ward, the young adults, the out of town dances, good music in the 80s, the live BYU football games at the church gym almost every week. It wasn’t until we moved out of state , when I went to a new ward where I was asked to give talks or prayers that made me feel guilty saying “ no” all the time
I still loved the young adults and all the activities.
It wasn’t until I got married ( non LDS)that things changed.
I couldn’t go to young adults, of course, so it was different and I was pressured more into giving talks and coming out of my shell
So, after almost 12 years, I just went occasionally and just sacrament, so I could run out afterwards, before anyone approached me, after s few more years, I stopped going all together, but still read my Ensign and Liahora, then the internet cane and I found this site and got the shock of my life about Joe’s shenanigans.
Don’t understand why the church is still standing

I thought it was the "true church" until it wasn't.

It took a long time for me to figure that out, but then I'd been basically born into the cult. When you're indoctrinated and brainwashed into it, it became the standard by which everything else was compared.

My shelf began cracking slowly over time. Comparing scriptures from the bible to the BoM. It got to the point there really wasn't justification to make that the BoM trumped the bible because of translation issues.

Then reading the history books by Fawn Brodie and Linda Newell and Valleen Tippetts Avery kind of cemented the story behind the one we were taught growing up LDS.

Seeing some of the worst examples of Christian conduct among church leaders, and some of my own family also helped me find my way out. No true church could produce such rotten fruit.

There were some good memories and experiences I take away from having been LDS. I see it as part of a learning curve for my life. It was not where God intended me to remain - when that door closed, another one opened.

Respect for my MORmON parents and my MORmON grandparents

mis placed Respect that they exploited in behalf of their POS MORmON religion

misplaced Respect that they did not deserve

misplaced Respect from me that they will NEVER have again

I have nothing but contempt for them now due to damage inflicted on me for the sake of their MORmONISM

hope they enjoyed their sick MORmON power trip while it lasted

friends and family

+1
Family leaving the TSCC was a great example to me.

I wasn't sure what to think. After all, they were supposed to have all the answers, right? After my life blew up and I KNEW what my ex and I had experienced, who he really was, etc., then I allowed myself to finally let go.

loneliness

My GA Mormon royalty family, and that misplaced respect, that Smirkorama writes about.

Fear, until it was more frightening to stay in than to leave. My children were being abused in the cult, and so was I, in my cult marriage.

Threats of "outer darkness", of being alone forever, of passing by my children as strangers in the hereafter, of illnesses and plagues, of burning in the Second Coming--whatever.

Friends kept me in, also. I never imagined how bad the shunning would be--yet, on some level I must have known I would lose my popularity if I left. I must have known those friendships were contingent on my staying in, for the rest of my life.

I was thinking today, as the holidays approach, that it was very sad to lose ALL of my Utah ward and stake friends. In a way, I deserved that, because I obeyed my parents and was close friends with mostly Mormons, and dated ONLY Mormons. It was bad parental advice, but I mistakenly respected and obeyed.

Good not-Mormon friends and family that keep me OUT. Love, also. I will never go back.

Fear. That line about it being better if you'd had a millstone tied around your neck and you be drowned in the sea, should you ever deny the truth.

I left when I'd lost that fear, after realizing 100% that the Church was not what they said they were.

Then I got angry at the fear they'd induced.

Like Hockeyrat, I joined young. TSCC looked so good on the surface (note, that I said "on the surface"). The families seemed so close and stable - especially the family of my assigned friend. Because my family was not stable, and I did not have the healthiest home life, I wanted that. I was hoping that I could get that out of the church.
I did move in with TBM roommates six years after I joined, and it was not what I thought or what the ward members said it would be like. It only lead me to realize how naive I truly was. Living with them left me feeling disillusioned BEFORE my shelf eventually broke.

But what kept me in was fear. Even though I realized that TSCC wasn't what I was taught it was, and that it was just another church or a cult rather I was afraid of leaving.
I was afraid that my life would fall apart and become a living hell, but then again, my family would lose their home and we would end up in a seedy hotel in a seedy area for a while. I would end up hospitalized with a cerebral hemorrhage at twenty-six and would have to leave my home because I was unable to work to keep up with rent. I struggled mentally and emotionally while in the beginning years of recovery of the radiation surgery that I had to stop the bleeding in my brain. I had to deal with my younger brother's drug and alcohol addiction all while in TSCC. So it didn't provide the charmed life that people claimed it would. Yeah, I was extremely naive.

I was also afraid of leaving the Mormon Bubble. Devoting eleven-to-twelve years to it, all of the thinking was done for me.The way I lived my life was sole based on the so-called gospel, commandments and ordinances. Leaving that bubble would be scary without a mind of my own.Especially when Mormonism was ALL that I knew.

But by some miracle, I was able to learn how to think for myself, and live my life on my terms. Looking back, I'm still trying to figure out when it started for me. I guess I can chalk it down to experience. I'm definitely trying to catch up on all of the years that I had lost while bring trapped inside the Mormon Bubble.
What I had written may make me sound like I was pathetic back then, but that was my reality. I had fairy tale hopes and expectations (because of what the members and missionaries had fed me) and I had to work hard to grow out of that frame of thinking. I had to work hard to grow out of a lot of things that"plagued (for lack of a better work)" me. But I did learn some good things in TSCC.

But I'm happy to be out. I learned that I could make it on my own (without TSCC, their members and all of their rules). I know that it's so simple, but after over TSCC, it was a huge lesson for me to learn.

I'm not sure I ever was a true believer. I had serious doubts by my early teen years. Hebrew Indians? Really?

I stayed for fear of family repercussions, then for fear I'd never get a date/married (BYU student). I got over all that. After I left BYU, I left Mormonism. So basically, social pressure and fear kept me.

I was a convert to the Church. I was baptized during university (lap 1).

Since I was a convert, I could approach religion as a personal choice. The woman I married (after I was a member of the Church) had no such delusions. For my wife, religion was her heritage. Much of her self-esteem was derived from presenting us as a "good LDS family."

At some point I entered a kind of Cold War detente with the Church. I would attend, but I would only participate in activities that I found useful to me or my family.

I needed to be around the ward to protect my family. I realized that the Church is a parasitic organization that will drain all resources it can from individuals and families without limit. Somebody must set limits to withstand them.

My wife knew no limits in her testimony. You may have heard the term, "The first shall be last and the last first" (Matthew 20:16). My wife was often the first to volunteer for everything at Church. And then when they still didn't have enough participation, she would volunteer again to complete the roster ("the last").

I would only take callings that did not demand doctrinal endorsement. Becoming a clerk allowed me to be "less active" while hiding in plain sight. Fortunately I was one of a few literate priesthood holders in one ward so keeping me as the clerk was almost essential.

I refused to attend the temple or provide endorsement for an eternal family as doctrine. After several bishops' attempts to use my family and temple attendance to coerce conduct from me, I found it tremendously liberating to just release it from my life.

At some point I devised my own religion. My theory was that God called me into the Church, but that I was now on a personal spiritual journey. I could take or leave what the Church taught. I also had confidence to preach my gospel to others to keep LDS teachings only if they served a purpose for themselves or their family.

We each decide our relationship with the LDS Church.

As a young teenager, I lacked a lot of social skills and didn"t know how to talk to girls. At church youth activities they taught us social skills and set up various activities where the youth had an opportunity to meet others of the opposite sex, safely. By age sixteen, I had a lot of female friends and had access to date several different beautiful girls. At school it was still difficult to fit in. So although I was sincere about the religion, leaving Mormonism in my dating years would have been trading-in a very active social life that included a lot of dating, for nothing in return. It wasn't until after my mission that I realized that you can have all of that and not have to be a part of a cult.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/24/2018 06:04PM by azsteve.

Fear, as is planned - I was told I'd never see my family again if I didn't do as I was told, so...I did as I was told. To never see our kids again...unthinkable. I'm enraged that that was held over my head and that those teachings continue to this day.